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tftv safe space (no harassment plz)
posted in Off Topic
421
#421
9 Frags +

i told a friend of mine he could move in with me if he ever came back to town, not thinking he would ever want to come back to indiana

he just texted me saying he's thinking about coming back and i don't want a roommate anymore

i told a friend of mine he could move in with me if he ever came back to town, not thinking he would ever want to come back to indiana

he just texted me saying he's thinking about coming back and i don't want a roommate anymore
422
#422
33 Frags +

https://twitter.com/uberchain/status/1026205810823639040

https://twitter.com/uberchain/status/1026205810823639040
423
#423
10 Frags +

one of the first pugs i played in 6s was with some notable players, one of which shared with the rest of our team a post on tftv they thought was funny that said "they should let trans people in the military so they can get killed instead." at this point in 6s, not many people knew who i was or that i was trans, and i, like everyone else in the mumble at the time, stayed silent. some chuckled, but not much of response, positive or negative. this left a lasting impression on me as a tf2 player and from then on when i played tf2, after people found out i was trans, i was always on defense from people. when people find out about my gender, id constantly get asked about it or even just straight up pointed out for no reason. one time, even, a high level trans player in a pug that i hadn't met yet immediately said to me "you're a tranny right?" like that was just an okay thing to ask me. after stuff like this, im always tightly wound up and defensive around tf2 players im not friends with because i can never be sure they aren't going to berate, single out, or ostracize me for my gender, and i think because of this fear, i used to irrationally lash out a lot, and get angry when it probably wasnt warrented.

one of the first pugs i played in 6s was with some notable players, one of which shared with the rest of our team a post on tftv they thought was funny that said "they should let trans people in the military so they can get killed instead." at this point in 6s, not many people knew who i was or that i was trans, and i, like everyone else in the mumble at the time, stayed silent. some chuckled, but not much of response, positive or negative. this left a lasting impression on me as a tf2 player and from then on when i played tf2, after people found out i was trans, i was always on defense from people. when people find out about my gender, id constantly get asked about it or even just straight up pointed out for no reason. one time, even, a high level [b]trans[/b] player in a pug that i hadn't met yet immediately said to me "you're a tranny right?" like that was just an okay thing to ask me. after stuff like this, im always tightly wound up and defensive around tf2 players im not friends with because i can never be sure they aren't going to berate, single out, or ostracize me for my gender, and i think because of this fear, i used to irrationally lash out a lot, and get angry when it probably wasnt warrented.
424
#424
1 Frags +

This post really didn't age well

This post really didn't age well
425
#425
7 Frags +

My son is gay

My son is gay
426
#426
6 Frags +

earlier this month i got my new pc and i got so excited cuz with this new pc it opened so many new opportunities for me, while i didn't get it to play games only but still, mostly the idea of me finally trying out scout seriously because in my old pc in 6s it would drop down to 20-30 fps and that completely made scout unplayable in 6s

so yeah i got super excited to play tf2 and other game when i booted up my pc for the first time, but after almost a month of having this pc this was prob a bad idea.

this pc made me realize how i have no aim whatsoever and that it'll prob stay that way forever, like i always thought iwas really handicapped me as a player was my pc (also ping but w/e), and now i have a good pc and now i'm still shit, i wasn't expecting to be like a top invite scout either b4 i got my pc but still i was hoping to be at least decent at it, like it's so frustrating for me to play scout cuz i know i should be doing better but i can't

i always seem to be heavily dissapointed, angry and sad at myself everytime i play mge as scout or playing scout in general, the only excuse i might have is that i'm using a tv as my monitor and i heard those have really awful input lag but i don't even know if the one i'm using rn has any noticeable one but it's not like my old pc had a stateoftheart monitor either so and i feel like i generally did better with that 20 fps machine

like everytime i try to hit something as scout i just flick like if the target was like 90º from my crosshair as i completely miss and it's so embarrasing, it's really my muscle memory that's been the cause of those dumb ass flicks i've been doing but those movements are so burned in my muscle memory it's hard to not do those, the only thing that might be my redeeming quality is maybe my movement but even then after playing years of med and hundreds of hours in jump maps yeah i better have ok movement

it's just so frustrating really, also everytime i've played 6s since i've gotten my new pc i've done badly in either fragging classes or medic i just do absolutely awful, i've tried playing a few other games too (r6 and quake champions) and i struggled to do not-shit in both (i struggled in r6 way more than i did in quake)

i've just been angry at myself, that's it really.

earlier this month i got my new pc and i got so excited cuz with this new pc it opened so many new opportunities for me, while i didn't get it to play games only but still, mostly the idea of me finally trying out scout seriously because in my old pc in 6s it would drop down to 20-30 fps and that completely made scout unplayable in 6s

so yeah i got super excited to play tf2 and other game when i booted up my pc for the first time, but after almost a month of having this pc this was prob a bad idea.

