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tftv safe space (no harassment plz)
posted in Off Topic
61
#61
25 Frags +

when u have a bad family life and bad mental shit and ur trans life is already hard
then you put random people and good irl friends just being awful to you in game and then just say "lol that joke about how i said u deserved to be raped is ok ur fine d00d" or "tranny freak die ur awful at this game" like
it's a game and i do not tilt off that it just actually brings back awful memories of things i wish never happened thanks
it's not that hard to be nice i don't think and you're only getting the tactical advantage of making me literally want to die (which has an off chance of making me play worse at best)
i just wanna have fun playing my favorite game with my friends

when u have a bad family life and bad mental shit and ur trans life is already hard
then you put random people and good irl friends just being awful to you in game and then just say "lol that joke about how i said u deserved to be raped is ok ur fine d00d" or "tranny freak die ur awful at this game" like
it's a game and i do not tilt off that it just actually brings back awful memories of things i wish never happened thanks
it's not that hard to be nice i don't think and you're only getting the tactical advantage of making me literally want to die (which has an off chance of making me play worse at best)
i just wanna have fun playing my favorite game with my friends
62
#62
11 Frags +

i wish i wasn't so polarizing when i try to communicate with people and interact with people

i either instantly click with a person and i enjoy being in their company and having a good laugh, or i can't stand them and loathe being in the same mumble channel as them, which is why one half of the community thinks i'm chill and cool to be around, and the other half absolutely can't stand me and wants me dead

i wish i wasn't so polarizing when i try to communicate with people and interact with people

i either instantly click with a person and i enjoy being in their company and having a good laugh, or i can't stand them and loathe being in the same mumble channel as them, which is why one half of the community thinks i'm chill and cool to be around, and the other half absolutely can't stand me and wants me dead
63
#63
20 Frags +

I'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)

The longest conversation I've had with my dad was me confronting him about stealing my money.

I've been forced to go to church every week since I was born and I'm afraid to tell my mom I don't want to go anymore because when my brother told her she kicked him out of the house for a week.

I have a hard time getting straight C's in school because I can't pay attention to something boring for so long.

I punched a girl for making fun of my sister because she has autism and people called me a bad person.
On the topic of autism. People who use that word as an insult either need to seriously meet someone with autism and ask how it has affected their life or shut the fuck up.

I'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)

The longest conversation I've had with my dad was me confronting him about stealing my money.

I've been forced to go to church every week since I was born and I'm afraid to tell my mom I don't want to go anymore because when my brother told her she kicked him out of the house for a week.

I have a hard time getting straight C's in school because I can't pay attention to something boring for so long.

I punched a girl for making fun of my sister because she has autism and people called me a bad person.
On the topic of autism. People who use that word as an insult either need to seriously meet someone with autism and ask how it has affected their life or shut the fuck up.
64
#64
13 Frags +

Picking accounting as a career was a terrible decision and I plan to just never have kids and save the majority of my income and retire in my late 40s or own a gym or something. If my family, friends, and girl weren't in my life I probably would just off myself.

my passion has always been fitness but its too late to pursue that goal as a career.

Here's a warning for everyone starting out in college as an engineer or business major or whatever. If you don't enjoy your classes freshman year fucking switch. I got baited into "accounting makes you rich", and while that's actually true, I can guarantee 95% of accountants hate it.

Really, having a ton of money isn't worth it when it feels like you are really only living your actual life after 5 PM and on weekends.

Chances are if you meet someone who has a high paying office job and has been single for a long time, they probably want to kill themselves.

Picking accounting as a career was a terrible decision and I plan to just never have kids and save the majority of my income and retire in my late 40s or own a gym or something. If my family, friends, and girl weren't in my life I probably would just off myself.

my passion has always been fitness but its too late to pursue that goal as a career.

Here's a warning for everyone starting out in college as an engineer or business major or whatever. If you don't enjoy your classes freshman year fucking switch. I got baited into "accounting makes you rich", and while that's actually true, I can guarantee 95% of accountants hate it.

Really, having a ton of money isn't worth it when it feels like you are really only living your actual life after 5 PM and on weekends.

