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tftv safe space (no harassment plz)
posted in Off Topic
31
#31
18 Frags +

It doesn't matter what i do; I just can't seem to improve. I've tried just about anything I can to do better but I still feel like i'm a lost cause. I've watched my peers from many years ago get so far in this game while I can't even get tryouts on a team. I've tried to be the best person i could in any pug I play in, anyone i hang out with, etc. and even though I sometimes lose my temper I still can't even fucking get a tryout, while there's people with awful reputation/attitude getting on amazing teams. For season 23, I've had only two tryouts. I've asked multiple people to see if I could try out just to be told "uhh yea we'll get u a tryout" and then never talk to me again. It really just makes me wonder why i'm still playing this game because it seems like i'm just wasting my time. I've had people i hang out with make teams with other friends from the same group but never ask me because i'm not good and even though i've spent the last ~year trying to improve i still feel like i'm shit. and to top all of this off i have a douchebag brother who has literally fucked my internet over on purpose when i played an ESEA match, and there isn't any way that i can pay for myself on ESEA due to my father believing that i'm stupid for trying to play this game still. I've had the community of the game pay for me for the two seasons i have played, and because i'm 14 there really isn't a lot of ways for me to get money. oh and i fucking suck at school so i got that going for me

It doesn't matter what i do; I just can't seem to improve. I've tried just about anything I can to do better but I still feel like i'm a lost cause. I've watched my peers from many years ago get so far in this game while I can't even get tryouts on a team. I've tried to be the best person i could in any pug I play in, anyone i hang out with, etc. and even though I sometimes lose my temper I still can't even fucking get a tryout, while there's people with awful reputation/attitude getting on amazing teams. For season 23, I've had only two tryouts. I've asked multiple people to see if I could try out just to be told "uhh yea we'll get u a tryout" and then never talk to me again. It really just makes me wonder why i'm still playing this game because it seems like i'm just wasting my time. I've had people i hang out with make teams with other friends from the same group but never ask me because i'm not good and even though i've spent the last ~year trying to improve i still feel like i'm shit. and to top all of this off i have a douchebag brother who has literally fucked my internet over [b]on purpose[/b] when i played an ESEA match, and there isn't any way that i can pay for myself on ESEA due to my father believing that i'm stupid for trying to play this game still. I've had the community of the game pay for me for the two seasons i have played, and because i'm 14 there really isn't a lot of ways for me to get money. oh and i fucking suck at school so i got that going for me
32
#32
10 Frags +

therapy.tv

therapy.tv
33
#33
-1 Frags +

im not asian

im not asian
34
#34
-1 Frags +
rowpiecesIt doesn't matter what i do; I just can't seem to improve. I've tried just about anything I can to do better but I still feel like i'm a lost cause. I've watched my peers from many years ago get so far in this game while I can't even get tryouts on a team. I've tried to be the best person i could in any pug I play in, anyone i hang out with, etc. and even though I sometimes lose my temper I still can't even fucking get a tryout, while there's people with awful reputation/attitude getting on amazing teams. For season 23, I've had only two tryouts. I've asked multiple people to see if I could try out just to be told "uhh yea we'll get u a tryout" and then never talk to me again. It really just makes me wonder why i'm still playing this game because it seems like i'm just wasting my time. I've had people i hang out with make teams with other friends from the same group but never ask me because i'm not good and even though i've spent the last ~year trying to improve i still feel like i'm shit. and to top all of this off i have a douchebag brother who has literally fucked my internet over on purpose when i played an ESEA match, and there isn't any way that i can pay for myself on ESEA due to my father believing that i'm stupid for trying to play this game still. I've had the community of the game pay for me for the two seasons i have played, and because i'm 14 there really isn't a lot of ways for me to get money. oh and i fucking suck at school so i got that going for me

didn't your dad play comp tf2 too?

[quote=rowpieces]It doesn't matter what i do; I just can't seem to improve. I've tried just about anything I can to do better but I still feel like i'm a lost cause. I've watched my peers from many years ago get so far in this game while I can't even get tryouts on a team. I've tried to be the best person i could in any pug I play in, anyone i hang out with, etc. and even though I sometimes lose my temper I still can't even fucking get a tryout, while there's people with awful reputation/attitude getting on amazing teams. For season 23, I've had only two tryouts. I've asked multiple people to see if I could try out just to be told "uhh yea we'll get u a tryout" and then never talk to me again. It really just makes me wonder why i'm still playing this game because it seems like i'm just wasting my time. I've had people i hang out with make teams with other friends from the same group but never ask me because i'm not good and even though i've spent the last ~year trying to improve i still feel like i'm shit. and to top all of this off i have a douchebag brother who has literally fucked my internet over [b]on purpose[/b] when i played an ESEA match, and there isn't any way that i can pay for myself on ESEA due to my father believing that i'm stupid for trying to play this game still. I've had the community of the game pay for me for the two seasons i have played, and because i'm 14 there really isn't a lot of ways for me to get money. oh and i fucking suck at school so i got that going for me[/quote]

