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My Story With Dashner: A Thread
121
#121
marketplace.tf
52 Frags +

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm trying to think of something uplifting to say but I doubt anything I personally said could have any real impact.

I feel, in some way, responsible for my role -- such as it is -- in legitimizing Dashner through Ready Up / Rewind / etc. I know these are just a small part of his involvement in TF2, and my ability to "legitimize" someone isn't... much, but Ready Up was funded because of me and is still hosted on our YouTube. I'm open to thoughts as to what, if anything, to do on that front -- it wasn't solely Dashner's project, but he is listed prominently in the credits.

I was aware -- very vaguely -- that Dashner is an abusive person (though the only things I was aware of at the time were essentially him yelling at people), and I should've had the foresight to not involve myself with him. It wouldn't have changed anything, but mistakes were made that shouldn't have been.

I appreciate the strength it takes to write a post like this. I'm sorry that you had to.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm trying to think of something uplifting to say but I doubt anything I personally said could have any real impact.

I feel, in some way, responsible for my role -- such as it is -- in legitimizing Dashner through Ready Up / Rewind / etc. I know these are just a small part of his involvement in TF2, and my ability to "legitimize" someone isn't... much, but Ready Up was funded because of me and is still hosted on our YouTube. I'm open to thoughts as to what, if anything, to do on that front -- it wasn't solely Dashner's project, but he is listed prominently in the credits.

I was aware -- very vaguely -- that Dashner is an abusive person (though the only things I was aware of at the time were essentially him yelling at people), and I should've had the foresight to not involve myself with him. It wouldn't have changed anything, but mistakes were made that shouldn't have been.

I appreciate the strength it takes to write a post like this. I'm sorry that you had to.
122
#122
0 Frags +

i'm very disappointed...all i can say is, the tf2 comp community is currently beyond shovels when it comes to digging holes for itself

i'm very disappointed...all i can say is, the tf2 comp community is currently beyond shovels when it comes to digging holes for itself
123
#123
UGC
17 Frags +

I am so sorry all this has happened to you, console. Coming out with all of this is super brave of you and we are here to back to you up always.

I am so sorry all this has happened to you, console. Coming out with all of this is super brave of you and we are here to back to you up always.
124
#124
7 Frags +

i could have the timelines wrong or there could be a good explanation for it but didn't you date him for 8 months after the first incident?

i could have the timelines wrong or there could be a good explanation for it but didn't you date him for 8 months after the first incident?
125
#125
7 Frags +

turns out that the real comet ping pong basement was tf2 all along.

turns out that the real comet ping pong basement was tf2 all along.
126
#126
4 Frags +

so after all's said and done where does alfa fall into all this? do we still not know exactly what he was banned for

so after all's said and done where does alfa fall into all this? do we still not know exactly what he was banned for
127
#127
63 Frags +
Geel9I feel, in some way, responsible for my role -- such as it is -- in legitimizing Dashner through Ready Up / Rewind / etc. I know these are just a small part of his involvement in TF2, and my ability to "legitimize" someone isn't... much, but Ready Up was funded because of me and is still hosted on our YouTube. I'm open to thoughts as to what, if anything, to do on that front -- it wasn't solely Dashner's project, but he is listed prominently in the credits.

This was probably the wrong decision but by his request, I allowed Dashner to continue working on the film's post-process editing, even after our break-up, the alcoholism, the manipulation and gaslighting, and after being informed that a sexual experience I had with him was rape. Constantly I was told to get out and stop putting myself through it, but I wanted to make sure it was something that the TF2 community could watch and feel proud of, something that would really show how dedicated and passionate our scene is.

Dashner at the time seemed like the only answer since he was there with me during the birth of Ready Up as an idea. I knew he'd put in the most work and make sure it was really good, because that's what he cares about. I did like how Ready Up came out as a final film, regardless of the involvement of Dashner, and I think Dashner and Loris did a fantastic job with it since I had no professional film editing experience myself. But several things happened during the Ready Up process that felt terrible, and they were:

  • vacations like ESL NY 2017 being turned into business ventures when realistically we should have separated that, complicating and straining our relationship, because holy shit Redeye interview pog
  • collapsing under the weight of an expensive as fuck camera on a tripod at i58 because I'm a shrimp of a human being, filming Sideshow's production tour walkthrough that we couldn't even use because the LAV mic Ash lent us was broken
  • Dashner lashing out at Tagg for not doing enough work, rather than consider the limitations of how i58's venue was dark as fuck even for our expensive as fuck camera, which is why the only i58 photos that exist are players dragged onto the caster stage which was the most sufficient light source
  • Tagg denouncing his friendship with Dashner and his involvement with Ready Up because of how unorganized it all was and for being yelled at and demeaned for free work, and then telling me that maybe I should reconsider my relationship with Dashner and me not listening
  • Dashner asking if I had just gone to i58 just for the free LAN experience, accusing me of just using his money for vacations, and not to actually work only because he saw photos of me having fun without him at i58's afterparty (he would then later tell me when I expressed wanting to go to i61 either we both go to i61, or none of us go)
  • Dashner asking me last minute at Frankfurt on the way to i58 if I can turn around and fly back to Ontario to see him, but me saying I had to go and film for Ready Up, and holding it against me
  • Me agreeing with Dashner we need to bring on Loris because in my mind there was a chance this could go tits up if Dashner decided to have another Fuck TF2™ moodswing during editing
  • Dashner buying into an Adobe Premiere peer-to-peer deal for him and Loris despite not asking Geel for it first, and then realizing it was yearly, stressing he wouldn't pay for it and made it seem like the only sensible option for co-editing with it (it probably was), so I offered even though I made the lowest working wage on Ready Up's team
  • Me having to ask for my logo at the beginning and Dashner guilting me for it
  • Me being unable to ask for editing changes and Dashner telling me it was a pain in the ass to re-render (it is) and he and Loris should have full editing autonomy
  • Me being told that I disappointed Loris and Dashner when I said the ending could have gone in a different direction and Dashner guilting me for it
  • Dashner calling me useless
  • Dashner telling me Ready Up wouldn't have happened without him
  • Dashner telling me I didn't do enough work for it
  • Me still believing he was right to this day and being unable to work on that documentary without feeling like I wanted to kill myself

I almost decided not to go to Rewind 2 for the premiere of Ready Up because I didn't know if I could afford it after paying the buyout. But at the time because my mind was focused on "do it for TF2, they deserve nothing but the best" (which was learned during the Dashner era of production, coincidentally enough), all the pros to going seemed to make up for the cons. There was a bunch of people crowding me to hug me and tell me I did a great job when I burst into tears and bawled like a baby after the credits rolled. That wasn't pride and happiness that it was finally complete. That was me naively thinking, as I stood on stage next to him and had to hug him and thank the people that went to LAN that finally, I was free.

All of these decisions were probably the wrong ones to make, and I'm sorry for not informing you earlier about this and for thinking that this project took priority over not just me, but the community. I was part of the problem, and I see that now. I let superficial things like good production quality and making sure TF2 is represented well blind me to considering what would actually be healthy and right. To this day I still wonder if I should have just cancelled it and disappointed you, if I would've been capable of editing it if I had tried more, if I deserve to have my name on it still, if I should have let Loris do it by himself when I realized Loris was just as good as Dashner was with the advantage of actually still liking TF2. It's also why I'm sympathetic if Loris, who had spent a lot of time with Dashner, had been led by him to believe Dashner's side of the story over mine. And likewise, while I heavily disagree with what she did and am absolutely fucking torn about her dismissing me for Dashner and incredibly upset and angry for ignoring events pertaining to him and Nursey, I understand Sami riding or dying for TF2 because I've been there.