Chances are if you meet someone who has a high paying office job and has been single for a long time, they probably want to kill themselves.
65
#65
8 Frags +

life sucks work sucks

life sucks work sucks
66
#66
11 Frags +
flufI'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)

what part of your computer broke, maybe tf.tv can help fix it, or if it's a pc part, help you get ahold of a new one

[quote=fluf]I'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)[/quote]
what part of your computer broke, maybe tf.tv can help fix it, or if it's a pc part, help you get ahold of a new one
67
#67
12 Frags +

@anyone letting tf2 get in the way of leading a more fulfilling life (most ppl in this thread) i can 100% recommend quitting cold turkey.

i couldn't do it without help but looking back i was definitely not leading a good life. i was taking meaningless online shit way too hard without a constructive way to cope and it led to a cyclically destructive escapist lifestyle

i'm definitely not the person i want to be yet, but it feels good to be working to better myself

@anyone letting tf2 get in the way of leading a more fulfilling life (most ppl in this thread) i can 100% recommend quitting cold turkey.

i couldn't do it without help but looking back i was definitely not leading a good life. i was taking meaningless online shit way too hard without a constructive way to cope and it led to a cyclically destructive escapist lifestyle

i'm definitely not the person i want to be yet, but it feels good to be working to better myself
68
#68
17 Frags +

I'm paranoid as fuck and have a nearly impossible time relying on people or trusting them so I solve my problems on my own 100% of the time, and I hate when my paranoia hurts others or causes me to make stupid decisions as has been the case recently

EDIT: I also miss watching anime it was a pretty solid medium for art :(

I'm paranoid as fuck and have a nearly impossible time relying on people or trusting them so I solve my problems on my own 100% of the time, and I hate when my paranoia hurts others or causes me to make stupid decisions as has been the case recently

EDIT: I also miss watching anime it was a pretty solid medium for art :(
69
#69
4 Frags +

im voting for trump

im voting for trump
70
#70
6 Frags +

Honestly nothing, NOTHING makes me more LIVID than reading comments anywhere in my country's most popular social networking site.
I'm fine with everyday people irl, but sometimes the guts and close-mindedness to dare say some things is one of the only reasons why I feel very strong emotions of anger.
It might not be about anything way important, but there doesn't seem to be any normal person there.
I've just given up on looking up what other fellow people of my country are thinking.
I'm sorry about this too lol, but this thread is great. I needed this.

Honestly nothing, NOTHING makes me more LIVID than reading comments anywhere in my country's most popular social networking site.
I'm fine with everyday people irl, but sometimes the guts and close-mindedness to dare say some things is one of the only reasons why I feel very strong emotions of anger.
It might not be about anything way important, but there doesn't seem to be any normal person there.
I've just given up on looking up what other fellow people of my country are thinking.
I'm sorry about this too lol, but this thread is great. I needed this.
71
#71
11 Frags +

I have a b4nny size ego in-game and it's the reason a lot of people/teammates dislike me. and it's funny because im the exact polar opposite in real life. So im super sorry to all the people that have to deal with me on a regular basis, I'm aware of the nuisance trust me!

I have a b4nny size ego in-game and it's the reason a lot of people/teammates dislike me. and it's funny because im the exact polar opposite in real life. So im super sorry to all the people that have to deal with me on a regular basis, I'm aware of the nuisance trust me!
72
#72
20 Frags +

I have everything I wanted as a younger me. A good job that pays me really well to do something I love, a nice apartment downtown, a bright future, security and comfort. I'm even losing weight and getting into shape. I don't live paycheck to paycheck, I use my education and training to really make a difference in the world and I have tons of free time to do what I want...

But I'm miserable, I hate myself and I'm just as unhappy as I was 5 years ago. I don't feel like I belong anywhere or that I am wanted anywhere. It feels like everyone is coldly indifferent to my existence.

I have everything I wanted as a younger me. A good job that pays me really well to do something I love, a nice apartment downtown, a bright future, security and comfort. I'm even losing weight and getting into shape. I don't live paycheck to paycheck, I use my education and training to really make a difference in the world and I have tons of free time to do what I want...

But I'm miserable, I hate myself and I'm just as unhappy as I was 5 years ago. I don't feel like I belong anywhere or that I am wanted anywhere. It feels like everyone is coldly indifferent to my existence.
73
#73
newbie.tf
6 Frags +

I play TF2 because I'm too afraid to pursue my dream.

