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Emotional Experiences
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121
#121
-15 Frags +

I think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.

I think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.
122
#122
5 Frags +
NoophI read all these serious posts about how their loved ones die and they're depressed, and I feel really bad considering nothing really bad has happened to me. I'm a big shitlord in real life, and it makes me wish my fortune went to someone else that deserved it instead of me.
[quote=Nooph]I read all these serious posts about how their loved ones die and they're depressed, and I feel really bad considering nothing really bad has happened to me. I'm a big shitlord in real life, and it makes me wish my fortune went to someone else that deserved it instead of me.[/quote]
123
#123
9 Frags +

When i was in 6th grade I went with my mom and my sisters to go see my aunt and uncle in Colorado during spring break. At the end of the trip right before we were supposed to go back home my mom got sick. She was throwing up everywhere and her body would shake. When my dad asked what was going on I just told him that she was really sick. Something in his voice made him seem like he didn't believe me.

A couple days later I looked behind the bed and there are bottles upon bottles of booze. Thats when I learned that my mom was a binge drinker. My dad kept asking me what the fuck was going on with my mom and I kept lying to him because I knew that he would get really really mad if he found out what was really going on. Trying to hide my mom's secret from my sisters was even harder. Looking back now I should have just told my dad what was really going on. Anyway, I was stuck in that hotel room for 2 weeks with my mom who has drunk for basically a week and a half straight. I also missed a week of school. The only good thing that happened was I managed to farm a whole set of elite armor in guild wars.

My dad eventually figured out what was going on and got us all home. On the way home from the airport my dad told me all about my mom's history with alcohol and how half of the time that she was sick she was really just to hungover or drunk to drive us to school. I guess she was really good at hiding it from us.

------------------
Other things that give me sad feels.

-I'm going to my fourth high school when school starts. I know high school is a very small part of my life but I wish I could have spent at least most of it at one school. I just wish my life was a bit more normal in that regard.

-When i was little I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I also went to school 30 minutes away and most of the kids' parents weren't very willing to drive all the way out ot my house. I had very few friends until I moved away so I spent a lot of time alone as a child. People always tell me I'm really weird and awkward and I can't help but feel that if I had more social interaction as a kid I would be a little less weird and awkward.

-Watched this girl who I was very far into the friendzone (this word makes me think of guys in fedoras but I don't know any other way to put it) with make out with my best friend, who she had just met that day. It was just me her and him in the house so it was pretty hard to stomach. I went outside and wrote a fucking retarded facebook message to her about how its 2hard2b her friend anymore blahblahblah. We then stopped talking to each other for a year. We have recently made up but I don't think she really wants to be my friend anymore :/ that was the first time I ever lost a friend. Most of the girls I have liked have ended up hooking up or going out with my friends. I have jealousy problems.

When i was in 6th grade I went with my mom and my sisters to go see my aunt and uncle in Colorado during spring break. At the end of the trip right before we were supposed to go back home my mom got sick. She was throwing up everywhere and her body would shake. When my dad asked what was going on I just told him that she was really sick. Something in his voice made him seem like he didn't believe me.

A couple days later I looked behind the bed and there are bottles upon bottles of booze. Thats when I learned that my mom was a binge drinker. My dad kept asking me what the fuck was going on with my mom and I kept lying to him because I knew that he would get really really mad if he found out what was really going on. Trying to hide my mom's secret from my sisters was even harder. Looking back now I should have just told my dad what was really going on. Anyway, I was stuck in that hotel room for 2 weeks with my mom who has drunk for basically a week and a half straight. I also missed a week of school. The only good thing that happened was I managed to farm a whole set of elite armor in guild wars.

My dad eventually figured out what was going on and got us all home. On the way home from the airport my dad told me all about my mom's history with alcohol and how half of the time that she was sick she was really just to hungover or drunk to drive us to school. I guess she was really good at hiding it from us.

------------------
Other things that give me sad feels.

-I'm going to my fourth high school when school starts. I know high school is a very small part of my life but I wish I could have spent at least most of it at one school. I just wish my life was a bit more normal in that regard.

-When i was little I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I also went to school 30 minutes away and most of the kids' parents weren't very willing to drive all the way out ot my house. I had very few friends until I moved away so I spent a lot of time alone as a child. People always tell me I'm really weird and awkward and I can't help but feel that if I had more social interaction as a kid I would be a little less weird and awkward.