And despite everything, I understand Console's caring for him, and I wish Dashner had meant what he said when he claimed he would work on becoming a better person after I left. I wish he had actually become a better person. I still hope he does rather than keep hurting people, and keep running away from it all.

There's been moments where I felt like I lost Ready Up to my abuser and lose the right to say it was mine. But now that we're here, as co-director of Ready Up, I'd like for it to stay uploaded publicly. While people might sympathize with my experience but disagree in terms of how much actual involvement I had with it since I ended up not being part of the editing process, and most of my ideas were changed for Dashner's direction, I also worked hard on it, tried to film what I could with what limited technical knowledge I had, prepared interview questions and a skeleton storyline, and spent a good chunk of my life for the past few years focused on the film.

I don't want Dashner taking Ready Up away from me anymore. But I understand if you refuse to have his name associated with your brand.

[quote=Geel9]I feel, in some way, responsible for my role -- such as it is -- in legitimizing Dashner through Ready Up / Rewind / etc. I know these are just a small part of his involvement in TF2, and my ability to "legitimize" someone isn't... much, but Ready Up was funded because of me and is still hosted on our YouTube. I'm open to thoughts as to what, if anything, to do on that front -- it wasn't solely Dashner's project, but he is listed prominently in the credits.[/quote]
This was probably the wrong decision but by his request, I allowed Dashner to continue working on the film's post-process editing, even after our break-up, the alcoholism, the manipulation and gaslighting, and after being informed that a sexual experience I had with him was rape. Constantly I was told to get out and stop putting myself through it, but I wanted to make sure it was something that the TF2 community could watch and feel proud of, something that would really show how dedicated and passionate our scene is.

Dashner at the time seemed like the only answer since he was there with me during the birth of Ready Up as an idea. I knew he'd put in the most work and make sure it was really good, because that's what he cares about. I did like how Ready Up came out as a final film, regardless of the involvement of Dashner, and I think Dashner and Loris did a fantastic job with it since I had no professional film editing experience myself. But several things happened during the Ready Up process that felt terrible, and they were:

[list]
[*] vacations like ESL NY 2017 being turned into business ventures when realistically we should have separated that, complicating and straining our relationship, because holy shit Redeye interview pog
[*] collapsing under the weight of an expensive as fuck camera on a tripod at i58 because I'm a shrimp of a human being, filming Sideshow's production tour walkthrough that we couldn't even use because the LAV mic Ash lent us was broken
[*] Dashner lashing out at Tagg for not doing enough work, rather than consider the limitations of how i58's venue was dark as fuck even for our expensive as fuck camera, which is why the only i58 photos that exist are players dragged onto the caster stage which was the most sufficient light source
[*] Tagg denouncing his friendship with Dashner and his involvement with Ready Up because of how unorganized it all was and for being yelled at and demeaned for free work, and then telling me that maybe I should reconsider my relationship with Dashner and me not listening
[*] Dashner asking if I had just gone to i58 just for the free LAN experience, accusing me of just using his money for vacations, and not to actually work only because he saw photos of me having fun without him at i58's afterparty (he would then later tell me when I expressed wanting to go to i61 either we both go to i61, or none of us go)
[*] Dashner asking me last minute at Frankfurt on the way to i58 if I can turn around and fly back to Ontario to see him, but me saying I had to go and film for Ready Up, and holding it against me
[*] Me agreeing with Dashner we need to bring on Loris because in my mind there was a chance this could go tits up if Dashner decided to have another Fuck TF2™ moodswing during editing
[*] Dashner buying into an Adobe Premiere peer-to-peer deal for him and Loris despite not asking Geel for it first, and then realizing it was yearly, stressing he wouldn't pay for it and made it seem like the only sensible option for co-editing with it (it probably was), so I offered even though I made the lowest working wage on Ready Up's team
[*] Me having to ask for my logo at the beginning and Dashner guilting me for it
[*] Me being unable to ask for editing changes and Dashner telling me it was a pain in the ass to re-render (it is) and he and Loris should have full editing autonomy
[*] Me being told that I disappointed Loris and Dashner when I said the ending could have gone in a different direction and Dashner guilting me for it
[*] Dashner calling me useless
[*] Dashner telling me Ready Up wouldn't have happened without him
[*] Dashner telling me I didn't do enough work for it
[*] Me still believing he was right to this day and being unable to work on that documentary without feeling like I wanted to kill myself
[/list]

I almost decided not to go to Rewind 2 for the premiere of Ready Up because I didn't know if I could afford it after paying the buyout. But at the time because my mind was focused on "do it for TF2, they deserve nothing but the best" (which was learned during the Dashner era of production, coincidentally enough), all the pros to going seemed to make up for the cons. There was a bunch of people crowding me to hug me and tell me I did a great job when I burst into tears and bawled like a baby after the credits rolled. That wasn't pride and happiness that it was finally complete. That was me naively thinking, as I stood on stage next to him and had to hug him and thank the people that went to LAN that finally, I was free.

All of these decisions were probably the wrong ones to make, and I'm sorry for not informing you earlier about this and for thinking that this project took priority over not just me, but the community. I was part of the problem, and I see that now. I let superficial things like good production quality and making sure TF2 is represented well blind me to considering what would actually be healthy and right. To this day I still wonder if I should have just cancelled it and disappointed you, if I would've been capable of editing it if I had tried more, if I deserve to have my name on it still, if I should have let Loris do it by himself when I realized Loris was just as good as Dashner was with the advantage of actually still liking TF2. It's also why I'm sympathetic if Loris, who had spent a lot of time with Dashner, had been led by him to believe Dashner's side of the story over mine. And likewise, while I heavily disagree with what she did and am absolutely fucking torn about her dismissing me for Dashner and incredibly upset and angry for ignoring events pertaining to him and Nursey, I understand Sami riding or dying for TF2 because I've been there.

And despite everything, I understand Console's caring for him, and I wish Dashner had meant what he said when he claimed he would work on becoming a better person after I left. I wish he had actually become a better person. I still hope he does rather than keep hurting people, and keep running away from it all.

There's been moments where I felt like I lost Ready Up to my abuser and lose the right to say it was mine. But now that we're here, as co-director of Ready Up, I'd like for it to stay uploaded publicly. While people might sympathize with my experience but disagree in terms of how much actual involvement I had with it since I ended up not being part of the editing process, and most of my ideas were changed for Dashner's direction, I also worked hard on it, tried to film what I could with what limited technical knowledge I had, prepared interview questions and a skeleton storyline, and spent a good chunk of my life for the past few years focused on the film.

I don't want Dashner taking Ready Up away from me anymore. But I understand if you refuse to have his name associated with your brand.
128
#128
10 Frags +

It's horrific how i think back to GA2017 when i was 16, and many players attending where minors, that this guy is coming to production, hanging out drunk in the venue and talking to people like it was nothing.