I mean, ok, taking that back, I started playing TF2 when I was in a really bad place in my life with severe undiagnosed depression and working two jobs and finishing my degree, which was like, slowly sapping my will to live. So TF2 took care of that. Now I got help, graduated, finally got a job that I really enjoy and that has decent career prospects.

But I can't bring myself to pick up the thing I love. I drew and told stories since I was very very young, my mother still has collections of shit I made up and stories she taped me telling when I was a toddler and could barely talk. But every time I pull out my binders of notes again all I can see is how everything is below my expectations, how there are so many mistakes in my designs, how my stories could be fancier, more fascinating and interesting and I worry about the fact that someone is going to look at it and go "oh, so this is just like this other story I read somewhere, only worse". So I just go and do the job that's safe (ironically, one that has me working with people who DID take the step and actually produced something) and then come home to play TF2 and read and forget that I have all these binders of ideas that I'm too afraid to actually commit to.

I play TF2 because I'm too afraid to pursue my dream.

I mean, ok, taking that back, I started playing TF2 when I was in a really bad place in my life with severe undiagnosed depression and working two jobs and finishing my degree, which was like, slowly sapping my will to live. So TF2 took care of that. Now I got help, graduated, finally got a job that I really enjoy and that has decent career prospects.

But I can't bring myself to pick up the thing I love. I drew and told stories since I was very very young, my mother still has collections of shit I made up and stories she taped me telling when I was a toddler and could barely talk. But every time I pull out my binders of notes again all I can see is how everything is below my expectations, how there are so many mistakes in my designs, how my stories could be fancier, more fascinating and interesting and I worry about the fact that someone is going to look at it and go "oh, so this is just like this other story I read somewhere, only worse". So I just go and do the job that's safe (ironically, one that has me working with people who DID take the step and actually produced something) and then come home to play TF2 and read and forget that I have all these binders of ideas that I'm too afraid to actually commit to.
74
#74
11 Frags +

There was a point when I was putting 140+ hours in the past 2 weeks earlier this summer and I still sucked. I would DM/MGE/pug for hours, and when those were over, I'd do newbots and look at lots of demos. I've done so much to try to get better at this game but it felt like I wasn't going anywhere. Even now, I'm not sure if I've gotten better from the beginning of this season. It was so frustrating and I've wanted to quit because I've thought, "what's the point?" I saw people putting in much less time and still doing better than me and it annoyed me that I still wasn't getting anywhere.

To add onto that, I overthink stuff too much. A certain friend that I have would always start sucking random players' dicks for how good they were, and I'd always think that I wasn't good and I should just quit because nobody thinks I'm good (or even decent), and definitely nobody will think I'm that good. I don't think any of my friends really knew how much time I devoted over the past year into just trying to get good at tf2 (I wrote my college essays in around an hour, my school grades plummeted (even though they weren't bad, they were very below my standards), and I rarely talk to my family anymore because I just stay in my room). It didn't really help that I basically got no tryouts when I was lft and I thought that everybody thought I was bad. To add on, I also have a really bad case of paranoia where I think that everybody is out to shittalk me so that's why I can't really accept any compliments, because I think that they're lies (mainly something that stemmed from getting bullied in school).

I also have basically no irl friends, the "friends" that I have irl almost always exclude me from stuff that they do, so I escape to tf2. Playing tf2's been the happiest I've been because it feels like I have friends, but I'm always reminded of how I don't have any social life irl and to top it off, my parents are dead set on getting me to quit this game. I also don't know how to talk to people, even online, so I don't have that many friends online either. Due to this game I don't even talk to my parents anymore either (and I hate myself for it so much but I'm so bad at talking to people I don't even know how to fix it) so irl it just feels like I'm all alone.

Also I hate being considered toxic, as I try my best not to be. However, I feel like due to frustrations I have been as of late, and I apologize to anyone who does think that. Recently someone on steam (jokingly?) called me a toxic weeb and I got pretty sad over that because I thought I haven't been like that. I hate myself and what I've become quite a lot. Irl I'm not a toxic person, just in video games.

Thanks for the thread, it was a good way to list stuff and rant, but also identify the problems I'm having.

Sorry about the long post.

There was a point when I was putting 140+ hours in the past 2 weeks earlier this summer and I still sucked. I would DM/MGE/pug for hours, and when those were over, I'd do newbots and look at lots of demos. I've done so much to try to get better at this game but it felt like I wasn't going anywhere. Even now, I'm not sure if I've gotten better from the beginning of this season. It was so frustrating and I've wanted to quit because I've thought, "what's the point?" I saw people putting in much less time and still doing better than me and it annoyed me that I still wasn't getting anywhere.