this pc made me realize how i have no aim whatsoever and that it'll prob stay that way forever, like i always thought iwas really handicapped me as a player was my pc (also ping but w/e), and now i have a good pc and now i'm still shit, i wasn't expecting to be like a top invite scout either b4 i got my pc but still i was hoping to be at least decent at it, like it's so frustrating for me to play scout cuz i know i should be doing better but i can't

i always seem to be heavily dissapointed, angry and sad at myself everytime i play mge as scout or playing scout in general, the only excuse i might have is that i'm using a tv as my monitor and i heard those have really awful input lag but i don't even know if the one i'm using rn has any noticeable one but it's not like my old pc had a stateoftheart monitor either so and i feel like i generally did better with that 20 fps machine

like everytime i try to hit something as scout i just flick like if the target was like 90º from my crosshair as i completely miss and it's so embarrasing, it's really my muscle memory that's been the cause of those dumb ass flicks i've been doing but those movements are so burned in my muscle memory it's hard to not do those, the only thing that might be my redeeming quality is maybe my movement but even then after playing years of med and hundreds of hours in jump maps yeah i better have ok movement

it's just so frustrating really, also everytime i've played 6s since i've gotten my new pc i've done badly in either fragging classes or medic i just do absolutely awful, i've tried playing a few other games too (r6 and quake champions) and i struggled to do not-shit in both (i struggled in r6 way more than i did in quake)

i've just been angry at myself, that's it really.
427
#427
6 Frags +

I really have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life currently. There was a time when I did fairly well in school and I was super dedicated to TF2, playing day in and day out and constantly following the competitive scene in North America and abroad, browsing the TFTV forums every day, and being happy with myself. But more and more recently, I haven't enjoyed any of it. I've stopped playing TF2 entirely and reading the teamfortress.tv forums just sours my mood, seeing both how Valve's neglect has ruined a great game and how the community perpetually remains toxic.

Outside of teamfortress.tv and some internet friends, I am socially dead. I have no friends that I have ever seen in the flesh and I often spend each day talking to nobody and just going through my day, only speaking to people when I'm required to or when I'm upset about anything. I'm ugly as fuck and probably annoying and I'm 100% sure if I attempted to initiate a discussion with anyone, it would do nothing but to make other people uncomfortable and just make myself look like an asshole.

But social life doesn't matter, it'll all pass later right??? Well, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing because I'm a worthless piece of shit with nothing of value. I have no actual skills or talents and I have nothing that makes me stand out from other people. My grades are meh and ultimately I'll never achieve the dream job that I've wanted since I was a kid because I have absolutely none of the talents required to even be proficient in it.

I suppose I should've structured this or something, but honestly it might just be my sleep deprivation talking. I just miss the days when I used to love tf2 and I used to have optimism. :(

I really have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life currently. There was a time when I did fairly well in school and I was super dedicated to TF2, playing day in and day out and constantly following the competitive scene in North America and abroad, browsing the TFTV forums every day, and being happy with myself. But more and more recently, I haven't enjoyed any of it. I've stopped playing TF2 entirely and reading the teamfortress.tv forums just sours my mood, seeing both how Valve's neglect has ruined a great game and how the community perpetually remains toxic.

Outside of teamfortress.tv and some internet friends, I am socially dead. I have no friends that I have ever seen in the flesh and I often spend each day talking to nobody and just going through my day, only speaking to people when I'm required to or when I'm upset about anything. I'm ugly as fuck and probably annoying and I'm 100% sure if I attempted to initiate a discussion with anyone, it would do nothing but to make other people uncomfortable and just make myself look like an asshole.

But social life doesn't matter, it'll all pass later right??? Well, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing because I'm a worthless piece of shit with nothing of value. I have no actual skills or talents and I have nothing that makes me stand out from other people. My grades are meh and ultimately I'll never achieve the dream job that I've wanted since I was a kid because I have absolutely none of the talents required to even be proficient in it.

I suppose I should've structured this or something, but honestly it might just be my sleep deprivation talking. I just miss the days when I used to love tf2 and I used to have optimism. :(
428
#428
25 Frags +

After playing at RGB LAN and coming home, it's just rather sad and difficult, as you resume and continue your normal life. But it's definitely reassuring and warming, seeing people I saw at the previous RGB LAN, being hospitable and offering me food and drinks, and offer a place for me to stay, despite the fact I have no money or nothing really of value to give to other people. Although people are generally nice and cordial on LAN compared to online, I felt like a few of my teammates were rather two-faced with some of the TF2 players I encountered in LAN. Like on the surface they would be nice and friendly, but behind their backs just talk shit about them, because of their reputation online or what they posted on TFTV. I'm not playing victim here, as I also shit talk about of bunch of other TF2 players online;doing shafty things online that I have since regretted. But I think I think in a sense; I try to be honest about myself and to other people and try to treat people with respect.
I used playing TF2, as a way to meet my emotional and social needs and to escape from my life of relative poverty, and a dysfunctional, disjointed family. As well the fact that I dropped out of high school a few years back,and just having absolutely zero friends irl to talk to, besides my church on Sundays and my immediate family. Maybe If I was placed into a better school environment, where I wasn't treated as a problem student and just given a bunch of busywork, because of the fact I refused to do a lot of the schoolwork and placed into special ed classes. That I would have completed high school by now, and be attending college in state or out of the state. I felt like I put my life on hold for almost the past three years.