Now, i'd like people to understand also that shitting on personal people through this forum isn't the best idea to solve anything, it's just called cyber-bullying, so please for the love of god, moderate your terms

It's horrific how i think back to GA2017 when i was 16, and many players attending where minors, that this guy is coming to production, hanging out drunk in the venue and talking to people like it was nothing.

Now, i'd like people to understand also that shitting on personal people through this forum isn't the best idea to solve anything, it's just called cyber-bullying, so please for the love of god, moderate your terms
129
#129
DM Servers
3 Frags +

much love console. stay safe friend

much love console. stay safe friend
130
#130
4 Frags +
Olgha , it's just called cyber-bullying, so please for the love of god, moderate your terms

nah fuck it
air out the stinky carpets and let it all out because people need to know and learn from mistakes, keep it respectable yeah but moderating it to sound less rude is just dumb

[quote=Olgha] , it's just called cyber-bullying, so please for the love of god, moderate your terms[/quote]

nah fuck it
air out the stinky carpets and let it all out because people need to know and learn from mistakes, keep it respectable yeah but moderating it to sound less rude is just dumb
131
#131
39 Frags +

To Ryan and Ness, I'm so sorry this happened. Don't know what to say, except this.

To Ness specifically. I'm sorry. You told me and I knew. And when I was asked to be part of Episode III and then this LAN, I knew. And I still chose to be part of the production. And work with someone who hurt my friend. And was okay with them staying in the same house as me. And when he assigned me roles and gave me an avenue to create and be involved I took it, like moths to a flame. And yet what he did to you lingered in my head, and I put my pursuits over hiding a predator. But I was scared, I didn't think you'd want this to be called out so I pretended I didn't know anything. And I kept pretending that I was okay working with him because I was scared to put you in the line of fire. But now he's hurt others. Ryan, you didn't deserve any of that at all. I'm sorry that it's happened again.

Edit: Also just remembered I was asked to organize an Airbnb again for production staff, and he told me him and Ryan could share one of the beds between them. Granted this was before knowing the split, but now thinking of what could have happened makes me ill.

To Ryan and Ness, I'm so sorry this happened. Don't know what to say, except this.

To Ness specifically. I'm sorry. You told me and I knew. And when I was asked to be part of Episode III and then this LAN, I knew. And I still chose to be part of the production. And work with someone who hurt my friend. And was okay with them staying in the same house as me. And when he assigned me roles and gave me an avenue to create and be involved I took it, like moths to a flame. And yet what he did to you lingered in my head, and I put my pursuits over hiding a predator. But I was scared, I didn't think you'd want this to be called out so I pretended I didn't know anything. And I kept pretending that I was okay working with him because I was scared to put you in the line of fire. But now he's hurt others. Ryan, you didn't deserve any of that at all. I'm sorry that it's happened again.

Edit: Also just remembered I was asked to organize an Airbnb again for production staff, and he told me him and Ryan could share one of the beds between them. Granted this was before knowing the split, but now thinking of what could have happened makes me ill.
132
#132
10 Frags +

For legal reasons I have decided to take down my post and all following posts.

For legal reasons I have decided to take down my post and all following posts.
133
#133
6 Frags +

For legal reasons I have decided to take down my post and all following posts.

For legal reasons I have decided to take down my post and all following posts.
134
#134
12 Frags +

Let me just say that I have massive amounts of respect for people like Console, JasmineButts and Uberchain respectively for committing so much effort, mental and physical to make this community bearable because without you all, and others of course, I have no doubt tf2 would not be alive for nearly as long as it is. It is unfortunate that people ruin all of the effort you put into this community but I acknowledge you all and you deserve the most success one can have for the dedication that you've shown and the things you've endured to not disappoint us as much as possible. It is needless to say but I support you 150% and I am sure I am not the only one.

Thank you for everything you do, from the bottom of my heart

-Roboprod

Let me just say that I have massive amounts of respect for people like Console, JasmineButts and Uberchain respectively for committing so much effort, mental and physical to make this community bearable because without you all, and others of course, I have no doubt tf2 would not be alive for nearly as long as it is. It is unfortunate that people ruin all of the effort you put into this community but I acknowledge you all and you deserve the most success one can have for the dedication that you've shown and the things you've endured to not disappoint us as much as possible. It is needless to say but I support you 150% and I am sure I am not the only one.

Thank you for everything you do, from the bottom of my heart

-Roboprod
135
#135
10 Frags +
uberchainConsole. I'm so sorry it wasn't just me.

holy fuck this hurt so much to read :(

i love you both and im so sorry this happened to you. dashner is and always will be a piece of shit. his unwillingness to acknowledge that anything has happened is indicative of that.

genericusernameRegret!=Rape

dashner, i hope you horribly disfigure both your arms in garbage disposal accidents

[quote=uberchain]Console. I'm so sorry it wasn't just me.[/quote]

holy fuck this hurt so much to read :(

i love you both and im so sorry this happened to you. dashner is and always will be a piece of shit. his unwillingness to acknowledge that anything has happened is indicative of that.

[quote=genericusername]Regret!=Rape[/quote]

dashner, i hope you horribly disfigure both your arms in garbage disposal accidents
136
#136
115 Frags +

This is an extremely frustrating and upsetting reason why its so important to hold people responsible for their actions.
Its hard to not feel somewhat responsible for this when I also had experiences dealing with Dashner and knew he was the one that abused Uberchain.

I know this thread is already filled with Dashner experiences but I want to take a chance to vent my frustrations because that guy fucking sucks.

I was never a core part of the production teams at the TF2 events I attended. I focused on providing photos and video footage for the events and players, hoping they would be used in future articles and promotions for the community. It was mildly successful, photographs of players were used (mainly by overwatch publications) and the video footage was mostly used by Dashner, who was a core reason why I kept going to the events even though they always ended in a huge monetary loss for me.

Dashner was insistent. He never gave up asking and chasing after you if he wanted you for something. He always knew how to make it seem like he or the event was dependent on you going - and that your role was crucial in everything working out. Obviously the idea of being needed for these huge TF2 events is enticing and thats how you get roped into paying to go work at an event for free for a dude that's actually just a horny shitbag.

I was lucky that I never held Dashner in high regards, but he was still a friend at the time. Maybe it was because I wasn't a core part of the team and a 3rd party spectator, maybe it was because back at those events he wasn't the ones calling the shots. But I never saw him as the Production God many people think he is. At multiple high profile events Dashner would have full breakdowns over the most mundane things - leading to him just shutting down completely and insisting that the show would be ruined and couldn't go on. This would happen multiple times an event at every event I attended with him. If a cable was missing "The show is ruined we can't do the show" - a computer was having issues "Show is ruined how were we so stupid thinking we could do this" etc etc. I wanna be super clear on this. None of those shows would've existed if Dashner were truly in the lead of them. Every show was "saved" by the highly qualified and professional work other members of the team put in to make up for Dashners slack.
i58 preformed phenomenally well after Dashner was refused at customs due to the amazing work DavidTheWin and the rest of the team put in, the efficiency was like night and day compared to when Dashner was around.