-Watched this girl who I was very far into the friendzone (this word makes me think of guys in fedoras but I don't know any other way to put it) with make out with my best friend, who she had just met that day. It was just me her and him in the house so it was pretty hard to stomach. I went outside and wrote a fucking retarded facebook message to her about how its 2hard2b her friend anymore blahblahblah. We then stopped talking to each other for a year. We have recently made up but I don't think she really wants to be my friend anymore :/ that was the first time I ever lost a friend. Most of the girls I have liked have ended up hooking up or going out with my friends. I have jealousy problems.
124
#124
2 Frags +

Doggie if she's going to make out with your friend in front of you then you need to acquire some street knowledge.

We don't love them hoes.

Also consider this a promise, if you ever come to chicago I will personally smoke weed with you.

apparently you'll be here tomorrow, hope you're ready for some og kush

Doggie if she's going to make out with your friend in front of you then you need to acquire some street knowledge.

We don't love them hoes.

Also consider this a promise, if you ever come to chicago I will personally smoke weed with you.

apparently you'll be here tomorrow, hope you're ready for some og kush
125
#125
13 Frags +

my dad is a diabetic, and sometimes he has sugar lows. one night i found him on the kitchen floor shaking uncontrollably with his eyes wide open staring up at me in a pool of sweat. my mom was on the phone with the paramedics, crying and asking where they were, telling them to hurry. i couldn't do anything, and i just watched until my mom told me to go back to my room. it was weird to see someone you talk to everyday almost lose their life, and be completely helpless. when the paramedics came and gave him some kind of sugar shot thing he got up and laughed. we went paint balling the next day.

my dad is a diabetic, and sometimes he has sugar lows. one night i found him on the kitchen floor shaking uncontrollably with his eyes wide open staring up at me in a pool of sweat. my mom was on the phone with the paramedics, crying and asking where they were, telling them to hurry. i couldn't do anything, and i just watched until my mom told me to go back to my room. it was weird to see someone you talk to everyday almost lose their life, and be completely helpless. when the paramedics came and gave him some kind of sugar shot thing he got up and laughed. we went paint balling the next day.
126
#126
5 Frags +

Long story short, got hospitalized for bowel disease a few years ago. In the hospital there wasn't enough space in the hospital building itself, so I was in the hallway for three days.

An elderly lady died in the stretcher beside me one night, begging the nurses for water the entire time. Doctor told her daughter as gently as he could that any fluids he gave to her mother would prolong her suffering. The look on her daughter's face was beyond words.

I figure that when I die and I meet the all-powerful guy who runs this bloody joke of a show, I'm going to have a real good question for him to answer.

Long story short, got hospitalized for bowel disease a few years ago. In the hospital there wasn't enough space in the hospital building itself, so I was in the hallway for three days.

An elderly lady died in the stretcher beside me one night, begging the nurses for water the entire time. Doctor told her daughter as gently as he could that any fluids he gave to her mother would prolong her suffering. The look on her daughter's face was beyond words.

I figure that when I die and I meet the all-powerful guy who runs this bloody joke of a show, I'm going to have a real good question for him to answer.
127
#127
eXtelevision
0 Frags +

Having a 2nd more serious intervention with my cousin. He was like a 3rd brother to me. Sober now thankfully. Though our relationship hasn't really been fully repaired it was a really intense emotional moment and I'm glad he came through on the other side.

Be careful w/ booze y'all.

Having a 2nd more serious intervention with my cousin. He was like a 3rd brother to me. Sober now thankfully. Though our relationship hasn't really been fully repaired it was a really intense emotional moment and I'm glad he came through on the other side.

Be careful w/ booze y'all.
128
#128
17 Frags +

Sorry if I am necroing this thread, but I doubt anyone wants to see a new thread pop up on this topic, and sharing my experiences in this thread originally made me feel a whole lot better.

I was watching a TV show today and it has a part where they display a small family that loves each other, and it was so painful to me to see what I missed out on and wanted all my life, I began crying and had to stop watching it.

I was jogging a few days beforehand, pushing myself as hard as I could, when the exhaustion hit my throat, I realized the last time it felt like that, the last time I ran like that, my mom was tearing me down verbally. Pushing me to be "less fat lazy and disgusting" my legs gave out and I silenced my vocal chords, to prevent myself from crying out "mom why do you hate me" in a strong flashback as I choked back a few tears, picked myself up and kept running.

All the important lessons in life like self respect, respect of others, hard work, are taken much for granted when most people learn them from their parents.

