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tftv safe space (no harassment plz)
posted in Off Topic
271
#271
-1 Frags +

@ memory
you should not try to justify abuse. family is not supposed to hurt. talk to somebody about it who is outside the situation, preferably a professional, and see what they have to say. i guarantee that what you are going through is not unique to you alone. there are many people your age that have very similar circumstances and go through the same thoughts, trying to provide themselves with answers and explanations. the truth is your version of the truth is going to come out warped no matter how much time you spend working it out. even if you think its the best explanation, its still going to be somewhat tainted because you are coming from a very negative environment. im not saying this to discourage you, im trying to do the opposite. i strongly advise seeking real help irl in relation to your family/abuse issues, you will get much better results through therapy than anywhere else.

as for the being introverted/apathetic part, that is not such a bad thing. i feel like many of the people here fall into that category, and i attribute it to the internet desensitizing us and making us forget how important socialization is. even then, being introverted is not innately bad. you just have to recognize your introverted traits and understand how to use them as a benefit in your life. many introverts go on to be great thinkers, artists, and innovators. dont beat yourself up over your qualities, especially ones you cannot control.

@ memory
you should not try to justify abuse. family is not supposed to hurt. talk to somebody about it who is outside the situation, preferably a professional, and see what they have to say. i guarantee that what you are going through is not unique to you alone. there are many people your age that have very similar circumstances and go through the same thoughts, trying to provide themselves with answers and explanations. the truth is your version of the truth is going to come out warped no matter how much time you spend working it out. even if you think its the best explanation, its still going to be somewhat tainted because you are coming from a very negative environment. im not saying this to discourage you, im trying to do the opposite. i strongly advise seeking real help irl in relation to your family/abuse issues, you will get much better results through therapy than anywhere else.

as for the being introverted/apathetic part, that is not such a bad thing. i feel like many of the people here fall into that category, and i attribute it to the internet desensitizing us and making us forget how important socialization is. even then, being introverted is not innately bad. you just have to recognize your introverted traits and understand how to use them as a benefit in your life. many introverts go on to be great thinkers, artists, and innovators. dont beat yourself up over your qualities, especially ones you cannot control.
272
#272
4 Frags +

hey, sorry for posting another.

It's gotten worse. My mom had cut all trust she had on me and now just accepting me as in a "mother-son" relationship. No care, no love whatsoever. Help. Me.

hey, sorry for posting another.

It's gotten worse. My mom had cut all trust she had on me and now just accepting me as in a "mother-son" relationship. No care, no love whatsoever. Help. Me.
273
#273
0 Frags +
memoryhey, sorry for posting another.

It's gotten worse. My mom had cut all trust she had on me and now just accepting me as in a "mother-son" relationship. No care, no love whatsoever. Help. Me.

Most of the times, parents distant themselves from their children to see whether their kids will realize what they have done wrong and come apologize. You need to see whether what you have done is really worth apologizing for as well as whether your relationship with your parents means more to you or being right/wrong. I'd recommend apologizing but at the same time being open about your feelings and discuss how to bring a positive change between your relationship with them. Goodluck :)

[quote=memory]hey, sorry for posting another.

It's gotten worse. My mom had cut all trust she had on me and now just accepting me as in a "mother-son" relationship. No care, no love whatsoever. Help. Me.[/quote]
Most of the times, parents distant themselves from their children to see whether their kids will realize what they have done wrong and come apologize. You need to see whether what you have done is really worth apologizing for as well as whether your relationship with your parents means more to you or being right/wrong. I'd recommend apologizing but at the same time being open about your feelings and discuss how to bring a positive change between your relationship with them. Goodluck :)
274
#274
1 Frags +
memoryHelp. Me.

going to come off as hard but maybe you are meant to take on life independently for now. im not saying your mother will never come back into your life, but it sounds like you might be at that stage where you are the baby bird being pushed out of the nest. maybe youve got to go and face life on your own, as best you can. it sounds shitty and its going to suck but whenever i think of myself in this same situation (because im pretty much there) i think of my dad who was pretty much living on his own when he was around age 15-16. both his parents died while he was young and he had to lie about his age to get work/a house. but he did it, because he had no other choice, and he turned out pretty well for what i know of him. just dont get caught up in any drugs or alcohol, it will ruin you.