In this regard, I was lucky. I saw Dashner more as a friend trying his best and not a mentor or higher up figure. I did have close calls with him. Specifically the MLG CEVO CSGO Tournament he wrangled me into that was my first and only photography gig outside of TF2. It went well, I actually got paid and my expenses were covered - even food! But I had to share a room with him, and if it weren't for Bluee_/Blott talking some sense into me it could've gone way worse. Every night he'd buy tons of drinks, trying and get me to drink with him as an obvious ploy for some drunken fun. I was lucky that Blott made me realize that it wasn't worth it, even when I knew what he was up to. I refused his advances and luckily the event went well for me. I was lucky I spoke with a friend about it before going.

Flash forward to i58 which i've wanted to vent about sinced it happened. By this time Lange and I were roommates and had sworn off of working for free at events. Dashner messaged me and insisted that he NEEDED my help for a video project that was being shot at the event. After at least a month of him constantly in my DM's I told him i'd only attend if my flight and hotel were covered. He somehow managed to get those covered and I agreed to go. Instantly it turned sour when he was denied at the border and was sent back to Canada. Something people don't fully understand is that working at these international events is against the law. You cannot do work in another country without a proper VISA, we had to lie everytime we went to these events to get through security and it was very dangerous for some members of the production crew. They would be carrying very crucial equipment across borders which raises many eyebrows when you say you're "Just there for fun" while having hundreds of dollars of production gear in your bag. In addition the excuse that "We're not getting paid we're volunteering" does not work because its absolutely absurd, literally outsourcing free labor for events that are for-profit.

Dashner got caught and deported, resulting in a absolute hell experience. I was not a part of production in any way for this event and was working as a videographer for the Ready Up video. When I got there, I started receiving messaged from Dashner, I thought that he would be sending me instructions and filling me into specific details on what I would be doing at the event. Instead he was sending me constant messages telling me to keep a watchful eye on Uberchain and make sure she didn't speak or hang out with specific people. I ignored his request and kept independently getting footage of the event. It sucked and since it was a TF2 event, transportation and food wasn't covered so in classic TF2 fashion I ended up paying to work there ontop of it being a hell experience. Things boiled over on the final days of the event. The outro video Dashner put together for i58 used my footage from previous events and I was not included in the credits. After years of him talking me into these events, saying he NEEDED me and my footage. He sends me to i58 one of the worst events i've worked at, used my footage and left me out of the credits by choice - as i later found out. Then, on my flight back home I received a message from him accusing me of getting no footage and slacking off for the entire event. Which tipped me over the boiling point. I was frustrated and vented it to Uberchain, I told her about Dashner secretly telling me to shadow her and control who she talks to - and while I regret the way I worded it at the time, I don't regret informing her and realize now I should've told her right away.
By the time the flight landed Dashner had time to actually look through the footage I recorded at the event and he apologized saying said it was amazing. But the damage was done and I was through with him and TF2 events from then on.

My experience at i58 helped cement my steadily growing departure from the TF2 community. Everything I looked up to as a kid was no longer there and replaced with feelings of disdain. I still have to thank eXtine for getting me through that event and to MGEMike. Who told me he loved the way I played roamer before I joined HRG and I was finally able to vent about the controlling nature of that team and why I left and stopped playing afterwards.

After this event I found out what Dashner did to Uberchain and I cut ties with him completely. I had assumed he was not longer a part of the community and had moved on to Overwatch or other scenes. I thought that, if he was getting gigs outside of TF2 maybe he'd gotten better, maybe he learned his lesson. I was wrong, and now I regret not speaking up those rare times his name would still come up. My group of friends knew what he did, and no one else. And thats why he was able to get away with it again. Because of this, I am in favor of bringing other bad actors into light so that they don't take advantage of peoples kindness again. It will be messy, but the alternative could be worse.

TL;DR

I'd like people to look at this and realize. Dashner was never the god he was made out to be and he is exactly the kind of person these people say he is.

I'm sorry you went through this Console-
We let you down and we should've stomped this weed out ages ago.

This is an extremely frustrating and upsetting reason why its so important to hold people responsible for their actions.
Its hard to not feel somewhat responsible for this when I also had experiences dealing with Dashner and knew he was the one that abused Uberchain.

I know this thread is already filled with Dashner experiences but I want to take a chance to vent my frustrations because that guy fucking sucks.

I was never a core part of the production teams at the TF2 events I attended. I focused on providing photos and video footage for the events and players, hoping they would be used in future articles and promotions for the community. It was mildly successful, photographs of players were used (mainly by overwatch publications) and the video footage was mostly used by Dashner, who was a core reason why I kept going to the events even though they always ended in a huge monetary loss for me.

Dashner was insistent. He never gave up asking and chasing after you if he wanted you for something. He always knew how to make it seem like he or the event was dependent on you going - and that your role was crucial in everything working out. Obviously the idea of being needed for these huge TF2 events is enticing and thats how you get roped into paying to go work at an event for free for a dude that's actually just a horny shitbag.

I was lucky that I never held Dashner in high regards, but he was still a friend at the time. Maybe it was because I wasn't a core part of the team and a 3rd party spectator, maybe it was because back at those events he wasn't the ones calling the shots. But I never saw him as the Production God many people think he is. At multiple high profile events Dashner would have full breakdowns over the most mundane things - leading to him just shutting down completely and insisting that the show would be ruined and couldn't go on. This would happen multiple times an event at every event I attended with him. If a cable was missing "The show is ruined we can't do the show" - a computer was having issues "Show is ruined how were we so stupid thinking we could do this" etc etc. I wanna be super clear on this. None of those shows would've existed if Dashner were truly in the lead of them. Every show was "saved" by the highly qualified and professional work other members of the team put in to make up for Dashners slack.
i58 preformed phenomenally well after Dashner was refused at customs due to the amazing work DavidTheWin and the rest of the team put in, the efficiency was like night and day compared to when Dashner was around.

In this regard, I was lucky. I saw Dashner more as a friend trying his best and not a mentor or higher up figure. I did have close calls with him. Specifically the MLG CEVO CSGO Tournament he wrangled me into that was my first and only photography gig outside of TF2. It went well, I actually got paid and my expenses were covered - even food! But I had to share a room with him, and if it weren't for Bluee_/Blott talking some sense into me it could've gone way worse. Every night he'd buy tons of drinks, trying and get me to drink with him as an obvious ploy for some drunken fun. I was lucky that Blott made me realize that it wasn't worth it, even when I knew what he was up to. I refused his advances and luckily the event went well for me. I was lucky I spoke with a friend about it before going.

Flash forward to i58 which i've wanted to vent about sinced it happened. By this time Lange and I were roommates and had sworn off of working for free at events. Dashner messaged me and insisted that he NEEDED my help for a video project that was being shot at the event. After at least a month of him constantly in my DM's I told him i'd only attend if my flight and hotel were covered. He somehow managed to get those covered and I agreed to go. Instantly it turned sour when he was denied at the border and was sent back to Canada. Something people don't fully understand is that working at these international events is against the law. You cannot do work in another country without a proper VISA, we had to lie everytime we went to these events to get through security and it was very dangerous for some members of the production crew. They would be carrying very crucial equipment across borders which raises many eyebrows when you say you're "Just there for fun" while having hundreds of dollars of production gear in your bag. In addition the excuse that "We're not getting paid we're volunteering" does not work because its absolutely absurd, literally outsourcing free labor for events that are for-profit.