How to be a social person that also cared for others was something I only learned from being beaten down and humiliated in many relationships with various people in life, I never had a good example from a father or loving mother. I'm nearly never at ease when I'm talking to someone, I grew up with conversations that would randomly turn into hell for no real reason, and avoided talking to people because I learned from my mother that anything, absolutely anything could become an instant berating belittling hell of being alone in this world where the things which guard and have power over you despise you because you are evil, mean cruel and selfish, because you are vile and disgusting and so selfish that noone likes you.

For a long time I had so much fear and loathing bottled up inside of me that I spent most of my energy keeping myself from lashing out at unrelated people and things, taking deep breaths and making up random things to talk about with a clear plan on exactly when and how I would leave the conversation.

My brothers idea of making me more responsible was to make it seem like everything was my fault, from moms boyfriends leaving because he said they thought I was really wierd to mom being the way she was because I was so stressful and stupid. Maybe that was just his mask for blaming me.

It created a dark world for me where 80% of my life so far has been spent being informed by the 2 people I spent every day with, my only family, that I was fat, lazy disgusting, selfish, hopelessly stupid, and the cause of everyones problems. I became the kid at school who was sullen, alone bitter and never spoke, and if he did was very very strange. This did not go over well with the other kids, but unlike most people who complain about their childhoods, school to me was a reprieve, glorious and beautiful. Noone went as far out of their way to come down on me as hard at school as they did at home, everyone loved the weekends, but I hated them I feared them, I could never stand to go home and face my family. Monday was my favorite day because that was the day I was free from her.

Most people say they have family issues, but they don't see how much love and support they and their families truly give each other because they are so so so used to having loving families.

This world is an extremely cold dark scary place where every step has to be won, and every bite fought for without people who really really are there for you.

I tried to end my life many many times during middle and high school but I never could because I knew that I only had to deal with them for a finite amount of years, and was mostly afraid that I would mess it up and wind up permanantly crippled, yet the thought of making them understand how much they hurt me was the thought that got me through each day. Thinking, while I was at school, home alone sitting in my room, or being berated by my mother, the thought that made me happiest was imagining them discovering me dead, imagining that they would finally understand how much they hurt me. Breaking them for the rest of their lives that they would never be the same.[/i]

That thought was the light that carried me through life.

When I became homeless when I was 18 or 19, or near homeless in an odd town in an odd room in an odd house I was renting and doing some chores to earn my stay in, I was broken down, crying at the difficulty of getting a first job with no experience, atrocious social skills that could barely finish a single conversation without someone thinking there was something odd about me, being creeped out. I had thought long and hard, I promised myself that if I died, that it would not be by my own design. That I would stay as strong as I could in life from there on and push myself constantly to make my life better each day. I ended up reaching my goal of moving so far away I couldn't be contacted or followed and started life anew and took care of myself, but financial restraints and medical issues caused me to fall back to the place I once left with such joy.

Sometimes I randomly have panic attacks and I don't know what its associated with or what it comes from. I try to investigate the memories, but honestly I've had so many bad experiences I can't pinpoint it. Maybe my brain is just used to the fear and darkness and the chemicals involved, I've read somewhere that the more you experience an emotion the easier it is for your brain to experience/recreate the emotion/chemicals again. I just have to try to power through it and go on with what I was doing, but it takes my breath everytime it happens and transports me into a world where everything seems like a dark swirl of emotion.

Sorry if I am necroing this thread, but I doubt anyone wants to see a new thread pop up on this topic, and sharing my experiences in this thread originally made me feel a whole lot better.



I was watching a TV show today and it has a part where they display a small family that loves each other, and it was so painful to me to see what I missed out on and wanted all my life, I began crying and had to stop watching it.

I was jogging a few days beforehand, pushing myself as hard as I could, when the exhaustion hit my throat, I realized the last time it felt like that, the last time I ran like that, my mom was tearing me down verbally. Pushing me to be "less fat lazy and disgusting" my legs gave out and I silenced my vocal chords, to prevent myself from crying out "mom why do you hate me" in a strong flashback as I choked back a few tears, picked myself up and kept running.

All the important lessons in life like self respect, respect of others, hard work, are taken much for granted when most people learn them from their parents.

How to be a social person that also cared for others was something I only learned from being beaten down and humiliated in many relationships with various people in life, I never had a good example from a father or loving mother. I'm nearly never at ease when I'm talking to someone, I grew up with conversations that would randomly turn into hell for no real reason, and avoided talking to people because I learned from my mother that anything, absolutely anything could become an instant berating belittling hell of being alone in this world where the things which guard and have power over you despise you because you are evil, mean cruel and selfish, because you are vile and disgusting and so selfish that noone likes you.