[quote=memory]Help. Me.[/quote]
going to come off as hard but maybe you are meant to take on life independently for now. im not saying your mother will never come back into your life, but it sounds like you might be at that stage where you are the baby bird being pushed out of the nest. maybe youve got to go and face life on your own, as best you can. it sounds shitty and its going to suck but whenever i think of myself in this same situation (because im pretty much there) i think of my dad who was pretty much living on his own when he was around age 15-16. both his parents died while he was young and he had to lie about his age to get work/a house. but he did it, because he had no other choice, and he turned out pretty well for what i know of him. just dont get caught up in any drugs or alcohol, it will ruin you.
275
#275
7 Frags +

I wish I didn't have this panic disorder.
I wish I didn't have social anxiety.

I've skipped out on so many things because of this shit.
I can barely go outside anymore.
I just wish I could be okay.

I wish I didn't have this panic disorder.
I wish I didn't have social anxiety.

I've skipped out on so many things because of this shit.
I can barely go outside anymore.
I just wish I could be okay.
276
#276
0 Frags +

zz

zz
277
#277
8 Frags +

i wish i wasn't such an awful person most of the time

i either joke around too much and push people away because they're annoyed, or i'm too cold and angry towards people that could probably be genuinely good friends and make them not want to interact with me ever by blowing up a small issue into a huge situation by making myself look like a giant ass

i really don't want to want to be disliked, i'd like to be a friend or acquaintance with the majority of the community and enjoy interacting with people on here, but i've put myself in this social bunker where i don't really like to let people in unless i know that they'll be an actual friend, and not someone who will just trash me behind my back, which i've had happen to me too often for me to let my guard down, to the point where i really don't want to try meeting new people in this community anymore

because of this, i just push way too many people away than i let in, and it's miserable at times

also, fuck ocd, i've tried everything in the book to help ease it's effects aside from heavy medication, but i always fall back to my old self

some days it's ok and i get through the day perfectly fine, but there's some nights where i literally have to spend an hour and a half just straightening the positions of my mousepad, keyboard, and the angle of my monitor or i can't concentrate at all

if anyone else here lives with ocd, no matter how debilitating, tips and help managing it would be greatly appreciated, i really do hope i can beat it one day

i wish i wasn't such an awful person most of the time

i either joke around too much and push people away because they're annoyed, or i'm too cold and angry towards people that could probably be genuinely good friends and make them not want to interact with me ever by blowing up a small issue into a huge situation by making myself look like a giant ass

i really don't want to want to be disliked, i'd like to be a friend or acquaintance with the majority of the community and enjoy interacting with people on here, but i've put myself in this social bunker where i don't really like to let people in unless i know that they'll be an actual friend, and not someone who will just trash me behind my back, which i've had happen to me too often for me to let my guard down, to the point where i really don't want to try meeting new people in this community anymore

because of this, i just push way too many people away than i let in, and it's miserable at times

also, fuck ocd, i've tried everything in the book to help ease it's effects aside from heavy medication, but i always fall back to my old self

some days it's ok and i get through the day perfectly fine, but there's some nights where i literally have to spend an hour and a half just straightening the positions of my mousepad, keyboard, and the angle of my monitor or i can't concentrate at all

if anyone else here lives with ocd, no matter how debilitating, tips and help managing it would be greatly appreciated, i really do hope i can beat it one day
278
#278
1 Frags +
dashnerI want to be normal again.

experimenting with drugs and alcohol is a normal part of life, especially beginning in teen years. ive done drugs/drank on and off, despite knowing that almost every single person in my family has addiction problems and that it puts me at a huge risk. i am sober now, but very recently i was still struggling with alcohol and marijuana, as well as occasional hard substance use. im not sure what to tell you to get you to quit drinking, other than if you really want to stop then you will find a way, and that i think if you are coming out and admitting to alcoholism then it is time to give it up. i just want you to know youre not alone in your struggle and that it does not make you not-normal. you are still a normal human being, you are facing something that cannot be understood by people who have not also had trouble with alcoholism or other addictions. if you want to talk further about it you can add me on steam or continue here, ill try my best.