After playing at RGB LAN and coming home, it's just rather sad and difficult, as you resume and continue your normal life. But it's definitely reassuring and warming, seeing people I saw at the previous RGB LAN, being hospitable and offering me food and drinks, and offer a place for me to stay, despite the fact I have no money or nothing really of value to give to other people. Although people are generally nice and cordial on LAN compared to online, I felt like a few of my teammates were rather two-faced with some of the TF2 players I encountered in LAN. Like on the surface they would be nice and friendly, but behind their backs just talk shit about them, because of their reputation online or what they posted on TFTV. I'm not playing victim here, as I also shit talk about of bunch of other TF2 players online;doing shafty things online that I have since regretted. But I think I think in a sense; I try to be honest about myself and to other people and try to treat people with respect.
I used playing TF2, as a way to meet my emotional and social needs and to escape from my life of relative poverty, and a dysfunctional, disjointed family. As well the fact that I dropped out of high school a few years back,and just having absolutely zero friends irl to talk to, besides my church on Sundays and my immediate family. Maybe If I was placed into a better school environment, where I wasn't treated as a problem student and just given a bunch of busywork, because of the fact I refused to do a lot of the schoolwork and placed into special ed classes. That I would have completed high school by now, and be attending college in state or out of the state. I felt like I put my life on hold for almost the past three years.
429
#429
16 Frags +
murkscribeAfter playing at RGB LAN and coming home, it's just rather sad and difficult, as you resume and continue your normal life. But it's definitely reassuring and warming, seeing people I saw at the previous RGB LAN, being hospitable and offering me food and drinks, and offer a place for me to stay, despite the fact I have no money or nothing really of value to give to other people. Although people are generally nice and cordial on LAN compared to online, I felt like a few of my teammates were rather two-faced with some of the TF2 players I encountered in LAN. Like on the surface they would be nice and friendly, but behind their backs just talk shit about them, because of their reputation online or what they posted on TFTV. I'm not playing victim here, as I also shit talk about of bunch of other TF2 players online;doing shafty things online that I have since regretted. But I think I think in a sense; I try to be honest about myself and to other people and try to treat people with respect.
I used playing TF2, as a way to meet my emotional and social needs and to escape from my life of relative poverty, and a dysfunctional, disjointed family. As well the fact that I dropped out of high school a few years back,and just having absolutely zero friends irl to talk to, besides my church on Sundays and my immediate family. Maybe If I was placed into a better school environment, where I wasn't treated as a problem student and just given a bunch of busywork, because of the fact I refused to do a lot of the schoolwork and placed into special ed classes. That I would have completed high school by now, and be attending college in state or out of the state. I felt like I put my life on hold for almost the past three years.

It's never too late to pusue your dreams murk. I know this sounds like a cliche line of shit you hear in movies or read in books, but in actually, the only thing standing between our goals and our current situations are us. It's not easy, don't let anyone tell you it should be. You have to learn to love the grind of life, and pursue the small wins. I love you bud.

[quote=murkscribe]After playing at RGB LAN and coming home, it's just rather sad and difficult, as you resume and continue your normal life. But it's definitely reassuring and warming, seeing people I saw at the previous RGB LAN, being hospitable and offering me food and drinks, and offer a place for me to stay, despite the fact I have no money or nothing really of value to give to other people. Although people are generally nice and cordial on LAN compared to online, I felt like a few of my teammates were rather two-faced with some of the TF2 players I encountered in LAN. Like on the surface they would be nice and friendly, but behind their backs just talk shit about them, because of their reputation online or what they posted on TFTV. I'm not playing victim here, as I also shit talk about of bunch of other TF2 players online;doing shafty things online that I have since regretted. But I think I think in a sense; I try to be honest about myself and to other people and try to treat people with respect.
I used playing TF2, as a way to meet my emotional and social needs and to escape from my life of relative poverty, and a dysfunctional, disjointed family. As well the fact that I dropped out of high school a few years back,and just having absolutely zero friends irl to talk to, besides my church on Sundays and my immediate family. Maybe If I was placed into a better school environment, where I wasn't treated as a problem student and just given a bunch of busywork, because of the fact I refused to do a lot of the schoolwork and placed into special ed classes. That I would have completed high school by now, and be attending college in state or out of the state. I felt like I put my life on hold for almost the past three years.[/quote]
It's never too late to pusue your dreams murk. I know this sounds like a cliche line of shit you hear in movies or read in books, but in actually, the only thing standing between our goals and our current situations are us. It's not easy, don't let anyone tell you it should be. You have to learn to love the grind of life, and pursue the small wins. I love you bud.
430
#430
11 Frags +

Stephan you are loved by your friends and community

Stephan you are loved by your friends and community
431
#431
33 Frags +

a few days ago i was almost hit by a car and i want to tell you all that as a community you guys mean the fucking world to me. im pretty lucky to be alive, if the car hit me i think it's very likely that it wouldve been lights out for me.

i mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that you guys have given me some of my greatest memories and have been some of my best friends i've ever had. i am so so so so so lucky to be alive and i'm equally thankful to have you guys to pug/scrim/compete/talk/chill/learn with. thank you all for being awesome

Show Content
it may seem kinda weird for me to be talking about this out of nowhere but i have a bit of a history with people i care about being involved in car accidents, so almost becoming another one of them really hits me hard and reminds me how fast my life can be taken from me
a few days ago i was almost hit by a car and i want to tell you all that as a community you guys mean the fucking world to me. im pretty lucky to be alive, if the car hit me i think it's very likely that it wouldve been lights out for me.

i mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say that you guys have given me some of my greatest memories and have been some of my best friends i've ever had. i am so so so so so lucky to be alive and i'm equally thankful to have you guys to pug/scrim/compete/talk/chill/learn with. thank you all for being awesome

[spoiler]it may seem kinda weird for me to be talking about this out of nowhere but i have a bit of a history with people i care about being involved in car accidents, so almost becoming another one of them really hits me hard and reminds me how fast my life can be taken from me[/spoiler]
432
#432
10 Frags +

For everyone who is dealing with some mental or life issue or anything else: do not use tf2 as a coping mechanism. It just makes things worse. You try to distract yourself but slowly it creeps in. In my case it manifests in terms of depression and, in game, in terms of a lot of dumb shit talk and tilt that just further estranges you from the people you are friends with and everyone else. A dream of getting better and actually being considered "good" will only take you so far. I don't know what it will take for me to get better, but like I said, please do not do what I've done.