For a long time I had so much fear and loathing bottled up inside of me that I spent most of my energy keeping myself from lashing out at unrelated people and things, taking deep breaths and making up random things to talk about with a clear plan on exactly when and how I would leave the conversation.

My brothers idea of making me more responsible was to make it seem like everything was my fault, from moms boyfriends leaving because he said they thought I was really wierd to mom being the way she was because I was so stressful and stupid. Maybe that was just his mask for blaming me.

It created a dark world for me where 80% of my life so far has been spent being informed by the 2 people I spent every day with, my only family, that I was fat, lazy disgusting, selfish, hopelessly stupid, and the cause of everyones problems. I became the kid at school who was sullen, alone bitter and never spoke, and if he did was very very strange. This did not go over well with the other kids, but unlike most people who complain about their childhoods, school to me was a reprieve, glorious and beautiful. Noone went as far out of their way to come down on me as hard at school as they did at home, everyone loved the weekends, but I hated them I feared them, I could never stand to go home and face my family. Monday was my favorite day because that was the day I was free from her.

Most people say they have family issues, but they don't see how much love and support they and their families truly give each other because they are so so so used to having loving families.

This world is an extremely cold dark scary place where every step has to be won, and every bite fought for without people who really really are there for you.

I tried to end my life many many times during middle and high school but I never could because I knew that I only had to deal with them for a finite amount of years, and was mostly afraid that I would mess it up and wind up permanantly crippled, yet the thought of making them understand how much they hurt me was the thought that got me through each day. Thinking, while I was at school, home alone sitting in my room, or being berated by my mother, the thought that made me happiest was imagining them discovering me dead, imagining that they would [i]finally understand[/i] how much they hurt me. [b]Breaking them for the rest of their lives [i]that they would never be the same.[/b][/i]

[b]That thought was the light that carried me through life.[/b]

When I became homeless when I was 18 or 19, or near homeless in an odd town in an odd room in an odd house I was renting and doing some chores to earn my stay in, I was broken down, crying at the difficulty of getting a first job with no experience, atrocious social skills that could barely finish a single conversation without someone thinking there was something odd about me, being creeped out. I had thought long and hard, I promised myself that if I died, that it would not be by my own design. That I would stay as strong as I could in life from there on and push myself constantly to make my life better each day. I ended up reaching my goal of moving so far away I couldn't be contacted or followed and started life anew and took care of myself, but financial restraints and medical issues caused me to fall back to the place I once left with such joy.

Sometimes I randomly have panic attacks and I don't know what its associated with or what it comes from. I try to investigate the memories, but honestly I've had so many bad experiences I can't pinpoint it. Maybe my brain is just used to the fear and darkness and the chemicals involved, I've read somewhere that the more you experience an emotion the easier it is for your brain to experience/recreate the emotion/chemicals again. I just have to try to power through it and go on with what I was doing, but it takes my breath everytime it happens and transports me into a world where everything seems like a dark swirl of emotion.
129
#129
4 Frags +
ckapI'm in the hospital and the Doctors said that my CT scan said I didn't have a tumor, so that's fairly emotional.

but oh wait i was just diagnosed with Wegener's disease

fuck

[quote=ckap]I'm in the hospital and the Doctors said that my CT scan said I didn't have a tumor, so that's fairly emotional.[/quote]
but oh wait i was just diagnosed with Wegener's disease

fuck
130
#130
3 Frags +

One of my favorite professors was stabbed to death a month ago while trying to protect his girlfriend. Seeing his name in the paper at the time was depressing.

One of my favorite professors was stabbed to death a month ago while trying to protect his girlfriend. Seeing his name in the paper at the time was depressing.
131
#131
1 Frags +

reading this thread makes me feel like i know you all better now

reading this thread makes me feel like i know you all better now
132
#132
-11 Frags +
PYYYOURDad visited me in Ithaca during a College for High Schools student program. We drove to the Syracuse mall to go to the Apple store. While walking through the Mall we heard screams right across from us. My dad looked from a distance, and then he said, "do not even think of moving." I was scared. His tone was different. My dad ran across, bulldozed some people, and approached the scene. A foot locker worker had fallen while reaching for dem new Iverson's and fell on his head cracking it open. He suffered from epilepsy. With the mans skull partially exposed and blood gushing out, my father told everyone to calm down and step away. He held the skull intact and stopped the blood from leaving his head. At this point I was freaking the fuck out. Sad, happy, scared, all over the place. My dad held the mans head together for 15 minutes while paramedics got there. He wiped off his hands and walked away, onlookers just fucking astonished at this random dude who seemingly did the impossible. I am in absolute tears because I assume the guy died. Turns out my father had been through much much worse and holding a strangers skull together to prevent blood loss was easy for him.