Dashner got caught and deported, resulting in a absolute hell experience. I was not a part of production in any way for this event and was working as a videographer for the Ready Up video. When I got there, I started receiving messaged from Dashner, I thought that he would be sending me instructions and filling me into specific details on what I would be doing at the event. Instead he was sending me constant messages telling me to keep a watchful eye on Uberchain and make sure she didn't speak or hang out with specific people. I ignored his request and kept independently getting footage of the event. It sucked and since it was a TF2 event, transportation and food wasn't covered so in classic TF2 fashion I ended up paying to work there ontop of it being a hell experience. Things boiled over on the final days of the event. The outro video Dashner put together for i58 used my footage from previous events and I was not included in the credits. After years of him talking me into these events, saying he NEEDED me and my footage. He sends me to i58 one of the worst events i've worked at, used my footage and left me out of the credits by choice - as i later found out. Then, on my flight back home I received a message from him accusing me of getting no footage and slacking off for the entire event. Which tipped me over the boiling point. I was frustrated and vented it to Uberchain, I told her about Dashner secretly telling me to shadow her and control who she talks to - and while I regret the way I worded it at the time, I don't regret informing her and realize now I should've told her right away.
By the time the flight landed Dashner had time to actually look through the footage I recorded at the event and he apologized saying said it was amazing. But the damage was done and I was through with him and TF2 events from then on.

My experience at i58 helped cement my steadily growing departure from the TF2 community. Everything I looked up to as a kid was no longer there and replaced with feelings of disdain. I still have to thank eXtine for getting me through that event and to MGEMike. Who told me he loved the way I played roamer before I joined HRG and I was finally able to vent about the controlling nature of that team and why I left and stopped playing afterwards.

After this event I found out what Dashner did to Uberchain and I cut ties with him completely. I had assumed he was not longer a part of the community and had moved on to Overwatch or other scenes. I thought that, if he was getting gigs outside of TF2 maybe he'd gotten better, maybe he learned his lesson. I was wrong, and now I regret not speaking up those rare times his name would still come up. My group of friends knew what he did, and no one else. And thats why he was able to get away with it again. Because of this, I am in favor of bringing other bad actors into light so that they don't take advantage of peoples kindness again. It will be messy, but the alternative could be worse.

TL;DR

I'd like people to look at this and realize. Dashner was never the god he was made out to be and he is [b]exactly [/b] the kind of person these people say he is.

I'm sorry you went through this Console-
We let you down and we should've stomped this weed out ages ago.
137
#137
Patch Notes
11 Frags +
GetawhaleSpeiszlet's send some this thread and email the blast team and waveform. get this fucking scum outed and dragged under.
Fully fully on board

After uberchain, we all believed it couldn't happen again.

We were fooled. It happened again. And it could happen again.

EDIT: Word to the wise.. if you're looking at legal action/consequences.. PLEASE pursue them if possible. Last time, his plan was "Lay low until people forget, then work again." It's hard to believe he's learning any lesson. Last time, after the uberchain thread, he came to me in PM saying he was going to be pursuing legal action against her - that is to say.. his immediate reaction was to double down

Completely agree. Even if criminal fails or is otherwise deemed "not viable", there's always civil. This stuff is all so awful and very, very messed up.

taggFlash forward to i58 which i've wanted to vent about sinced it happened. By this time Lange and I were roommates and had sworn off of working for free at events. Dashner messaged me and insisted that he NEEDED my help for a video project that was being shot at the event. After at least a month of him constantly in my DM's I told him i'd only attend if my flight and hotel were covered. He somehow managed to get those covered and I agreed to go. Instantly it turned sour when he was denied at the border and was sent back to Canada. Something people don't fully understand is that working at these international events is against the law. You cannot do work in another country without a proper VISA, we had to lie everytime we went to these events to get through security and it was very dangerous for some members of the production crew. They would be carrying very crucial equipment across borders which raises many eyebrows when you say you're "Just there for fun" while having hundreds of dollars of production gear in your bag. In addition the excuse that "We're not getting paid we're volunteering" does not work because its absolutely absurd, literally outsourcing free labor for events that are for-profit.

I also recall that there were allegations against Valve when it came to The International recommending that people pick up one type of visa when they really needed another, and that if there were issues at the border to be creative and stretch the truth. I want to say it was around the time Bulldog was first denied by CBP or some time during/after the 2GD firing by Gabe but I can't quite pin it down.

[quote=Getawhale][quote=Speisz]let's send some this thread and email the blast team and waveform. get this fucking scum outed and dragged under.[/quote]

Fully fully on board

After uberchain, we all believed it couldn't happen again.

We were fooled. It happened again. And it could happen again.

EDIT: Word to the wise.. if you're looking at legal action/consequences.. PLEASE pursue them if possible. Last time, his plan was "Lay low until people forget, then work again." It's hard to believe he's learning any lesson. Last time, after the uberchain thread, he came to me in PM saying he was going to be [b]pursuing legal action against her[/b] - that is to say.. his immediate reaction was to double down[/quote]
Completely agree. Even if criminal fails or is otherwise deemed "not viable", there's always civil. This stuff is all so awful and very, very messed up.

[quote=tagg]Flash forward to i58 which i've wanted to vent about sinced it happened. By this time Lange and I were roommates and had sworn off of working for free at events. Dashner messaged me and insisted that he NEEDED my help for a video project that was being shot at the event. After at least a month of him constantly in my DM's I told him i'd only attend if my flight and hotel were covered. He somehow managed to get those covered and I agreed to go. Instantly it turned sour when he was denied at the border and was sent back to Canada. Something people don't fully understand is that working at these international events is against the law. You cannot do work in another country without a proper VISA, we had to lie everytime we went to these events to get through security and it was very dangerous for some members of the production crew. They would be carrying very crucial equipment across borders which raises many eyebrows when you say you're "Just there for fun" while having hundreds of dollars of production gear in your bag. In addition the excuse that "We're not getting paid we're volunteering" does not work because its absolutely absurd, literally outsourcing free labor for events that are for-profit.[/quote]
I also recall that there were allegations against Valve when it came to The International recommending that people pick up one type of visa when they really needed another, and that if there were issues at the border to be creative and stretch the truth. I want to say it was around the time Bulldog was first denied by CBP or some time during/after the 2GD firing by Gabe but I can't quite pin it down.
138
#138
15 Frags +
Console-Jasbutts
I was afraid too. I would not have been comfortable being intimate, especially with tf2 people I haven't even met yet in person (only met cornpop and dashner irl) and expressed this to him. He tried to turn it on me that I was hurting him by saying that. It got to the point where I told him im staying with the ETF people going since I wasn't comfortable with the situation and I only get to see them 2x a year usually (cpg and iseries) so why not make the most of a 3rd encounter. He eventually conceded knowing how close I got to gemm and arch over iseries but still tried to pressure me about it.

God, I'm so sorry that there would have been potential for you two to be in a room together. If you do need a place to stay if we manage to salvage this mess and decide to do a shared house, you are more than welcome.

taggDashner was insistent. He never gave up asking and chasing after you if he wanted you for something. He always knew how to make it seem like he or the event was dependent on you going - and that your role was crucial in everything working out. Obviously the idea of being needed for these huge TF2 events is enticing and thats how you get roped into paying to go work at an event for free for a dude that's actually just a horny shitbag.