For everyone who is dealing with some mental or life issue or anything else: do not use tf2 as a coping mechanism. It just makes things worse. You try to distract yourself but slowly it creeps in. In my case it manifests in terms of depression and, in game, in terms of a lot of dumb shit talk and tilt that just further estranges you from the people you are friends with and everyone else. A dream of getting better and actually being considered "good" will only take you so far. I don't know what it will take for me to get better, but like I said, please do not do what I've done.
433
#433
5 Frags +
Unicorn_WizardFor everyone who is dealing with some mental or life issue or anything else: do not use tf2 as a coping mechanism. It just makes things worse. You try to distract yourself but slowly it creeps in. In my case it manifests in terms of depression and, in game, in terms of a lot of dumb shit talk and tilt that just further estranges you from the people you are friends with and everyone else. A dream of getting better and actually being considered "good" will only take you so far. I don't know what it will take for me to get better, but like I said, please do not do what I've done.

I don't think that's a problem with TF2 so much as the people you're playing with and the attitude you have towards the game. There's a way to play competitively without getting super angry and fuming at people.

I kinda use TF2 as a coping mechanism, or just to hide from shit. I don't think escapism is the worst thing. Depends on your circumstances and what you value.

[quote=Unicorn_Wizard]For everyone who is dealing with some mental or life issue or anything else: do not use tf2 as a coping mechanism. It just makes things worse. You try to distract yourself but slowly it creeps in. In my case it manifests in terms of depression and, in game, in terms of a lot of dumb shit talk and tilt that just further estranges you from the people you are friends with and everyone else. A dream of getting better and actually being considered "good" will only take you so far. I don't know what it will take for me to get better, but like I said, please do not do what I've done.[/quote]
I don't think that's a problem with TF2 so much as the people you're playing with and the attitude you have towards the game. There's a way to play competitively without getting super angry and fuming at people.

I kinda use TF2 as a coping mechanism, or just to hide from shit. I don't think escapism is the worst thing. Depends on your circumstances and what you value.
434
#434
7 Frags +

there is a difference between escapism and not progressing in life. as long as you keep progressing in life you can use escapism all you want.

there is a difference between escapism and not progressing in life. as long as you keep progressing in life you can use escapism all you want.
435
#435
4 Frags +
Unicorn_WizardFor everyone who is dealing with some mental or life issue or anything else: do not use tf2 as a coping mechanism. It just makes things worse. You try to distract yourself but slowly it creeps in. In my case it manifests in terms of depression and, in game, in terms of a lot of dumb shit talk and tilt that just further estranges you from the people you are friends with and everyone else. A dream of getting better and actually being considered "good" will only take you so far. I don't know what it will take for me to get better, but like I said, please do not do what I've done.

im doing exactly that :(

[quote=Unicorn_Wizard]For everyone who is dealing with some mental or life issue or anything else: do not use tf2 as a coping mechanism. It just makes things worse. You try to distract yourself but slowly it creeps in. In my case it manifests in terms of depression and, in game, in terms of a lot of dumb shit talk and tilt that just further estranges you from the people you are friends with and everyone else. A dream of getting better and actually being considered "good" will only take you so far. I don't know what it will take for me to get better, but like I said, please do not do what I've done.[/quote]
im doing exactly that :(
436
#436
13 Frags +

i'm actually addicted to this game and i don't know what to do about it
it just always pulls me in and i end up playing mindlessly because it feels comfortable
although i am burnt out and get super frustrated at all of the standard bs (nosplashes, getting stuck on corners, medic takes 149, etc) whenever i take the game seriously so i just end up devolving myself into throwing / not paying attention / being moody in pugs
feels kinda bad ruining pugs and wasting the picks of people who get me early. the fun of pugs has kind of died for me
i just wish i could find a balance and enjoy the game. right now nothing about the game seems to give me fulfillment and everything gives me negative emotions

if anyone has any tips for self control while also considering that i am maining for a team that i want to continue playing for, i'd really appreciate that
also sorry to anybody whose pug i've ruined or who i have been toxic to in a pug recently in case they are reading this

i'm actually addicted to this game and i don't know what to do about it
it just always pulls me in and i end up playing mindlessly because it feels comfortable
although i am burnt out and get super frustrated at all of the standard bs (nosplashes, getting stuck on corners, medic takes 149, etc) whenever i take the game seriously so i just end up devolving myself into throwing / not paying attention / being moody in pugs
feels kinda bad ruining pugs and wasting the picks of people who get me early. the fun of pugs has kind of died for me
i just wish i could find a balance and enjoy the game. right now nothing about the game seems to give me fulfillment and everything gives me negative emotions

if anyone has any tips for self control while also considering that i am maining for a team that i want to continue playing for, i'd really appreciate that
also sorry to anybody whose pug i've ruined or who i have been toxic to in a pug recently in case they are reading this
437
#437
5 Frags +
cinsnip

you should try picking up a hobby that doesn't/minimally involves using a computer like reading or going for walks or maybe a musical instrument if you have the funds to purchase one. i spend most of the day playing music (when im not in class lmao) and it feels really good to not spend so much of my time just staring into a screen.