To add onto that, I overthink stuff too much. A certain friend that I have would always start sucking random players' dicks for how good they were, and I'd always think that I wasn't good and I should just quit because nobody thinks I'm good (or even decent), and definitely nobody will think I'm that good. I don't think any of my friends really knew how much time I devoted over the past year into just trying to get good at tf2 (I wrote my college essays in around an hour, my school grades plummeted (even though they weren't bad, they were very below my standards), and I rarely talk to my family anymore because I just stay in my room). It didn't really help that I basically got no tryouts when I was lft and I thought that everybody thought I was bad. To add on, I also have a really bad case of paranoia where I think that everybody is out to shittalk me so that's why I can't really accept any compliments, because I think that they're lies (mainly something that stemmed from getting bullied in school).

I also have basically no irl friends, the "friends" that I have irl almost always exclude me from stuff that they do, so I escape to tf2. Playing tf2's been the happiest I've been because it feels like I have friends, but I'm always reminded of how I don't have any social life irl and to top it off, my parents are dead set on getting me to quit this game. I also don't know how to talk to people, even online, so I don't have that many friends online either. Due to this game I don't even talk to my parents anymore either (and I hate myself for it so much but I'm so bad at talking to people I don't even know how to fix it) so irl it just feels like I'm all alone.

Also I hate being considered toxic, as I try my best not to be. However, I feel like due to frustrations I have been as of late, and I apologize to anyone who does think that. Recently someone on steam (jokingly?) called me a toxic weeb and I got pretty sad over that because I thought I haven't been like that. I hate myself and what I've become quite a lot. Irl I'm not a toxic person, just in video games.

Thanks for the thread, it was a good way to list stuff and rant, but also identify the problems I'm having.

Sorry about the long post.
75
#75
5 Frags +

9 year NEET

9 year NEET
76
#76
17 Frags +

I've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health.

I withdrew myself from most of reality when I was in the 5th grade and have no actual friends or social life outside of the internet anymore. Everyone in my school sees me as that weird awkward kid who doesn't talk to anyone and sleeps through all his classes.

I have no social skills and have no idea how to talk to people. Even when I went to TLAN, where I knew I had similar interests as people there, I was terrified of talking to anybody in the venue. I remember even when I was walking into the venue my right leg was shaking/twitching rapidly as I was scared of meeting new people. I don't even know how to talk to my own parents that well, I don't remember the last time I've told my mom or dad "I love you" because it sounds extremely awkward and weird in my head, even though I mean what I want to say. I refuse to see a therapist even though every doctor I've went to about my social issues has recommended it because I don't trust them. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to break down and suffer from crippling depression and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened sometime soon.

I have extremely bad anxiety and have panic attacks at least twice a week, it's honestly the worst feeling ever and I feel like the world is ending when they happen. They mostly happen late at night, so nobody is around to help me get over them.

I'm extremely grateful for all the friends I've made in this community, without them I don't know where I'd be. Thanks for the thread, it's about time I got this off my chest.

I've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health.

I withdrew myself from most of reality when I was in the 5th grade and have no actual friends or social life outside of the internet anymore. Everyone in my school sees me as that weird awkward kid who doesn't talk to anyone and sleeps through all his classes.

I have no social skills and have no idea how to talk to people. Even when I went to TLAN, where I knew I had similar interests as people there, I was terrified of talking to anybody in the venue. I remember even when I was walking into the venue my right leg was shaking/twitching rapidly as I was scared of meeting new people. I don't even know how to talk to my own parents that well, I don't remember the last time I've told my mom or dad "I love you" because it sounds extremely awkward and weird in my head, even though I mean what I want to say. I refuse to see a therapist even though every doctor I've went to about my social issues has recommended it because I don't trust them. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to break down and suffer from crippling depression and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened sometime soon.

I have extremely bad anxiety and have panic attacks at least twice a week, it's honestly the worst feeling ever and I feel like the world is ending when they happen. They mostly happen late at night, so nobody is around to help me get over them.