didn't your dad play comp tf2 too?
35
#35
15 Frags +

it's depressing as fuck to see people like nursey, ash and muma that i played with in the past surpass me so quickly when i've been putting in all the time and effort i possibly can to get good

this is partially attributable to my last 3 seasons being on last-second "save IM" teams

it's also shitty to be considered bad because you don't have results when your only "real" seasons were s17 and s18, seasons where you had a team that didnt have half its roster buster out or wasnt made 2 days before the season started

it's depressing as fuck to see people like nursey, ash and muma that i played with in the past surpass me so quickly when i've been putting in all the time and effort i possibly can to get good

this is partially attributable to my last 3 seasons being on last-second "save IM" teams

it's also shitty to be considered bad because you don't have results when your only "real" seasons were s17 and s18, seasons where you had a team that didnt have half its roster buster out or wasnt made 2 days before the season started
36
#36
2 Frags +
rowpieces-snip-

Damn that thing your brother did was really scummy, and well if your father doesn't want to pay for you to sign in (which when you think about it, its understandable that he wouldn't like the idea) you could try atleast the ugc leagues, even if its not the same level, atleast you are playing something, also how long have you been playing tf2 and how many hours do you have played on it?

[quote=rowpieces]-snip-[/quote]
Damn that thing your brother did was really scummy, and well if your father doesn't want to pay for you to sign in (which when you think about it, its understandable that he wouldn't like the idea) you could try atleast the ugc leagues, even if its not the same level, atleast you are playing something, also how long have you been playing tf2 and how many hours do you have played on it?
37
#37
33 Frags +

u niggas continue to breath on this world and have enough time to play this game for hours on end
be happy, jesus

http://49.media.tumblr.com/0e4697b23b49425849c9a83e2970ebf7/tumblr_nw149z8bYs1re247jo1_400.gif

u niggas continue to breath on this world and have enough time to play this game for hours on end
be happy, jesus

[img]http://49.media.tumblr.com/0e4697b23b49425849c9a83e2970ebf7/tumblr_nw149z8bYs1re247jo1_400.gif[/img]
38
#38
14 Frags +

Procrastination will be the death of me. Waited until I was 19 to get my driver's. Waited until I was 18 to even start looking for an easy part time job. Procrastinated on a lot of my school work and as a result I don't even know if I can make it into college this year. Waited too long to register for my courses. Hesitated on so many opportunities for no reason. I could have gotten a selfie with Jay Z and Beyonce when I was like 12. I could have had a school sponsored trip to France (note that I think France in general is really cool). Could have started so many things so much earlier what I had the chance to but didn't. I don't really dwell on my past mistakes too much but when I do it hits hard all of the things I could have done so easily but didn't and I don't get the benefits of the decisions I could have taken. Not even the decisions but just getting my shit done on time was such a problem for me. Even in video games and stuff I can barely get the dailies for the 2 games that have them. At least I've identified my problem and I'm trying to work on it.

Procrastination will be the death of me. Waited until I was 19 to get my driver's. Waited until I was 18 to even start looking for an easy part time job. Procrastinated on a lot of my school work and as a result I don't even know if I can make it into college this year. Waited too long to register for my courses. Hesitated on so many opportunities for no reason. I could have gotten a selfie with Jay Z and Beyonce when I was like 12. I could have had a school sponsored trip to France (note that I think France in general is really cool). Could have started so many things so much earlier what I had the chance to but didn't. I don't really dwell on my past mistakes too much but when I do it hits hard all of the things I could have done so easily but didn't and I don't get the benefits of the decisions I could have taken. Not even the decisions but just getting my shit done on time was such a problem for me. Even in video games and stuff I can barely get the dailies for the 2 games that have them. At least I've identified my problem and I'm trying to work on it.
39
#39
6 Frags +

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLEdsI731J4

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLEdsI731J4[/youtube]
40
#40
26 Frags +

Every time i get called shit, or do mildly bad, i get super depressed.

Every time i get called shit, or do mildly bad, i get super depressed.
41
#41
22 Frags +

I'm losing friends because they're starting to do hardcore drugs and i'm not down. I realize this game is a waste of time but i won't quit. I get by in school but feel like i'll never go anywhere. I feel like i'll never find a job that I would actually enjoy.

I'm losing friends because they're starting to do hardcore drugs and i'm not down. I realize this game is a waste of time but i won't quit. I get by in school but feel like i'll never go anywhere. I feel like i'll never find a job that I would actually enjoy.
42
#42
9 Frags +

I am very apathetic and selfish. I find it hard to care about others and I am often inconsiderate because of this.