Went back to the mall like a year later, and happen to ask about the worker. Turns out he went back to work 2 days after the incident. Gotta get paid.

is this the reason behind you deciding to main medic?

[quote=PYYYOUR]Dad visited me in Ithaca during a College for High Schools student program. We drove to the Syracuse mall to go to the Apple store. While walking through the Mall we heard screams right across from us. My dad looked from a distance, and then he said, "do not even think of moving." I was scared. His tone was different. My dad ran across, bulldozed some people, and approached the scene. A foot locker worker had fallen while reaching for dem new Iverson's and fell on his head cracking it open. He suffered from epilepsy. With the mans skull partially exposed and blood gushing out, my father told everyone to calm down and step away. He held the skull intact and stopped the blood from leaving his head. At this point I was freaking the fuck out. Sad, happy, scared, all over the place. My dad held the mans head together for 15 minutes while paramedics got there. He wiped off his hands and walked away, onlookers just fucking astonished at this random dude who seemingly did the impossible. I am in absolute tears because I assume the guy died. Turns out my father had been through much much worse and holding a strangers skull together to prevent blood loss was easy for him.

Went back to the mall like a year later, and happen to ask about the worker. Turns out he went back to work 2 days after the incident. Gotta get paid.[/quote]

is this the reason behind you deciding to main medic?
133
#133
-10 Frags +
GanonTheGreatestI think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.

watch clannad and have fun holding those tears back

[quote=GanonTheGreatest]I think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.[/quote]

watch clannad and have fun holding those tears back
134
#134
-5 Frags +
kirbyGanonTheGreatestI think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.
watch clannad and have fun holding those tears back

5cm/s pls

[quote=kirby][quote=GanonTheGreatest]I think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.[/quote]

watch clannad and have fun holding those tears back[/quote]
5cm/s pls
135
#135
cp_granary_pro
-3 Frags +

listening to any RiFF RAFF song. He's a lyrical genius.

listening to any RiFF RAFF song. He's a lyrical genius.
136
#136
-5 Frags +
ToonikirbyGanonTheGreatestI think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.
watch clannad and have fun holding those tears back
5cm/s pls

barely

[quote=Tooni][quote=kirby][quote=GanonTheGreatest]I think it is really sad but my most emotional experience so far in my life was watching the end of the elfen lied anime. I cried dude. I CRIED.[/quote]

watch clannad and have fun holding those tears back[/quote]
5cm/s pls[/quote]

barely
137
#137
8 Frags +

Didn't have a father whole life. I was just a normal kid, going to school and hanging out with my friends outside. Until around 16 years old when I started realizing how much I miss my father. My mother did tell me that he was close to me when I was around two months old, but I of course don't remember anything. Living without a father is definitely hard and I even get emotonial (that includes crying), especially when someone asks if you have a father or makes a joke about dad. I never really get to talk about things that I could only share to my father. I try to support my mother as much as I can, as I know it isn't easy for her either. She works in a library and the salary is basically non-existent. The government is trying to shut down that library, because there are too many libraries in our city, which is a bad sign. I don't even know what to expect after this year. The worst thing is that almost every single month, she ends up having literally zero cash in the bank account (and she only buys the very needed things... such as food, paying bills and health-insurance). However we live in grandfather's flat, so we aren't really starving or anything. It's just when I think about the future, what happens if the library gets closed... You may then ask, why don't you find a job? I tried to find a part-time job, but have had no luck. I am thinking of dropping school and trying to find a full-time job, to make sure we don't have to worry about anything.

That is what I have been going through the last few years.

Didn't have a father whole life. I was just a normal kid, going to school and hanging out with my friends outside. Until around 16 years old when I started realizing how much I miss my father. My mother did tell me that he was close to me when I was around two months old, but I of course don't remember anything. Living without a father is definitely hard and I even get emotonial (that includes crying), especially when someone asks if you have a father or makes a joke about dad. I never really get to talk about things that I could only share to my father. I try to support my mother as much as I can, as I know it isn't easy for her either. She works in a library and the salary is basically non-existent. The government is trying to shut down that library, because there are too many libraries in our city, which is a bad sign. I don't even know what to expect after this year. The worst thing is that almost every single month, she ends up having literally zero cash in the bank account (and she only buys the very needed things... such as food, paying bills and health-insurance). However we live in grandfather's flat, so we aren't really starving or anything. It's just when I think about the future, what happens if the library gets closed... You may then ask, why don't you find a job? I tried to find a part-time job, but have had no luck. I am thinking of dropping school and trying to find a full-time job, to make sure we don't have to worry about anything.