[quote=dashner]I want to be normal again.[/quote]
experimenting with drugs and alcohol is a normal part of life, especially beginning in teen years. ive done drugs/drank on and off, despite knowing that almost every single person in my family has addiction problems and that it puts me at a huge risk. i am sober now, but very recently i was still struggling with alcohol and marijuana, as well as occasional hard substance use. im not sure what to tell you to get you to quit drinking, other than if you really want to stop then you will find a way, and that i think if you are coming out and admitting to alcoholism then it is time to give it up. i just want you to know youre not alone in your struggle and that it does not make you not-normal. you are still a normal human being, you are facing something that cannot be understood by people who have not also had trouble with alcoholism or other addictions. if you want to talk further about it you can add me on steam or continue here, ill try my best.
279
#279
refresh.tf
4 Frags +

> when u win a pug but you get so triggered by how ur team plays you wanna quit tf2

fuziontake pugs less seriously

problem solved

I thought this was a safe space

> when u win a pug but you get so triggered by how ur team plays you wanna quit tf2

[quote=fuzion]take pugs less seriously

problem solved[/quote]
I thought this was a safe space
280
#280
0 Frags +
Collaide> when u win a pug but you get so triggered by how ur team plays you wanna quit tf2

take pugs less seriously

problem solved

[quote=Collaide]> when u win a pug but you get so triggered by how ur team plays you wanna quit tf2[/quote]

take pugs less seriously

problem solved
281
#281
12 Frags +

6 month old since last post, but just want to get it off my chest. Just disappointed in myself with irl relationships and everyone posting on Facebook how fucking great their lives are. Even though I know it's the best representation of yourself or aspect of your life that your posting on Facebook, and the fact that I have become distrant with other people or I burned bridges in relationship. Always leaves me sad inside when you see a person that you had good relations with, but something happened that left everything sour. I also regret not speaking to my dad's grandma more and trying to talk to her more despite me not knowing much korean at that time, worried she might just die off real soon without me getting to know her. Edit: also I made a lot of fucking stupid mistakes as a first time leader, like being indifferent and sort of aggressive dummy to my team in the beginning of s24. And cutting our medic at the start, but had such huge roster issues after that and made me realize how nice it is to have a medic that was actually motivated to play tf2. And huge fucking arguments near the end of the season. But I learned and hopefully if I ever make a team in the future, I'll try to be honest as possible.

6 month old since last post, but just want to get it off my chest. Just disappointed in myself with irl relationships and everyone posting on Facebook how fucking great their lives are. Even though I know it's the best representation of yourself or aspect of your life that your posting on Facebook, and the fact that I have become distrant with other people or I burned bridges in relationship. Always leaves me sad inside when you see a person that you had good relations with, but something happened that left everything sour. I also regret not speaking to my dad's grandma more and trying to talk to her more despite me not knowing much korean at that time, worried she might just die off real soon without me getting to know her. Edit: also I made a lot of fucking stupid mistakes as a first time leader, like being indifferent and sort of aggressive dummy to my team in the beginning of s24. And cutting our medic at the start, but had such huge roster issues after that and made me realize how nice it is to have a medic that was actually motivated to play tf2. And huge fucking arguments near the end of the season. But I learned and hopefully if I ever make a team in the future, I'll try to be honest as possible.
282
#282
17 Frags +

i upvote my own stuff because i'm insecure, but i post stuff anyway to pass the time.