[quote=cin]snip[/quote]
you should try picking up a hobby that doesn't/minimally involves using a computer like reading or going for walks or maybe a musical instrument if you have the funds to purchase one. i spend most of the day playing music (when im not in class lmao) and it feels really good to not spend so much of my time just staring into a screen.
438
#438
1 Frags +

yeah, if you can get into something else that gives you less frustration and more long-term satisfaction that's great. think about seeing/talking to someone if you feel like there are bigger problems in your life. not trying to psychoanalyze you though, gaming can just be addictive to some people regardless of other things.
i find it super addicting too for the same reasons. i like the comfort and immersion and constant intense nervous overstimulation.

yeah, if you can get into something else that gives you less frustration and more long-term satisfaction that's great. think about seeing/talking to someone if you feel like there are bigger problems in your life. not trying to psychoanalyze you though, gaming can just be addictive to some people regardless of other things.
i find it super addicting too for the same reasons. i like the comfort and immersion and constant intense nervous overstimulation.
439
#439
5 Frags +

i dont know what it is but tf2 just makes me agitated and upset these days, and when i take it out on other players it only makes the game worse for everyone i play with. if i start playing the game in a bad mood it comes out in how well i play and how i treat people, which is awful and not ok.

in a combination of the issues i had with team structuring and my own minimal self-confidence, i tilted, soft-threw, or otherwise dragged my feet through about a month of cumber scrims. i wasnt enjoying playing any of them (wubs found this out immediately, poor guy was team therapist), and for a while i kinda dreaded opening tf2 just to play an awful scrim that would make me feel worse. i only wasted my teams time when i couldve addressed the issues earlier and made the scrims worth something. we had our issues, but my teammates didnt deserve that.

the other day i was up 10-5 against someone in solly v solly ammomod when they went pyro. instead of handling the situation in a decent way i removed and flamed him. i dont know why this was my first option and i instantly regretted it, but the issue still stands that knee-jerk bm is something i dont know why i do, and i really wished i didnt. truth be told, i really dont want to yell at anyone or start shit, which makes the fact that i do bm, and how little control i seem to have over it, even more upsetting to me. yall are really cool people and dont need the worst pocket in open™ going off on you like that.

i could probably assume that this post's just gonna be the next juju apology thread, where the next time i start getting moody and acting up you'll all point and laugh, but i genuinely hate how ive been acting. I've just felt empty irl for the better part of a year, and i decided to...

Unicorn_Wizarduse tf2 as a coping mechanism

...to give me something to feel less shitty about, which was a huge mistake. ive had a lot of friends tell me to just seek therapy which sounds like a good first step, but i dont know where to start.

i miss the 2016 gritoma that couldnt hit shit but he enjoyed playing tf2 and enjoyed playing games with other people and couldnt understand why people would bm so he didnt.

cin-snip-

i really want to thank you for putting a lot of my own concerns into words. at least i know that im not alone in feeling this way about the game.

i apologize for the long unnecessary emo retard essay. good morning east coast :)

i dont know what it is but tf2 just makes me agitated and upset these days, and when i take it out on other players it only makes the game worse for everyone i play with. if i start playing the game in a bad mood it comes out in how well i play and how i treat people, which is awful and not ok.

in a combination of the issues i had with team structuring and my own minimal self-confidence, i tilted, soft-threw, or otherwise dragged my feet through about a month of cumber scrims. i wasnt enjoying playing any of them (wubs found this out immediately, poor guy was team therapist), and for a while i kinda dreaded opening tf2 just to play an awful scrim that would make me feel worse. i only wasted my teams time when i couldve addressed the issues earlier and made the scrims worth something. we had our issues, but my teammates didnt deserve that.

the other day i was up 10-5 against someone in solly v solly ammomod when they went pyro. instead of handling the situation in a decent way i removed and flamed him. i dont know why this was my first option and i instantly regretted it, but the issue still stands that knee-jerk bm is something i dont know why i do, and i really wished i didnt. truth be told, i really dont want to yell at anyone or start shit, which makes the fact that i do bm, and how little control i seem to have over it, even more upsetting to me. yall are really cool people and dont need the worst pocket in open™ going off on you like that.

i could probably assume that this post's just gonna be the next juju apology thread, where the next time i start getting moody and acting up you'll all point and laugh, but i genuinely hate how ive been acting. I've just felt empty irl for the better part of a year, and i decided to...
[quote=Unicorn_Wizard]use tf2 as a coping mechanism[/quote]
...to give me something to feel less shitty about, which was a huge mistake. ive had a lot of friends tell me to just seek therapy which sounds like a good first step, but i dont know where to start.

i miss the 2016 gritoma that couldnt hit shit but he enjoyed playing tf2 and enjoyed playing games with other people and couldnt understand why people would bm so he didnt.

[quote=cin]-snip-[/quote]
i really want to thank you for putting a lot of my own concerns into words. at least i know that im not alone in feeling this way about the game.

i apologize for the long unnecessary emo retard essay. good morning east coast :)
440
#440
19 Frags +

I've been teamless this season so instead of just playing tf2 I decided to fill my free time between classes by working almost full-time. God, taking a break from TF2 has been one of the best things that's happened to me.

If you ever feel like you can't improve or find enjoyment in the game, take a season off. Not just being teamless, but actually almost entirely stop playing TF2. You can still hang out with your TF2 friends, taking a season off might not magically make you better (it didn't for me!) but it will certainly help you find interest in the game again. It kinda resets your entire view of the game and its community. I've never felt better about playing TF2 and I'm hyped to return next season, something which I had dearly missed these last few seasons where playing was just a daily chore.