I am very apathetic and selfish. I find it hard to care about others and I am often inconsiderate because of this.
43
#43
0 Frags +
downpourPankeyman is actually my alt

I miss being able to use Captain_Obvious. It was such a stupid and gimmicky alt, but it worked amazingly better than I expected it to.

[quote=downpour]Pankeyman is actually my alt[/quote]

I miss being able to use Captain_Obvious. It was such a stupid and gimmicky alt, but it worked amazingly better than I expected it to.
44
#44
5 Frags +

I think I have depression but I dont ever want to acknowledge it

I think I have depression but I dont ever want to acknowledge it
45
#45
3 Frags +

i feel like a loner despite having many friends (both being internet ones and irl ones) i just dislike hanging out with a group of friends due to my introversion

i feel like a loner despite having many friends (both being internet ones and irl ones) i just dislike hanging out with a group of friends due to my introversion
46
#46
2 Frags +

i barely ever read the news and now i'm realizing how sheltered i was

like i thought america (where i live no na eu flame pls) was actually a great freedom haven or something lol

i barely ever read the news and now i'm realizing how sheltered i was

like i thought america (where i live no na eu flame pls) was actually a great freedom haven or something lol
47
#47
6 Frags +
rowpiecesand there isn't any way that i can pay for myself on ESEA due to my father believing that i'm stupid for trying to play this game still.

My parents still don't know anything about the fact that I play this game, they just hear that I "skype called with friends" from behind the closed door to my room frequently. I think part of the reason I started taking this game seriously was because it was one of very few things I could do when I lived at home without them having any idea about it.

Also, prepaid visa gift cards are a lifesaver for your situation.

[quote=rowpieces]and there isn't any way that i can pay for myself on ESEA due to my father believing that i'm stupid for trying to play this game still.[/quote]

My parents still don't know anything about the fact that I play this game, they just hear that I "skype called with friends" from behind the closed door to my room frequently. I think part of the reason I started taking this game seriously was because it was one of very few things I could do when I lived at home without them having any idea about it.

Also, prepaid visa gift cards are a lifesaver for your situation.
48
#48
-12 Frags +

anime PogChamp

furries DansGame

mlp (puke)

anime PogChamp

furries DansGame

mlp (puke)
49
#49
50 Frags +

I feel like very soon I am going to be very alone in the world. My only family growing up was my mom, my dog and grandparents, who I lived with. My grandparents are in their high 80's/early 90's and not going to live much longer, my mom is 62 when I am 22, and my dog passed away a year and a half ago. When my grandparents go It'll just be me and my mom, and when she goes it'll just be me left, it's already really tough watching the people who were basically parents to me degrade and lose their mental faculties.

Appreciate your family and spend time with your family while you can, once they are gone you can't get them back.

I feel like very soon I am going to be very alone in the world. My only family growing up was my mom, my dog and grandparents, who I lived with. My grandparents are in their high 80's/early 90's and not going to live much longer, my mom is 62 when I am 22, and my dog passed away a year and a half ago. When my grandparents go It'll just be me and my mom, and when she goes it'll just be me left, it's already really tough watching the people who were basically parents to me degrade and lose their mental faculties.

Appreciate your family and spend time with your family while you can, once they are gone you can't get them back.
50
#50
52 Frags +

im fat

im fat
51
#51
6 Frags +
crystalsi feel like a loner despite having many friends (both being internet ones and irl ones) i just dislike hanging out with a group of friends due to my introversion

Hey man, "you time" is a sweet release from everything else no matter how often it is. Maybe it's my selection of friends that I've chosen since moving here nearly a decade ago or maybe growing up just made me tired, but I used to be friends with a ton of neighborhood people and always wanted to get out and skate, walk around the city or maybe just chill and master FFT with my best friend. I never wanted to be alone either way.

I moved here during summer break before my sophomore year and got quickly acquainted and the like. My time here in school was great. Once I graduated, the pack went different ways and I ended up making friends with dudes from my neighborhood again. Their lifestyles were completely different (drugs, pills, alcohol) but we related and clashed enough in other areas to become chill. We hung out a lot and still do from time to time, but I quickly realized their lives are not lives I want for myself. While we're still great friends and while they've matured, during that time I realized that I just love alone time. I don't dislike hanging out with them; it's quite enjoyable usually.

But despite all of that, especially through rough patches in our friendships, I've learned that having me time is amazing. One of those friends is way too out of town for anything to happen considering my work schedule and his. Another is busy working and fathering his two young ones. The last moved to Illinois to live with his gf. So yeah, I'm alone and it shows sometimes, but my work schedule blurs that just enough. Even still, it feels nice. I enjoy being around others, but being alone is nice. Don't let it get to you too much.