That is what I have been going through the last few years.
138
#138
5 Frags +
huhyDidn't have a father whole life. I was just a normal kid, going to school and hanging out with my friends outside. Until around 16 years old when I started realizing how much I miss my father. My mother did tell me that he was close to me when I was around two months old, but I of course don't remember anything. Living without a father is definitely hard and I even get emotional (that includes crying), especially when someone asks if you have a father or makes a joke about dad. I never really get to talk about things that I could only share to my father..

Its a lot harder than everyone thinks, I understand how it feels to not have a dad, I know its really difficult when everyone is telling you how much their dad means to them, how much their dad loves them, all the subtle things noone even thinks about that remind you of what you don't have. I hope you feel better about it.

[quote=huhy]Didn't have a father whole life. I was just a normal kid, going to school and hanging out with my friends outside. Until around 16 years old when I started realizing how much I miss my father. My mother did tell me that he was close to me when I was around two months old, but I of course don't remember anything. Living without a father is definitely hard and I even get emotional (that includes crying), especially when someone asks if you have a father or makes a joke about dad. I never really get to talk about things that I could only share to my father..[/quote]

Its a lot harder than everyone thinks, I understand how it feels to not have a dad, I know its really difficult when everyone is telling you how much their dad means to them, how much their dad loves them, all the subtle things noone even thinks about that remind you of what you don't have. I hope you feel better about it.
139
#139
1 Frags +

I guess the most emotional experience for me right now is the bizarre feeling of experiencing the world without depression for the first time in over 5 or 6 years. It's overwhelming at times, but a good change nonetheless. It's been weeks now, and I feel I have a full range of emotions now. I can experience sadness and grief far more profoundly now than ever before, but I can also feel joy. I like it, but I hate that I can't really give any advice as to how to overcome it. It just kind of happened.

I'm sorry it's juxtapositioned so shittily but I guess I kinda had to share.

I guess the most emotional experience for me right now is the bizarre feeling of experiencing the world without depression for the first time in over 5 or 6 years. It's overwhelming at times, but a good change nonetheless. It's been weeks now, and I feel I have a full range of emotions now. I can experience sadness and grief far more profoundly now than ever before, but I can also feel joy. I like it, but I hate that I can't really give any advice as to how to overcome it. It just kind of happened.


I'm sorry it's juxtapositioned so shittily but I guess I kinda had to share.
140
#140
-1 Frags +
huhyDidn't have a father whole life. I was just a normal kid, going to school and hanging out with my friends outside. Until around 16 years old when I started realizing how much I miss my father. My mother did tell me that he was close to me when I was around two months old, but I of course don't remember anything. Living without a father is definitely hard and I even get emotonial (that includes crying), especially when someone asks if you have a father or makes a joke about dad.

I've never met my father my entire ~22 years of living. He wasn't there for the birth, or for any of my life. According to my mom, the second he saw her pregnant, he got up and left and that was the last time she had seen him. That sounds pretty fucked up, right? Well, it is. The thing is that I never let it get to me emotionally. Sure, I've asked questions and found answers I didn't want to hear, but I've never once been sad about it. Yeah, only knowing one parent instead of both is sad within itself, but you know what I mean.

I just respect my mother that much more. She was my mother and my father. That is the hardest job in the world, in my opinion, and I love my mom so incredibly much for that (and because she's my mom haha).

Maybe it's because it takes a lot for me to get emotional, especially when it comes down to crying, but sometimes I question if that's the case. My grandfather died ~3 years ago. He has been the only blood related family member that I'm aware of to be as successful as he was (he was second in line for the top position for a company that made garages for places like casinos and such). He was my inspiration and my idol, albeit still doing a lot worse than I wanted to in school. I've only ever physically met him a handful of times, but he was honestly one of the best and most caring people I have ever met. It took me a few months for it to get to me, but it got to me pretty hard when it did. I wasn't bottling anything up, I just thought about it deeply and then it happened.

So while I think that it might take a whole lot to get me wishing things were different, there are instances that contradict that.

Sorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.

[quote=huhy]Didn't have a father whole life. I was just a normal kid, going to school and hanging out with my friends outside. Until around 16 years old when I started realizing how much I miss my father. My mother did tell me that he was close to me when I was around two months old, but I of course don't remember anything. Living without a father is definitely hard and I even get emotonial (that includes crying), especially when someone asks if you have a father or makes a joke about dad.[/quote]

I've never met my father my entire ~22 years of living. He wasn't there for the birth, or for any of my life. According to my mom, the second he saw her pregnant, he got up and left and that was the last time she had seen him. That sounds pretty fucked up, right? Well, it is. The thing is that I never let it get to me emotionally. Sure, I've asked questions and found answers I didn't want to hear, but I've never once been sad about it. Yeah, only knowing one parent instead of both is sad within itself, but you know what I mean.