Very much this, and he was very good at it. Unfortunately some of us took the chance.

This is also the reason why Dashner was removed prior to Tip of the Hats 2018 and going forward. With all the evidence pointed towards him, it violated everything our staff stands stood for.

[quote=Console-][quote=Jasbutts] [/quote]

I was afraid too. I would not have been comfortable being intimate, especially with tf2 people I haven't even met yet in person (only met cornpop and dashner irl) and expressed this to him. He tried to turn it on me that I was hurting him by saying that. It got to the point where I told him im staying with the ETF people going since I wasn't comfortable with the situation and I only get to see them 2x a year usually (cpg and iseries) so why not make the most of a 3rd encounter. He eventually conceded knowing how close I got to gemm and arch over iseries but still tried to pressure me about it.[/quote]

God, I'm so sorry that there would have been potential for you two to be in a room together. If you do need a place to stay if we manage to salvage this mess and decide to do a shared house, you are more than welcome.

[quote=tagg]Dashner was insistent. He never gave up asking and chasing after you if he wanted you for something. He always knew how to make it seem like he or the event was dependent on you going - and that your role was crucial in everything working out. Obviously the idea of being needed for these huge TF2 events is enticing and thats how you get roped into paying to go work at an event for free for a dude that's actually just a horny shitbag.[/quote]

Very much this, and he was very good at it. Unfortunately some of us took the chance.

This is also the reason why Dashner was removed prior to Tip of the Hats 2018 and going forward. With all the evidence pointed towards him, it violated everything our staff stands stood for.
139
#139
18 Frags +
taggDashner was insistent. He never gave up asking and chasing after you if he wanted you for something. He always knew how to make it seem like he or the event was dependent on you going - and that your role was crucial in everything working out. Obviously the idea of being needed for these huge TF2 events is enticing and thats how you get roped into paying to go work at an event for free for a dude that's actually just a horny shitbag.

He has an impeccable skill in terms of manipulation. He preyed on insecurity, more than once leveraging for both rewinds something along the lines of no one likes you or wants you at events, but I fight for you because you have talent, so you owe me, so you're coming. He made it feel like you owed him, and all your opportunities would dry up if you didnt give in and if you turned your back on him. I had a pretty good idea he was the core of uberchains post, and I shouldn't have let him manipulate me back regarding that post either. If I didn't, I might have said something to Console, and maybe it would have helped.

I'm beyond gutted. Console, you're such a good dude. Fuck.

[quote=tagg]Dashner was insistent. He never gave up asking and chasing after you if he wanted you for something. He always knew how to make it seem like he or the event was dependent on you going - and that your role was crucial in everything working out. Obviously the idea of being needed for these huge TF2 events is enticing and thats how you get roped into paying to go work at an event for free for a dude that's actually just a horny shitbag.[/quote]

He has an impeccable skill in terms of manipulation. He preyed on insecurity, more than once leveraging for both rewinds something along the lines of no one likes you or wants you at events, but I fight for you because you have talent, so you owe me, so you're coming. He made it feel like you owed him, and all your opportunities would dry up if you didnt give in and if you turned your back on him. I had a pretty good idea he was the core of uberchains post, and I shouldn't have let him manipulate me back regarding that post either. If I didn't, I might have said something to Console, and maybe it would have helped.

I'm beyond gutted. Console, you're such a good dude. Fuck.
140
#140
48 Frags +

I want to add on for everyone here.

Reading about these things can make it seem like this behavior is easily recognizable and easy to not fall for. I assure you this is not the case in a real life situation. These kinds of things can happen to any of us, and multiple times. Different people will have different ways of getting what they want out of you. If its happened to you, don't feel ashamed. But be sure to recognize how they got what they wanted out of you so you're better prepared in the future.

Be careful out there.

I want to add on for everyone here.

Reading about these things can make it seem like this behavior is easily recognizable and easy to not fall for. I assure you this is not the case in a real life situation. These kinds of things can happen to any of us, and multiple times. Different people will have different ways of getting what they want out of you. If its happened to you, don't feel ashamed. But be sure to recognize how they got what they wanted out of you so you're better prepared in the future.

Be careful out there.
141
#141
6 Frags +

Wow. I love watching TF2 LANs, but if there's a hidden cost of people being abused and a source of unprofessionalism is at the very core/top of it, it's not worth it and that's not going to end up growing the community. I always thought that the sort of tight-nit niche community aspect made it unique and charming, but now I see that someone else used that to manipulate and abuse others... I'm at a loss for words.

Anyway. Ignorance is not the cure.Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm sure it wasn't easy.

Wow. I love watching TF2 LANs, but if there's a hidden cost of people being abused and a source of unprofessionalism is at the very core/top of it, it's not worth it and that's not going to end up growing the community. I always thought that the sort of tight-nit niche community aspect made it unique and charming, but now I see that someone else used that to manipulate and abuse others... I'm at a loss for words.

Anyway. Ignorance is not the cure.Thanks for sharing your experiences. I'm sure it wasn't easy.
142
#142
7 Frags +

I'm gonna lay out an unpopular opinion here. If you know someone has abusive tendencies and fail to warn others about it then you're only enabling the problem. Stop being a bystander.

I'm gonna lay out an unpopular opinion here. If you know someone has abusive tendencies and fail to warn others about it then you're only enabling the problem. Stop being a bystander.
143
#143
5 Frags +

It's been said already but mad respect to everyone who shared their story in this thread. Dashner is a piece of dogshit who's never going to learn what he did was wrong.

It's been said already but mad respect to everyone who shared their story in this thread. Dashner is a piece of dogshit who's never going to learn what he did was wrong.
144
#144
28 Frags +

I was dashner's friend back in 2017 before I really knew about what he had done. I can attest that he is a very manipulative person. He is very good at making people do what he wants when they don't want to do it, using very dirty tactics normal people can't use without feeling bad about themselves. He is etremely good at making it seem like you are in the wrong and that he is right, and making things seem like it's your fault in any kind of conflict. He also knows how to make you feel like you actually agree with his ideas, or feel like you can't question his ideas. It is really strange to be on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour. It seems so easy and obvious what he is doing once you are out of that situation, but when you are in the heat of the moment it's really hard to the right thing or even know what the right thing to do is. It's very hard to describe.

I was dashner's friend back in 2017 before I really knew about what he had done. I can attest that he is a very manipulative person. He is very good at making people do what he wants when they don't want to do it, using very dirty tactics normal people can't use without feeling bad about themselves. He is etremely good at making it seem like you are in the wrong and that he is right, and making things seem like it's your fault in any kind of conflict. He also knows how to make you feel like you actually agree with his ideas, or feel like you can't question his ideas. It is really strange to be on the receiving end of that kind of behaviour. It seems so easy and obvious what he is doing once you are out of that situation, but when you are in the heat of the moment it's really hard to the right thing or even know what the right thing to do is. It's very hard to describe.
145
#145
12 Frags +
uberchainGeel9I feel, in some way, responsible for my role -- such as it is -- in legitimizing Dashner through Ready Up / Rewind / etc. I know these are just a small part of his involvement in TF2, and my ability to "legitimize" someone isn't... much, but Ready Up was funded because of me and is still hosted on our YouTube. I'm open to thoughts as to what, if anything, to do on that front -- it wasn't solely Dashner's project, but he is listed prominently in the credits.This was probably the wrong decision but by his request, I allowed Dashner to continue working on the film's post-process editing, even after our break-up, the alcoholism, the manipulation and gaslighting, and after being informed that a sexual experience I had with him was rape. Constantly I was told to get out and stop putting myself through it, but I wanted to make sure it was something that the TF2 community could watch and feel proud of, something that would really show how dedicated and passionate our scene is.