I'm extremely grateful for all the friends I've made in this community, without them I don't know where I'd be. Thanks for the thread, it's about time I got this off my chest.
77
#77
14 Frags +
fusionnI've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health.

I withdrew myself from most of reality when I was in the 5th grade and have no actual friends or social life outside of the internet anymore. Everyone in my school sees me as that weird awkward kid who doesn't talk to anyone and sleeps through all his classes.

I have no social skills and have no idea how to talk to people. Even when I went to TLAN, where I knew I had similar interests as people there, I was terrified of talking to anybody in the venue. I remember even when I was walking into the venue my right leg was shaking/twitching rapidly as I was scared of meeting new people. I don't even know how to talk to my own parents that well, I don't remember the last time I've told my mom or dad "I love you" because it sounds extremely awkward and weird in my head, even though I mean what I want to say. I refuse to see a therapist even though every doctor I've went to about my social issues has recommended it because I don't trust them. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to break down and suffer from crippling depression and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened sometime soon.

I'm extremely grateful for all the friends I've made in this community, without them I don't know where I'd be. Thanks for the thread, it's about time I got this off my chest.

In terms of weight loss something I've really been enjoying is going for super late night bike rides. This has a bunch of benefits. For one, bike riding is a lot less stress on your joints which is a big deal if you're overweight, also if you're like me and self-conscious then something keeping you from exercising might be that you don't wanna go to a gym with other people. Also it helps with being able to sleep if you're physically exhausting yourself.

[quote=fusionn]I've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health.

I withdrew myself from most of reality when I was in the 5th grade and have no actual friends or social life outside of the internet anymore. Everyone in my school sees me as that weird awkward kid who doesn't talk to anyone and sleeps through all his classes.

I have no social skills and have no idea how to talk to people. Even when I went to TLAN, where I knew I had similar interests as people there, I was terrified of talking to anybody in the venue. I remember even when I was walking into the venue my right leg was shaking/twitching rapidly as I was scared of meeting new people. I don't even know how to talk to my own parents that well, I don't remember the last time I've told my mom or dad "I love you" because it sounds extremely awkward and weird in my head, even though I mean what I want to say. I refuse to see a therapist even though every doctor I've went to about my social issues has recommended it because I don't trust them. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to break down and suffer from crippling depression and I wouldn't be surprised if it happened sometime soon.

I'm extremely grateful for all the friends I've made in this community, without them I don't know where I'd be. Thanks for the thread, it's about time I got this off my chest.[/quote]

In terms of weight loss something I've really been enjoying is going for super late night bike rides. This has a bunch of benefits. For one, bike riding is a lot less stress on your joints which is a big deal if you're overweight, also if you're like me and self-conscious then something keeping you from exercising might be that you don't wanna go to a gym with other people. Also it helps with being able to sleep if you're physically exhausting yourself.
78
#78
-22 Frags +
flufI'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)

ok but why do you care about an online cartoon fps game

[quote=fluf]I'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)[/quote]

ok but why do you care about an online cartoon fps game
79
#79
-1 Frags +

maining marth was the best thing that ever happened to me

maining marth was the best thing that ever happened to me
80
#80
10 Frags +

The craziest, most painful, and yet most pleasant experience i've ever had was probably when i fell in love with a chick 4 states away from me over this fucking video game about a year and a half ago.

I still don't think that in of itself was the main issue, really. She was the closest friend i've ever had the few months after i outright confessed my feelings to her. The honest problem was that during that time i would at times let loose on her all of my fears and insecurities on her because she was the first time I could do that. It's not until nowadays that I realize how unattractive and shitty that made me; let's be honest, what chick, or just what person, likes a whiny beta bitch?

It's kinda funny how when fall semester came around that everything 180'd and she was the one constantly complaining about how horrible things were to her, and I would text her these super large paragraphs about why she was so damn wonderful and how everything would be alright. Problem was her self-loathing was far worse than anything I ever felt, and it really started to break down the "relationship" (never really was one). The climax was on Halloween last year when I spent 2+ hours telling her that she's great and shouldn't feel so bad about herself and she just kept responding with "fuck you, i'm a piece of shit and you can't do anything about it". And even after that i found out she was lying about liking me at all, or at least at some point started to.

Anyways, i'm not typing this out to get it off my chest, as after all these months I have finally gotten over it. But I do hope anyone who reads this can learn from my, and really her mistakes as well. Do not let your self-loathing destroy a good relationship.