I just respect my mother [b]that[/b] much more. She was my mother and my father. That is the hardest job in the world, in my opinion, and I love my mom so incredibly much for that (and because she's my mom haha).

Maybe it's because it takes a lot for me to get emotional, especially when it comes down to crying, but sometimes I question if that's the case. My grandfather died ~3 years ago. He has been the only blood related family member that I'm aware of to be as successful as he was (he was second in line for the top position for a company that made garages for places like casinos and such). He was my inspiration and my idol, albeit still doing a lot worse than I wanted to in school. I've only ever physically met him a handful of times, but he was honestly one of the best and most caring people I have ever met. It took me a few months for it to get to me, but it got to me pretty hard when it did. I wasn't bottling anything up, I just thought about it deeply and then it happened.

So while I think that it might take a whole lot to get me wishing things were different, there are instances that contradict that.

Sorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.
141
#141
-1 Frags +

When my grandfather died and i realized i didn't knew anything about him. He never told about his life and i never asked.

When my grandfather died and i realized i didn't knew anything about him. He never told about his life and i never asked.
142
#142
2 Frags +

.

.
143
#143
3 Frags +
kirbySorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.

Sorry for not mentioning it, but my father died from a cancer.

[quote=kirby]
Sorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.[/quote]

Sorry for not mentioning it, but my father died from a cancer.
144
#144
7 Frags +
huhykirbySorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.
Sorry for not mentioning it, but my father died from a cancer.

Holy fuck, man. I actually could not feel worse right now, I am honestly sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed your case was similar to mine. Again, I apologize.

[quote=huhy][quote=kirby]
Sorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.[/quote]

Sorry for not mentioning it, but my father died from a cancer.[/quote]

Holy fuck, man. I actually could not feel worse right now, I am honestly sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed your case was similar to mine. Again, I apologize.
145
#145
2 Frags +
kirbyhuhykirbySorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.
Sorry for not mentioning it, but my father died from a cancer.

Holy fuck, man. I actually could not feel worse right now, I am honestly sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed your case was similar to mine. Again, I apologize.

All good :) My bad for not making it clear in my post.

[quote=kirby][quote=huhy][quote=kirby]
Sorry for rambling on. My point for this was to tell you that while it's okay to be sad/depressed and cry over not knowing your father, that it doesn't need to be that way. Take that emotion, flip it around and turn it into loving your mother that much more. Don't let your father neglecting you by not being in your life make you sad man. He doesn't deserve your tears.[/quote]

Sorry for not mentioning it, but my father died from a cancer.[/quote]

Holy fuck, man. I actually could not feel worse right now, I am honestly sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed your case was similar to mine. Again, I apologize.[/quote]
All good :) My bad for not making it clear in my post.
146
#146
RGB LAN
0 Frags +

I met someone through a friend who was pretty chill. I knew him for about four or five years, something like that. I didn't see him often or talk to him much outside of social gatherings, but he was still a really cool guy that I could relate to.

He hung himself. Everyone was devastated, but it didn't hit me nearly as hard at first because I wasn't close friends with him compared to everyone else. Still, it sucked. Well, the viewing came, and I was absolutely a disaster. I was torn to pieces by losing someone I wasn't that close with. In fact, he is pretty much the only person I've known that passed away that had some sort of friendship with me.

I met someone through a friend who was pretty chill. I knew him for about four or five years, something like that. I didn't see him often or talk to him much outside of social gatherings, but he was still a really cool guy that I could relate to.

He hung himself. Everyone was devastated, but it didn't hit me nearly as hard at first because I wasn't close friends with him compared to everyone else. Still, it sucked. Well, the viewing came, and I was absolutely a disaster. I was torn to pieces by losing someone I wasn't that close with. In fact, he is pretty much the only person I've known that passed away that had some sort of friendship with me.
147
#147
-1 Frags +

brokenhearted

brokenhearted
148
#148
-2 Frags +

Last episode of home movies when brendon drops his camera out of the car window ;_;

Last episode of home movies when brendon drops his camera out of the car window ;_;
149
#149
4 Frags +

It's not a recent emotional experience per se, but over the past 2 years or so I've noticed this phenomenon where people around me that I consider(ed) my good friends have seemingly abandoned contact with me for no apparent reason.