Take a break!

I've been teamless this season so instead of just playing tf2 I decided to fill my free time between classes by working almost full-time. God, taking a break from TF2 has been one of the best things that's happened to me.

If you ever feel like you can't improve or find enjoyment in the game, take a season off. Not just being teamless, but actually almost entirely stop playing TF2. You can still hang out with your TF2 friends, taking a season off might not magically make you better (it didn't for me!) but it will certainly help you find interest in the game again. It kinda resets your entire view of the game and its community. I've never felt better about playing TF2 and I'm hyped to return next season, something which I had dearly missed these last few seasons where playing was just a daily chore.

Take a break!
441
#441
8 Frags +

So I have only one friend and all we did together was take extremely long walks. About 6 months ago we went hiking on a mountain and liked it and we were hyped to go on a few more in the summer. A week after the hike I got drunk and injured my knee, an injury that I still have and will continue having for about 6 more months despite the first doctor's initial estimation of 2 weeks. So since I couldn't walk, I only met with him 3 times in the summer and he also invited me to spend a week on an island with him and some of his friends which was the only time I was invited to something like that and I couldn't go. I also had to quit swimming that I was starting to really enjoy. This is the summer that was supposed to be the last one that I allowed myself to not get a job and just have fun before I start uni and do adult stuff. At least I still had tf2 though and played as much as I could but it still really fucking sucked. Now that I moved out for uni my dad wouldn't let me take the laptop with me. So I have no friends, I can't swim, and I can't play tf2 which were all the things I did for fun. I have absolutely no social skills to make any friends and no money to drown the boredom with drugs or alcohol. I spend a significant portion of the day starring at nothing waiting for time to pass. I never knew it was possible to be this bored for such a long period of time.

So I have only one friend and all we did together was take extremely long walks. About 6 months ago we went hiking on a mountain and liked it and we were hyped to go on a few more in the summer. A week after the hike I got drunk and injured my knee, an injury that I still have and will continue having for about 6 more months despite the first doctor's initial estimation of 2 weeks. So since I couldn't walk, I only met with him 3 times in the summer and he also invited me to spend a week on an island with him and some of his friends which was the only time I was invited to something like that and I couldn't go. I also had to quit swimming that I was starting to really enjoy. This is the summer that was supposed to be the last one that I allowed myself to not get a job and just have fun before I start uni and do adult stuff. At least I still had tf2 though and played as much as I could but it still really fucking sucked. Now that I moved out for uni my dad wouldn't let me take the laptop with me. So I have no friends, I can't swim, and I can't play tf2 which were all the things I did for fun. I have absolutely no social skills to make any friends and no money to drown the boredom with drugs or alcohol. I spend a significant portion of the day starring at nothing waiting for time to pass. I never knew it was possible to be this bored for such a long period of time.
442
#442
5 Frags +
syphSo I have only one friend and all we did together was take extremely long walks. About 6 months ago we went hiking on a mountain and liked it and we were hyped to go on a few more in the summer. A week after the hike I got drunk and injured my knee, an injury that I still have and will continue having for about 6 more months despite the first doctor's initial estimation of 2 weeks. So since I couldn't walk, I only met with him 3 times in the summer and he also invited me to spend a week on an island with him and some of his friends which was the only time I was invited to something like that and I couldn't go. I also had to quit swimming that I was starting to really enjoy. This is the summer that was supposed to be the last one that I allowed myself to not get a job and just have fun before I start uni and do adult stuff. At least I still had tf2 though and played as much as I could but it still really fucking sucked. Now that I moved out for uni my dad wouldn't let me take the laptop with me. So I have no friends, I can't swim, and I can't play tf2 which were all the things I did for fun. I have absolutely no social skills to make any friends and no money to drown the boredom with drugs or alcohol. I spend a significant portion of the day starring at nothing waiting for time to pass. I never knew it was possible to be this bored for such a long period of time.

I know how it is to have a knee injury longer than you should. If I might make a suggestion, if you can find a group of friends even in a shitty mobile game, it'll help you stave off lonliness and boredom.

[quote=syph]So I have only one friend and all we did together was take extremely long walks. About 6 months ago we went hiking on a mountain and liked it and we were hyped to go on a few more in the summer. A week after the hike I got drunk and injured my knee, an injury that I still have and will continue having for about 6 more months despite the first doctor's initial estimation of 2 weeks. So since I couldn't walk, I only met with him 3 times in the summer and he also invited me to spend a week on an island with him and some of his friends which was the only time I was invited to something like that and I couldn't go. I also had to quit swimming that I was starting to really enjoy. This is the summer that was supposed to be the last one that I allowed myself to not get a job and just have fun before I start uni and do adult stuff. At least I still had tf2 though and played as much as I could but it still really fucking sucked. Now that I moved out for uni my dad wouldn't let me take the laptop with me. So I have no friends, I can't swim, and I can't play tf2 which were all the things I did for fun. I have absolutely no social skills to make any friends and no money to drown the boredom with drugs or alcohol. I spend a significant portion of the day starring at nothing waiting for time to pass. I never knew it was possible to be this bored for such a long period of time.[/quote]

I know how it is to have a knee injury longer than you should. If I might make a suggestion, if you can find a group of friends even in a shitty mobile game, it'll help you stave off lonliness and boredom.
443
#443
10 Frags +

I've been playing this game competitively for a little over two years now and I've not improved a single bit since I started practicing. All of my teams have either died in the first few weeks or been full of throwing memers excepting the newbie mix team I played s27 of ESEA with. I love TF2, but over time I've had less fun with the game part of the game and started only caring about being good and doing well in leagues. I get very upset because I have thousands of hours and several seasons of ESEA but I'm still low open. TF2 is one of the important things in my life and I'm a perfectionist so being so bad at it really bothers me.