The craziest, most painful, and yet most pleasant experience i've ever had was probably when i fell in love with a chick 4 states away from me over this fucking video game about a year and a half ago.

I still don't think that in of itself was the main issue, really. She was the closest friend i've ever had the few months after i outright confessed my feelings to her. The honest problem was that during that time i would at times let loose on her all of my fears and insecurities on her because she was the first time I could do that. It's not until nowadays that I realize how unattractive and shitty that made me; let's be honest, what chick, or just what person, likes a whiny beta bitch?

It's kinda funny how when fall semester came around that everything 180'd and she was the one constantly complaining about how horrible things were to her, and I would text her these super large paragraphs about why she was so damn wonderful and how everything would be alright. Problem was her self-loathing was far worse than anything I ever felt, and it really started to break down the "relationship" (never really was one). The climax was on Halloween last year when I spent 2+ hours telling her that she's great and shouldn't feel so bad about herself and she just kept responding with "fuck you, i'm a piece of shit and you can't do anything about it". And even after that i found out she was lying about liking me at all, or at least at some point started to.

Anyways, i'm not typing this out to get it off my chest, as after all these months I have finally gotten over it. But I do hope anyone who reads this can learn from my, and really her mistakes as well. Do not let your self-loathing destroy a good relationship.
81
#81
3 Frags +

I went into college not because I necessarily WANTED to but just because throughout high school I was always told I needed to. I have no career in mind going into my second year, I failed 3 of my classes freshman year, and I feel so incredibly unintelligent compared to my peers.

One thing I can thank though is that because of TF2 I met my best friend a few years ago when I was dicking around in my local chicago Skial 24/7 Dustbowl server and she was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Without her I'm honestly kind of afraid to think about what I would be like now.

I went into college not because I necessarily WANTED to but just because throughout high school I was always told I needed to. I have no career in mind going into my second year, I failed 3 of my classes freshman year, and I feel so incredibly unintelligent compared to my peers.

One thing I can thank though is that because of TF2 I met my best friend a few years ago when I was dicking around in my local chicago Skial 24/7 Dustbowl server and she was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Without her I'm honestly kind of afraid to think about what I would be like now.
82
#82
6 Frags +
saamfusionnstuff
In terms of weight loss something I've really been enjoying is going for super late night bike rides. This has a bunch of benefits. For one, bike riding is a lot less stress on your joints which is a big deal if you're overweight, also if you're like me and self-conscious then something keeping you from exercising might be that you don't wanna go to a gym with other people. Also it helps with being able to sleep if you're physically exhausting yourself.

i think my sisters friend stole my bike when he was high one day like last year :|

[quote=saam][quote=fusionn]stuff[/quote]

In terms of weight loss something I've really been enjoying is going for super late night bike rides. This has a bunch of benefits. For one, bike riding is a lot less stress on your joints which is a big deal if you're overweight, also if you're like me and self-conscious then something keeping you from exercising might be that you don't wanna go to a gym with other people. Also it helps with being able to sleep if you're physically exhausting yourself.[/quote]

i think my sisters friend stole my bike when he was high one day like last year :|
83
#83
3 Frags +

For real though since Ive moved to michigan Ive felt my quality of life has gone down the shitter, my job is the most boring and draining thing in the world and every day I grow more and more lonely because I know nobody in this state, I dont know the layout, and my roommate has completely different interests then me so we barely have actual conversations. I miss my family back down in maryland and I feel like my sudden move caused alot of stress and sadness on my family that could have easily been avoided by me just staying home and looking for a job there, instead of me making the kneejerk decision to move that I now heavily regret. Thank god Im seeing them on my birthday otherwise I would have completely lost it from the loneliness.

For real though since Ive moved to michigan Ive felt my quality of life has gone down the shitter, my job is the most boring and draining thing in the world and every day I grow more and more lonely because I know nobody in this state, I dont know the layout, and my roommate has completely different interests then me so we barely have actual conversations. I miss my family back down in maryland and I feel like my sudden move caused alot of stress and sadness on my family that could have easily been avoided by me just staying home and looking for a job there, instead of me making the kneejerk decision to move that I now heavily regret. Thank god Im seeing them on my birthday otherwise I would have completely lost it from the loneliness.
84
#84
3 Frags +

I have no reason to complain about my life but I'm still unsure if I should post my insecurities in this thread.