Dashner at the time seemed like the only answer since he was there with me during the birth of Ready Up as an idea. I knew he'd put in the most work and make sure it was really good, because that's what he cares about. I did like how Ready Up came out as a final film, regardless of the involvement of Dashner, and I think Dashner and Loris did a fantastic job with it since I had no professional film editing experience myself. But several things happened during the Ready Up process that felt terrible, and they were:
  • vacations like ESL NY 2017 being turned into business ventures when realistically we should have separated that, complicating and straining our relationship, because holy shit Redeye interview pog
  • collapsing under the weight of an expensive as fuck camera on a tripod at i58 because I'm a shrimp of a human being, filming Sideshow's production tour walkthrough that we couldn't even use because the LAV mic Ash lent us was broken
  • Dashner lashing out at Tagg for not doing enough work, rather than consider the limitations of how i58's venue was dark as fuck even for our expensive as fuck camera, which is why the only i58 photos that exist are players dragged onto the caster stage which was the most sufficient light source
  • Tagg denouncing his friendship with Dashner and his involvement with Ready Up because of how unorganized it all was and for being yelled at and demeaned for free work, and then telling me that maybe I should reconsider my relationship with Dashner and me not listening
  • Dashner asking if I had just gone to i58 just for the free LAN experience, accusing me of just using his money for vacations, and not to actually work only because he saw photos of me having fun without him at i58's afterparty (he would then later tell me when I expressed wanting to go to i61 either we both go to i61, or none of us go)
  • Dashner asking me last minute at Frankfurt on the way to i58 if I can turn around and fly back to Ontario to see him, but me saying I had to go and film for Ready Up, and holding it against me
  • Me agreeing with Dashner we need to bring on Loris because in my mind there was a chance this could go tits up if Dashner decided to have another Fuck TF2™ moodswing during editing
  • Dashner buying into an Adobe Premiere peer-to-peer deal for him and Loris despite not asking Geel for it first, and then realizing it was yearly, stressing he wouldn't pay for it and made it seem like the only sensible option for co-editing with it (it probably was), so I offered even though I made the lowest working wage on Ready Up's team
  • Me having to ask for my logo at the beginning and Dashner guilting me for it
  • Me being unable to ask for editing changes and Dashner telling me it was a pain in the ass to re-render (it is) and he and Loris should have full editing autonomy
  • Me being told that I disappointed Loris and Dashner when I said the ending could have gone in a different direction and Dashner guilting me for it
  • Dashner calling me useless
  • Dashner telling me Ready Up wouldn't have happened without him
  • Dashner telling me I didn't do enough work for it
  • Me still believing he was right to this day and being unable to work on that documentary without feeling like I wanted to kill myself

I almost decided not to go to Rewind 2 for the premiere of Ready Up because I didn't know if I could afford it after paying the buyout. But at the time because my mind was focused on "do it for TF2, they deserve nothing but the best" (which was learned during the Dashner era of production, coincidentally enough), all the pros to going seemed to make up for the cons. There was a bunch of people crowding me to hug me and tell me I did a great job when I burst into tears and bawled like a baby after the credits rolled. That wasn't pride and happiness that it was finally complete. That was me naively thinking, as I stood on stage next to him and had to hug him and thank the people that went to LAN that finally, I was free.

All of these decisions were probably the wrong ones to make, and I'm sorry for not informing you earlier about this and for thinking that this project took priority over not just me, but the community. I was part of the problem, and I see that now. I let superficial things like good production quality and making sure TF2 is represented well blind me to considering what would actually be healthy and right. To this day I still wonder if I should have just cancelled it and disappointed you, if I would've been capable of editing it if I had tried more, if I deserve to have my name on it still, if I should have let Loris do it by himself when I realized Loris was just as good as Dashner was with the advantage of actually still liking TF2. It's also why I'm sympathetic if Loris, who had spent a lot of time with Dashner, had been led by him to believe Dashner's side of the story over mine. And likewise, while I heavily disagree with what she did and am absolutely fucking torn about her dismissing me for Dashner and incredibly upset and angry for ignoring events pertaining to him and Nursey, I understand Sami riding or dying for TF2 because I've been there.

And despite everything, I understand Console's caring for him, and I wish Dashner had meant what he said when he claimed he would work on becoming a better person after I left. I wish he had actually become a better person. I still hope he does rather than keep hurting people, and keep running away from it all.

There's been moments where I felt like I lost Ready Up to my abuser and lose the right to say it was mine. But now that we're here, as co-director of Ready Up, I'd like for it to stay uploaded publicly. While people might sympathize with my experience but disagree in terms of how much actual involvement I had with it since I ended up not being part of the editing process, and most of my ideas were changed for Dashner's direction, I also worked hard on it, tried to film what I could with what limited technical knowledge I had, prepared interview questions and a skeleton storyline, and spent a good chunk of my life for the past few years focused on the film.

I don't want Dashner taking Ready Up away from me anymore. But I understand if you refuse to have his name associated with your brand.

upon reading this I created an account. I'm so sorry this happened to you, uberchain. I hope you realise/remember how much you have contributed to this community, and how much we value you. it's not easy talking about what has happened, but thank you. I wish you peace <3

[quote=uberchain][quote=Geel9]I feel, in some way, responsible for my role -- such as it is -- in legitimizing Dashner through Ready Up / Rewind / etc. I know these are just a small part of his involvement in TF2, and my ability to "legitimize" someone isn't... much, but Ready Up was funded because of me and is still hosted on our YouTube. I'm open to thoughts as to what, if anything, to do on that front -- it wasn't solely Dashner's project, but he is listed prominently in the credits.[/quote]
This was probably the wrong decision but by his request, I allowed Dashner to continue working on the film's post-process editing, even after our break-up, the alcoholism, the manipulation and gaslighting, and after being informed that a sexual experience I had with him was rape. Constantly I was told to get out and stop putting myself through it, but I wanted to make sure it was something that the TF2 community could watch and feel proud of, something that would really show how dedicated and passionate our scene is.