I've gone off on quite a tangent here, but I feel like I needed to finally. I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time.

[quote=crystals]i feel like a loner despite having many friends (both being internet ones and irl ones) i just dislike hanging out with a group of friends due to my introversion[/quote]

Hey man, "you time" is a sweet release from everything else no matter how often it is. Maybe it's my selection of friends that I've chosen since moving here nearly a decade ago or maybe growing up just made me tired, but I used to be friends with a ton of neighborhood people and always wanted to get out and skate, walk around the city or maybe just chill and master FFT with my best friend. I never wanted to be alone either way.

I moved here during summer break before my sophomore year and got quickly acquainted and the like. My time here in school was great. Once I graduated, the pack went different ways and I ended up making friends with dudes from my neighborhood again. Their lifestyles were completely different (drugs, pills, alcohol) but we related and clashed enough in other areas to become chill. We hung out a lot and still do from time to time, but I quickly realized their lives are not lives I want for myself. While we're still great friends and while they've matured, during that time I realized that I just love alone time. I don't dislike hanging out with them; it's quite enjoyable usually.

But despite all of that, especially through rough patches in our friendships, I've learned that having me time is amazing. One of those friends is way too out of town for anything to happen considering my work schedule and his. Another is busy working and fathering his two young ones. The last moved to Illinois to live with his gf. So yeah, I'm alone and it shows sometimes, but my work schedule blurs that just enough. Even still, it feels nice. I enjoy being around others, but being alone is nice. Don't let it get to you too much.

I've gone off on quite a tangent here, but I feel like I needed to finally. I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time.
52
#52
1 Frags +

despite spending a lot of time in comp tf2, i hate competitive environments. wish i would've poured all that time into more of a relaxed hobby.

despite spending a lot of time in comp tf2, i hate competitive environments. wish i would've poured all that time into more of a relaxed hobby.
53
#53
10 Frags +

i get depressed everytime i get called shit at videogames and also i take a lot of meds to the point where i dont know if its me or the meds doin things and it fucksin sucks idck dude im a fucking loser i havent done anything with my shit life for 3 years and ive dropped out of college and i havent been able to keep doin shitty courses cus i jsut dont have the will power to do shit and its come 2 the point where i just feel like im a fuckin burden to my family and i wish i wa sjus tfucking dead dude i hate myself not even as an epic haha anime hate myslef XCD joke im a fucking disappointment its pathetic im not good at anything

i get depressed everytime i get called shit at videogames and also i take a lot of meds to the point where i dont know if its me or the meds doin things and it fucksin sucks idck dude im a fucking loser i havent done anything with my shit life for 3 years and ive dropped out of college and i havent been able to keep doin shitty courses cus i jsut dont have the will power to do shit and its come 2 the point where i just feel like im a fuckin burden to my family and i wish i wa sjus tfucking dead dude i hate myself not even as an epic haha anime hate myslef XCD joke im a fucking disappointment its pathetic im not good at anything
54
#54
4 Frags +

Being away at college really pushed me away from my irl friends as I had no form of transportation to go to them and my school is an hour+ away. I also picked up my competitive video game hobby at school and now it's what I spend most of my time doing. I can't even remember what I would do every day after work last summer before I got into playing video games for multiple hours a day. This summer I've hardly spent any time with my friends at all

Also Attention Deficit Disorder fucking sucks and is even worse when you pair it with anxiety

Being away at college really pushed me away from my irl friends as I had no form of transportation to go to them and my school is an hour+ away. I also picked up my competitive video game hobby at school and now it's what I spend most of my time doing. I can't even remember what I would do every day after work last summer before I got into playing video games for multiple hours a day. This summer I've hardly spent any time with my friends at all

Also Attention Deficit Disorder fucking sucks and is even worse when you pair it with anxiety
55
#55
2 Frags +

I'm always really depressed and have no self esteem. Sometimes think about hurting/killing myself. I'm way too big of a pussy to actually do it though so I guess I have that going for me. Also I'm going to be 23 tomorrow and haven't accomplished anything with my life other than working shitty full time night jobs I hated because I'm always depressed and didn't put in enough effort at school to go to a decent college.

I'm always really depressed and have no self esteem. Sometimes think about hurting/killing myself. I'm way too big of a pussy to actually do it though so I guess I have that going for me. Also I'm going to be 23 tomorrow and haven't accomplished anything with my life other than working shitty full time night jobs I hated because I'm always depressed and didn't put in enough effort at school to go to a decent college.
56
#56
10 Frags +

Some people here really need counceling jheez

Some people here really need counceling jheez
57
#57
20 Frags +

true
true

true
true
58
#58
25 Frags +

ur one of them lee

ur one of them lee
59
#59
22 Frags +

true
true

true
true
60
#60
34 Frags +

.

.
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