I've been playing this game competitively for a little over two years now and I've not improved a single bit since I started practicing. All of my teams have either died in the first few weeks or been full of throwing memers excepting the newbie mix team I played s27 of ESEA with. I love TF2, but over time I've had less fun with the game part of the game and started only caring about being good and doing well in leagues. I get very upset because I have thousands of hours and several seasons of ESEA but I'm still low open. TF2 is one of the important things in my life and I'm a perfectionist so being so bad at it really bothers me.
444
#444
14 Frags +

i had these same problems of being frustrated about the game like cin and others but I didnt quit at the time. Instead i kept joining teams and leaving them within the first few weeks of the season.
When I did take a break it did me a whole lot of good (only in terms of how happy i was). Now i can come back and enjoy the game again

The only problem with that is that it is extremely difficult to get back into the game, and i dont mean skill wise. I havent really believed it myself in the past but i do have a lot of friends tell me that it's really who you know in this game. I really feel just as good or better than i was when i was at my peak on bird noises, but this season (and many others) it has been rough finding a team. I wanted to play so bad i joined a team a couple days before registration ended and of course that didnt go well and i quit 3 weeks in again.
I think anyone that wants to take a break and is planning to come back in the future should consider this

It's a feeling of being forgotten in a way, or maybe im totally inaccurate when judging my skill level, but i still practice and I dont know how many people even know that. I am exploring other classes to broaden my opportunities (+ i genuinely like playing each class) but i still get casted as a soldier, only get soldier tryouts and usually only for teams that I feel that im above (again i might be misjudging my skill level here). Perhaps I should network more but idk that just feels so fake a lot of the time

i had these same problems of being frustrated about the game like cin and others but I didnt quit at the time. Instead i kept joining teams and leaving them within the first few weeks of the season.
When I did take a break it did me a whole lot of good (only in terms of how happy i was). Now i can come back and enjoy the game again

The only problem with that is that it is extremely difficult to get back into the game, and i dont mean skill wise. I havent really believed it myself in the past but i do have a lot of friends tell me that it's really who you know in this game. I really feel just as good or better than i was when i was at my peak on bird noises, but this season (and many others) it has been rough finding a team. I wanted to play so bad i joined a team a couple days before registration ended and of course that didnt go well and i quit 3 weeks in again.
I think anyone that wants to take a break and is planning to come back in the future should consider this

It's a feeling of being forgotten in a way, or maybe im totally inaccurate when judging my skill level, but i still practice and I dont know how many people even know that. I am exploring other classes to broaden my opportunities (+ i genuinely like playing each class) but i still get casted as a soldier, only get soldier tryouts and usually only for teams that I feel that im above (again i might be misjudging my skill level here). Perhaps I should network more but idk that just feels so fake a lot of the time
445
#445
0 Frags +
cin

do not pug, simply play 30 minutes to one hour before your scrims doing things you enjoy (mge, pubs, jump maps, etc.)
or just get on and talk to your team. do this until you feel less burnt.

on a different note, what I found that helps when feeling like this is just taking a break. if every aspect of a game is pissing you off/irritating you, take a break for however long you'd like. don't let a game feel like a chore when it's meant to be played for fun.
(of course the above isn't very doable because you're on a team, but just a thought for after this current season.)

of course, as hellbent said, after a hiatus, you may not be at your prime, but you'll be renewed, which will make you improve further beyond the level that you left at.

[quote=cin] [/quote]
do not pug, simply play 30 minutes to one hour before your scrims doing things you enjoy (mge, pubs, jump maps, etc.)
or just get on and talk to your team. do this until you feel less burnt.

on a different note, what I found that helps when feeling like this is just taking a break. if every aspect of a game is pissing you off/irritating you, take a break for however long you'd like. don't let a game feel like a chore when it's meant to be played for fun.
(of course the above isn't very doable because you're on a team, but just a thought for after this current season.)

of course, as hellbent said, after a hiatus, you may not be at your prime, but you'll be renewed, which will make you improve further beyond the level that you left at.
446
#446
11 Frags +
yoona

well for me it's that you can get back to your prime that's not so much a problem it's just getting people to believe in you as a player again is very difficult. A lot of the players i knew well stopped playing too so it's just an environment where u feel out of the conversation

[quote=yoona][/quote]

well for me it's that you can get back to your prime that's not so much a problem it's just getting people to believe in you as a player again is very difficult. A lot of the players i knew well stopped playing too so it's just an environment where u feel out of the conversation
447
#447
6 Frags +
bleghfarecI really have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life currently. There was a time when I did fairly well in school and I was super dedicated to TF2, playing day in and day out and constantly following the competitive scene in North America and abroad, browsing the TFTV forums every day, and being happy with myself. But more and more recently, I haven't enjoyed any of it. I've stopped playing TF2 entirely and reading the teamfortress.tv forums just sours my mood, seeing both how Valve's neglect has ruined a great game and how the community perpetually remains toxic.