I have no reason to complain about my life but I'm still unsure if I should post my insecurities in this thread.
85
#85
4 Frags +

I can't decide what to do with my mental health problems from here on out. I've stopped taking my medications to see if I can manage without them, and I don't know if it's getting better or worse. Some days I have a constant headache, other days I might have a full panic attack, some days I'll feel find, the next I may want to kill myself.

Earlier this year I almost had the chance to work at a dream studio, except that I did not make the final cuts. I know that I shouldn't blame myself, but part of me can't stop beating myself up and smashing every bit of enjoyment of out drawing. Now every job I've applied to since then I'm either underqualified or overqualified, and it just makes me mad. I find it hard to try and instill confidence in myself, every time I look in the mirror I just see a fat ugly loser who can't achieve anything.

I can't decide what to do with my mental health problems from here on out. I've stopped taking my medications to see if I can manage without them, and I don't know if it's getting better or worse. Some days I have a constant headache, other days I might have a full panic attack, some days I'll feel find, the next I may want to kill myself.

Earlier this year I almost had the chance to work at a dream studio, except that I did not make the final cuts. I know that I shouldn't blame myself, but part of me can't stop beating myself up and smashing every bit of enjoyment of out drawing. Now every job I've applied to since then I'm either underqualified or overqualified, and it just makes me mad. I find it hard to try and instill confidence in myself, every time I look in the mirror I just see a fat ugly loser who can't achieve anything.
86
#86
1 Frags +
ZarflufI'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)

ok but why do you care about an online cartoon fps game

Because I never did well in everything. Everyone around me was better than me at everything. When a couple of my friends and I started playing tf2 and I pounded them everyday till they quit I felt successful at something for once.

[quote=Zar][quote=fluf]I'm so poor it took me two years to save up $700 for a computer that stopped working a week after I got it and I don't have enough money to pay someone to fix it.
Guess I'll just watch people around me get better as miss out on the best part of this game :)[/quote]

ok but why do you care about an online cartoon fps game[/quote]
Because I never did well in everything. Everyone around me was better than me at everything. When a couple of my friends and I started playing tf2 and I pounded them everyday till they quit I felt successful at something for once.
87
#87
-12 Frags +

i suck crack for dick money

i suck crack for dick money
88
#88
6 Frags +

i spend every night before i go to sleep fervently praying that i never wake up

i dont want to kill myself but basically my overriding goal in life is to die accidentally as soon as possible

i spend every night before i go to sleep fervently praying that i never wake up

i dont want to kill myself but basically my overriding goal in life is to die accidentally as soon as possible
89
#89
3 Frags +

I have a really massive ego that centers around everything I do. I re-read everything I write weeks after I make it and sometimes compulsively check if the response on it has changed. Over time I've learned that faking humility is what makes people like me the most. IDK it all feels kind of fake that I try to do 'good' things for the sake of other people's approval instead of because they are good

I have a really massive ego that centers around everything I do. I re-read everything I write weeks after I make it and sometimes compulsively check if the response on it has changed. Over time I've learned that faking humility is what makes people like me the most. IDK it all feels kind of fake that I try to do 'good' things for the sake of other people's approval instead of because they are good
90
#90
5 Frags +
fusionnI've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health.

So here's my 2 cents on this part. When I was younger up until my freshman year of high school (starting my sophomore year of college now) I was always chubby I swam for 5 years however I would eat a crap ton. Freshman year I discovered tf2 and I had already had to quit swimming due to injured knees. I went from around 160 up to 215. Around 6 months ago I got really tired of looking at pictures of me next to my thin, great looking friends and wanted to change it. I didn't really know a whole lot about fitness and dieting so I started doing these 20-30 minute bodyweight exercises in my room at night when everyone was asleep and no one would come into the room. I also started eating at this organic food store next to my college instead of eating the junk in the college cafeteria. After losing 8 or so pounds in the first month I found that the weight loss is a super good feeling and the exercise is almost addicting. At the end of march I actually got serious about it and set a goal of 155 pounds. The two or so weeks of actual dieting and exercise was kind of hellish to say the least but it got better. I noticed that a lot of the food I used to eat was eaten more so due to boredom, frustration, sadness, or even happiness. The phrase "Don't eat to be full, eat to not be hungry" came up somewhere and I still follow that now. Anyways, I kept dieting and doing a ton of cardio but what turned into the most frustrating part was that friends and even my parents were laughing at me because it seemed so weird that I of all people was doing all this to better myself. I basically used their laughter as fuel to work harder towards my goal. Anyways, last friday, my weekly weighing day, I hit that 155 pound goal and decided to really look at how this has changed me not only physically, but mentally. Physically, I look better, I feel better, I also have infinitely less headaches which used to happen 3-4 times a week for the whole day. As for mentally I'm overall a bit happier and have a fair bit more confidence. I don't look in the mirror every day feeling disappointed in my self.