I used to be best friends with this chick from texas that I met through high school debate. We were the definition of partners in crime; whenever we met at tournaments we would go off and explore the surrounding town way into the night, and we talked philosophy and politics all the time over aim. We kept in touch for the first couple years of college, but then she just stopped responding to facebook messages, calls, texts; any attempt made to contact her was met with silence and being functionally ignored. Eventually I just stopped bothering. Finally, last christmas, I sent her a text for the first time in about 2 years, wishing her a merry christmas, and got the following in response: "daww, merry christmas frey." I was so happy I cried. I thought that finally, after so long, whatever was preventing her from talking to me was no long er an issue. So I responded and said something like "it's been too long kiddo; we should catch up one of these days!" No response from her since then. I realized after a week that nothing had changed and she was just throwing me a bone with no intentions of actually being friends with me again.

That was one of the most soul-crushing moments of my entire life. Not knowing why someone stopped talking to you and having no way to find out why you're being ignored because they won't talk to you is easily top 3 worst feelings in the entire spectrum of human emotions. And then getting a tiny sliver of hope only to be disappointed once more.

Not all of the experiences I've had with slowly losing a friend have been as painful as this, but I can't help feeling like I'm losing pieces of myself as they fade away, and I watch powerlessly. Even my best childhood friend who lives a couple towns over doesn't seem to ever have any time or any desire to hang out. I can't even remember the last time where they were the ones suggesting we out; it's always been me trying to find ways to spend time

I just don't know what to do. I don't think I've done anything to drive them away, and I can't pick up on any clues as to why this is happening.

All I want is to not be left in the dark.

It's not a recent emotional experience per se, but over the past 2 years or so I've noticed this phenomenon where people around me that I consider(ed) my good friends have seemingly abandoned contact with me for no apparent reason.

I used to be best friends with this chick from texas that I met through high school debate. We were the definition of partners in crime; whenever we met at tournaments we would go off and explore the surrounding town way into the night, and we talked philosophy and politics all the time over aim. We kept in touch for the first couple years of college, but then she just stopped responding to facebook messages, calls, texts; any attempt made to contact her was met with silence and being functionally ignored. Eventually I just stopped bothering. Finally, last christmas, I sent her a text for the first time in about 2 years, wishing her a merry christmas, and got the following in response: "daww, merry christmas frey." I was so happy I cried. I thought that finally, after so long, whatever was preventing her from talking to me was no long er an issue. So I responded and said something like "it's been too long kiddo; we should catch up one of these days!" No response from her since then. I realized after a week that nothing had changed and she was just throwing me a bone with no intentions of actually being friends with me again.

That was one of the most soul-crushing moments of my entire life. Not knowing why someone stopped talking to you and having no way to find out why you're being ignored because they won't talk to you is easily top 3 worst feelings in the entire spectrum of human emotions. And then getting a tiny sliver of hope only to be disappointed once more.

Not all of the experiences I've had with slowly losing a friend have been as painful as this, but I can't help feeling like I'm losing pieces of myself as they fade away, and I watch powerlessly. Even my best childhood friend who lives a couple towns over doesn't seem to ever have any time or any desire to hang out. I can't even remember the last time where they were the ones suggesting we out; it's always been me trying to find ways to spend time

I just don't know what to do. I don't think I've done anything to drive them away, and I can't pick up on any clues as to why this is happening.

All I want is to not be left in the dark.
150
#150
4 Frags +

Not really an experience because I've never interacted with him, but recently my dad's brother died. My dad was sad for an entire week or so before finally realizing that nothing would change with him being in sorrow. Although deaths happen all the time, the thing that got me sad was that my dad's brother has been alone his whole life. He lost his wife to someone else, had no kids, and was in poverty. It's pretty weird but just listening to that got me really sad since we(my family) haven't actually seen him nor even bothered to talk to him until a couple days before he passed away from cancer.

And to this day, I still feel really bad that I haven't even spoken to him even though I knew of his existence.

Not really an experience because I've never interacted with him, but recently my dad's brother died. My dad was sad for an entire week or so before finally realizing that nothing would change with him being in sorrow. Although deaths happen all the time, the thing that got me sad was that my dad's brother has been alone his whole life. He lost his wife to someone else, had no kids, and was in poverty. It's pretty weird but just listening to that got me really sad since we(my family) haven't actually seen him nor even bothered to talk to him until a couple days before he passed away from cancer.

And to this day, I still feel really bad that I haven't even spoken to him even though I knew of his existence.
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