Outside of teamfortress.tv and some internet friends, I am socially dead. I have no friends that I have ever seen in the flesh and I often spend each day talking to nobody and just going through my day, only speaking to people when I'm required to or when I'm upset about anything. I'm ugly as fuck and probably annoying and I'm 100% sure if I attempted to initiate a discussion with anyone, it would do nothing but to make other people uncomfortable and just make myself look like an asshole.

But social life doesn't matter, it'll all pass later right??? Well, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing because I'm a worthless piece of shit with nothing of value. I have no actual skills or talents and I have nothing that makes me stand out from other people. My grades are meh and ultimately I'll never achieve the dream job that I've wanted since I was a kid because I have absolutely none of the talents required to even be proficient in it.

I suppose I should've structured this or something, but honestly it might just be my sleep deprivation talking. I just miss the days when I used to love tf2 and I used to have optimism. :(

I know how you feel, back when I was still into TF2 I was in your exact situation. It's just a matter of putting yourself out there socially and it's going to be awkward and hard at first, especially if you were as socially awkward as I was. I don't know your exact situation but what I did was just try to put myself out there as much as possible. For example, if I was in a class where I didn't know anybody and the teacher made us get into groups, instead of just sitting there alone like I usually would, I would ask another group if I could work with them and introduce myself. I'd also make an effort to say hi to acquaintances whenever I saw them in the hallway instead of just avoiding eye contact, just trying to be friendly makes people a lot more willing to talk to you.

It probably sounds cringe but it was really a struggle for me to do those things back then, but it just takes practice like any other thing and I believe that you can do it :).

[quote=bleghfarec]I really have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life currently. There was a time when I did fairly well in school and I was super dedicated to TF2, playing day in and day out and constantly following the competitive scene in North America and abroad, browsing the TFTV forums every day, and being happy with myself. But more and more recently, I haven't enjoyed any of it. I've stopped playing TF2 entirely and reading the teamfortress.tv forums just sours my mood, seeing both how Valve's neglect has ruined a great game and how the community perpetually remains toxic.

Outside of teamfortress.tv and some internet friends, I am socially dead. I have no friends that I have ever seen in the flesh and I often spend each day talking to nobody and just going through my day, only speaking to people when I'm required to or when I'm upset about anything. I'm ugly as fuck and probably annoying and I'm 100% sure if I attempted to initiate a discussion with anyone, it would do nothing but to make other people uncomfortable and just make myself look like an asshole.

But social life doesn't matter, it'll all pass later right??? Well, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing because I'm a worthless piece of shit with nothing of value. I have no actual skills or talents and I have nothing that makes me stand out from other people. My grades are meh and ultimately I'll never achieve the dream job that I've wanted since I was a kid because I have absolutely none of the talents required to even be proficient in it.

I suppose I should've structured this or something, but honestly it might just be my sleep deprivation talking. I just miss the days when I used to love tf2 and I used to have optimism. :([/quote]


I know how you feel, back when I was still into TF2 I was in your exact situation. It's just a matter of putting yourself out there socially and it's going to be awkward and hard at first, especially if you were as socially awkward as I was. I don't know your exact situation but what I did was just try to put myself out there as much as possible. For example, if I was in a class where I didn't know anybody and the teacher made us get into groups, instead of just sitting there alone like I usually would, I would ask another group if I could work with them and introduce myself. I'd also make an effort to say hi to acquaintances whenever I saw them in the hallway instead of just avoiding eye contact, just trying to be friendly makes people a lot more willing to talk to you.

It probably sounds cringe but it was really a struggle for me to do those things back then, but it just takes practice like any other thing and I believe that you can do it :).
448
#448
0 Frags +

im honestly the worst at being social or its just the people in my skool i have nothing in common with. no one plays tf2 at my skool and the only friend i had that played tf2 went to ow and told me to fuck off when i went up to him, to gladly tell him im a hl player, and that hurts after not seeing him for like 2 years. i dont talk to other people at all because they arent interesting at all, i just see the same fortnite + rap kids. kids in my skool just always constantly bother me with "whats the answer for 12?" like, damn im a actual person not a answer machine.

and im worried of how good i actually am, with a dream to reach im or maybe invite. some matches i just feed completely and others i pump out fat damage.

oh yea and this kid pretended to be my friend and claims that he plays tf2 but never adds me on steam or talks about it
god i love high skool

im honestly the worst at being social or its just the people in my skool i have nothing in common with. no one plays tf2 at my skool and the only friend i had that played tf2 went to ow and told me to fuck off when i went up to him, to gladly tell him im a hl player, and that hurts after not seeing him for like 2 years. i dont talk to other people at all because they arent interesting at all, i just see the same fortnite + rap kids. kids in my skool just always constantly bother me with "whats the answer for 12?" like, damn im a actual person not a answer machine.

and im worried of how good i actually am, with a dream to reach im or maybe invite. some matches i just feed completely and others i pump out fat damage.

oh yea and this kid pretended to be my friend and claims that he plays tf2 but never adds me on steam or talks about it
god i love high skool
449
#449
1 Frags +
lewdrudeandnudei dont talk to other people at all because they arent interesting at all, i just see the same fortnite + rap kids.l

I feel you man, i hate these pinheads so much

[quote=lewdrudeandnude]i dont talk to other people at all because they arent interesting at all, i just see the same fortnite + rap kids.l[/quote]
I feel you man, i hate these pinheads so much
450
#450
11 Frags +

poo

poo
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