Dashner at the time seemed like the only answer since he was there with me during the birth of Ready Up as an idea. I knew he'd put in the most work and make sure it was really good, because that's what he cares about. I did like how Ready Up came out as a final film, regardless of the involvement of Dashner, and I think Dashner and Loris did a fantastic job with it since I had no professional film editing experience myself. But several things happened during the Ready Up process that felt terrible, and they were:

[list]
[*] vacations like ESL NY 2017 being turned into business ventures when realistically we should have separated that, complicating and straining our relationship, because holy shit Redeye interview pog
[*] collapsing under the weight of an expensive as fuck camera on a tripod at i58 because I'm a shrimp of a human being, filming Sideshow's production tour walkthrough that we couldn't even use because the LAV mic Ash lent us was broken
[*] Dashner lashing out at Tagg for not doing enough work, rather than consider the limitations of how i58's venue was dark as fuck even for our expensive as fuck camera, which is why the only i58 photos that exist are players dragged onto the caster stage which was the most sufficient light source
[*] Tagg denouncing his friendship with Dashner and his involvement with Ready Up because of how unorganized it all was and for being yelled at and demeaned for free work, and then telling me that maybe I should reconsider my relationship with Dashner and me not listening
[*] Dashner asking if I had just gone to i58 just for the free LAN experience, accusing me of just using his money for vacations, and not to actually work only because he saw photos of me having fun without him at i58's afterparty (he would then later tell me when I expressed wanting to go to i61 either we both go to i61, or none of us go)
[*] Dashner asking me last minute at Frankfurt on the way to i58 if I can turn around and fly back to Ontario to see him, but me saying I had to go and film for Ready Up, and holding it against me
[*] Me agreeing with Dashner we need to bring on Loris because in my mind there was a chance this could go tits up if Dashner decided to have another Fuck TF2™ moodswing during editing
[*] Dashner buying into an Adobe Premiere peer-to-peer deal for him and Loris despite not asking Geel for it first, and then realizing it was yearly, stressing he wouldn't pay for it and made it seem like the only sensible option for co-editing with it (it probably was), so I offered even though I made the lowest working wage on Ready Up's team
[*] Me having to ask for my logo at the beginning and Dashner guilting me for it
[*] Me being unable to ask for editing changes and Dashner telling me it was a pain in the ass to re-render (it is) and he and Loris should have full editing autonomy
[*] Me being told that I disappointed Loris and Dashner when I said the ending could have gone in a different direction and Dashner guilting me for it
[*] Dashner calling me useless
[*] Dashner telling me Ready Up wouldn't have happened without him
[*] Dashner telling me I didn't do enough work for it
[*] Me still believing he was right to this day and being unable to work on that documentary without feeling like I wanted to kill myself
[/list]

I almost decided not to go to Rewind 2 for the premiere of Ready Up because I didn't know if I could afford it after paying the buyout. But at the time because my mind was focused on "do it for TF2, they deserve nothing but the best" (which was learned during the Dashner era of production, coincidentally enough), all the pros to going seemed to make up for the cons. There was a bunch of people crowding me to hug me and tell me I did a great job when I burst into tears and bawled like a baby after the credits rolled. That wasn't pride and happiness that it was finally complete. That was me naively thinking, as I stood on stage next to him and had to hug him and thank the people that went to LAN that finally, I was free.

All of these decisions were probably the wrong ones to make, and I'm sorry for not informing you earlier about this and for thinking that this project took priority over not just me, but the community. I was part of the problem, and I see that now. I let superficial things like good production quality and making sure TF2 is represented well blind me to considering what would actually be healthy and right. To this day I still wonder if I should have just cancelled it and disappointed you, if I would've been capable of editing it if I had tried more, if I deserve to have my name on it still, if I should have let Loris do it by himself when I realized Loris was just as good as Dashner was with the advantage of actually still liking TF2. It's also why I'm sympathetic if Loris, who had spent a lot of time with Dashner, had been led by him to believe Dashner's side of the story over mine. And likewise, while I heavily disagree with what she did and am absolutely fucking torn about her dismissing me for Dashner and incredibly upset and angry for ignoring events pertaining to him and Nursey, I understand Sami riding or dying for TF2 because I've been there.

And despite everything, I understand Console's caring for him, and I wish Dashner had meant what he said when he claimed he would work on becoming a better person after I left. I wish he had actually become a better person. I still hope he does rather than keep hurting people, and keep running away from it all.

There's been moments where I felt like I lost Ready Up to my abuser and lose the right to say it was mine. But now that we're here, as co-director of Ready Up, I'd like for it to stay uploaded publicly. While people might sympathize with my experience but disagree in terms of how much actual involvement I had with it since I ended up not being part of the editing process, and most of my ideas were changed for Dashner's direction, I also worked hard on it, tried to film what I could with what limited technical knowledge I had, prepared interview questions and a skeleton storyline, and spent a good chunk of my life for the past few years focused on the film.

I don't want Dashner taking Ready Up away from me anymore. But I understand if you refuse to have his name associated with your brand.[/quote]

upon reading this I created an account. I'm so sorry this happened to you, uberchain. I hope you realise/remember how much you have contributed to this community, and how much we value you. it's not easy talking about what has happened, but thank you. I wish you peace <3
146
#146
-18 Frags +

LMAO at all you people sitting on your high horses talking about how awful and evil Dashner is when all of you knew what was going on all along. Next time get together and speak up instead of hiding it, jesus, what is wrong with you people. This is exactly why people like these are allowed to thrive.

LMAO at all you people sitting on your high horses talking about how awful and evil Dashner is when all of you knew what was going on all along. Next time get together and speak up instead of hiding it, jesus, what is wrong with you people. This is exactly why people like these are allowed to thrive.
147
#147
7 Frags +
Doom1LMAO at all you people sitting on your high horses talking about how awful and evil Dashner is when all of you knew what was going on all along. Next time get together and speak up instead of hiding it, jesus, what is wrong with you people. This is exactly why people like these are allowed to thrive.

I really hope you're a troll, but for many people who've been in situations like this, it's very hard to talk about. I hope you'll have empathy.

[quote=Doom1]LMAO at all you people sitting on your high horses talking about how awful and evil Dashner is when all of you knew what was going on all along. Next time get together and speak up instead of hiding it, jesus, what is wrong with you people. This is exactly why people like these are allowed to thrive.[/quote]

I really hope you're a troll, but for many people who've been in situations like this, it's very hard to talk about. I hope you'll have empathy.
148
#148
-55 Frags +

is console a girl or a guy

is console a girl or a guy
149
#149
8 Frags +
landunderwaveI really hope you're a troll, but for many people who've been in situations like this, it's very hard to talk about. I hope you'll have empathy.

Uberchain has literallly spoken up about his actions but decided, for some reason, to not name him. And it seems like everyone here hated dashnerr and knew about how evil he was, yet decided to keep quiet becasue he's hard to replace I suppose. There are people who haven't been victims of dashnerr but didn't speak up anyway, too. I know about the whole victim-blaming, I may have gone overboard with how I expressed myself, but it's actually angering me that people let this person stay in the community for so long.

[quote=landunderwave]
I really hope you're a troll, but for many people who've been in situations like this, it's very hard to talk about. I hope you'll have empathy.[/quote]

Uberchain has literallly spoken up about his actions but decided, for some reason, to not name him. And it seems like everyone here hated dashnerr and knew about how evil he was, yet decided to keep quiet becasue he's hard to replace I suppose. There are people who haven't been victims of dashnerr but didn't speak up anyway, too. I know about the whole victim-blaming, I may have gone overboard with how I expressed myself, but it's actually angering me that people let this person stay in the community for so long.
150
#150
12 Frags +
paskois console a girl or a guy

Why the fuck does this matter? Sexual abuse is sexual abuse and is 100% not ok in any situation.

[quote=pasko]is console a girl or a guy[/quote]

Why the fuck does this matter? Sexual abuse is sexual abuse and is 100% not ok in any situation.
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