Overall, ease into dieting and exercise to avoid getting super discouraged early on. The first 2-3 weeks of getting serious with it will probably be pretty suckish but it gets a lot easier after that. It'll take time. It took time to get to this point, it'll take time to get out of it. If people put you down, use it as fuel and remember the only thing you're trying to prove to anyone is proving to yourself that you can meet a goal to better yourself. If you, or anyone else for that matter, want any help with any of this feel free to add me. I've done an ungodly amount of research on this stuff.

Oh also you mentioned social skills. Getting a job as a waiter helped me a ton because I eventually realize "Shit if I don't act super nice and talkative to my customers I'm not getting a good tip. Tips are cool."

[quote=fusionn]I've been overweight for like 5 years, currently almost 240 pounds and I'm only fucking 15 and I pretty much always feel like shit because of it. I've been procrastinating for years about fixing myself up and eating better/exercising and every summer I tell myself I'm gonna get outside but I never fucking do. I'm so lazy and unwilling to get healthier that I even got my guidance counselor at school to replace my PE class with a study hall, even though PE is mandatory to graduate. I failed 9th grade PE because of this and I have no idea how I'm gonna make up the credit. My family has a history of heart disease and most of my relatives have died from heart related problems, resulting in me being afraid and paranoid that I'm going to have a heart attack every second of the day because of my health. [/quote]

So here's my 2 cents on this part. When I was younger up until my freshman year of high school (starting my sophomore year of college now) I was always chubby I swam for 5 years however I would eat a crap ton. Freshman year I discovered tf2 and I had already had to quit swimming due to injured knees. I went from around 160 up to 215. Around 6 months ago I got really tired of looking at pictures of me next to my thin, great looking friends and wanted to change it. I didn't really know a whole lot about fitness and dieting so I started doing these 20-30 minute bodyweight exercises in my room at night when everyone was asleep and no one would come into the room. I also started eating at this organic food store next to my college instead of eating the junk in the college cafeteria. After losing 8 or so pounds in the first month I found that the weight loss is a super good feeling and the exercise is almost addicting. At the end of march I actually got serious about it and set a goal of 155 pounds. The two or so weeks of actual dieting and exercise was kind of hellish to say the least but it got better. I noticed that a lot of the food I used to eat was eaten more so due to boredom, frustration, sadness, or even happiness. The phrase "Don't eat to be full, eat to not be hungry" came up somewhere and I still follow that now. Anyways, I kept dieting and doing a ton of cardio but what turned into the most frustrating part was that friends and even my parents were laughing at me because it seemed so weird that I of all people was doing all this to better myself. I basically used their laughter as fuel to work harder towards my goal. Anyways, last friday, my weekly weighing day, I hit that 155 pound goal and decided to really look at how this has changed me not only physically, but mentally. Physically, I look better, I feel better, I also have infinitely less headaches which used to happen 3-4 times a week for the whole day. As for mentally I'm overall a bit happier and have a fair bit more confidence. I don't look in the mirror every day feeling disappointed in my self.

Overall, ease into dieting and exercise to avoid getting super discouraged early on. The first 2-3 weeks of getting serious with it will probably be pretty suckish but it gets a lot easier after that. It'll take time. It took time to get to this point, it'll take time to get out of it. If people put you down, use it as fuel and remember the only thing you're trying to prove to anyone is proving to yourself that you can meet a goal to better yourself. If you, or anyone else for that matter, want any help with any of this feel free to add me. I've done an ungodly amount of research on this stuff.

Oh also you mentioned social skills. Getting a job as a waiter helped me a ton because I eventually realize "Shit if I don't act super nice and talkative to my customers I'm not getting a good tip. Tips are cool."
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