i upvote my own stuff because i'm insecure, but i post stuff anyway to pass the time.
283
#283
1 Frags +

everything i do is predisposed to self-hate no matter what
i can't stand myself
i want to be a different person, not better or worse, but just someone else entirely
maybe i have a loose sense of self to constantly chase that fantasy

everything i do is predisposed to self-hate no matter what
i can't stand myself
i want to be a different person, not better or worse, but just someone else entirely
maybe i have a loose sense of self to constantly chase that fantasy
284
#284
13 Frags +

I have boner all the time

I have boner all the time
285
#285
15 Frags +

i've been playing tf2 for 6 years and i'm not good at it

i've been editing videos for 2 years and i'm not good at it

i've been in school for 12 years and i'm not good at it

i'm convinced my parents don't like spending time with me

i don't have very many friends

im not very well liked

my situation blows and its almost entirely my fault

i've been playing tf2 for 6 years and i'm not good at it

i've been editing videos for 2 years and i'm not good at it

i've been in school for 12 years and i'm not good at it

i'm convinced my parents don't like spending time with me

i don't have very many friends

im not very well liked

my situation blows and its almost entirely my fault
286
#286
9 Frags +

i get pissed when i read this thread because my life is fucking amazing and yet ive still never once had anyone close to a friend and thats the one thing everyone else has

i get pissed when i read this thread because my life is fucking amazing and yet ive still never once had anyone close to a friend and thats the one thing everyone else has
287
#287
6 Frags +

since i was a kid ive always wanted to become an animator and learn how to draw but i never learned to draw. even today i cant draw for shit and i doubt ill ever learn now

ive always wanted to get good at tf2 but never could get good at it because im bad at it. im just slowly losing interest in tf2 and games in general.

i dont enjoy my family because they got so burnt out by my two older sisters they stopped caring for me, turned into narcissists, and they dont enjoy me

i dont have any friends because im a terrible person who isnt funny or sociable

i shouldnt be upset, im in a good situation and yet i let all my dreams slip past me and ive spent the last 12 years doing nothing but dreaming about the future ill never get to experience because i never worked for it. i dont even know if ill be able to regain all of the years ive wasted doing nothing and i doubt i ever will

since i was a kid ive always wanted to become an animator and learn how to draw but i never learned to draw. even today i cant draw for shit and i doubt ill ever learn now

ive always wanted to get good at tf2 but never could get good at it because im bad at it. im just slowly losing interest in tf2 and games in general.

i dont enjoy my family because they got so burnt out by my two older sisters they stopped caring for me, turned into narcissists, and they dont enjoy me

i dont have any friends because im a terrible person who isnt funny or sociable

i shouldnt be upset, im in a good situation and yet i let all my dreams slip past me and ive spent the last 12 years doing nothing but dreaming about the future ill never get to experience because i never worked for it. i dont even know if ill be able to regain all of the years ive wasted doing nothing and i doubt i ever will
288
#288
-5 Frags +
pyxelizei've been playing tf2 for 6 years and i'm not good at it

Well how many of that time was spent on competitive? And when did you start tf2 competitively and ESEA for that matter. I wouldn't worry to much, like other people said. continuing to play with other people who are willing to improve and dedicate time together will get you good and give you game sense.

[quote=pyxelize]i've been playing tf2 for 6 years and i'm not good at it

[/quote]
Well how many of that time was spent on competitive? And when did you start tf2 competitively and ESEA for that matter. I wouldn't worry to much, like other people said. continuing to play with other people who are willing to improve and dedicate time together will get you good and give you game sense.
289
#289
2 Frags +

derealisation is fun

derealisation is fun
290
#290
-62 Frags +

If you are over the age of 18 and are legally an adult, and you NEED a safe space, your parents have coddled you too much and are failures. You don't need a safe space to live, you don't need a safe space to operate, people have ben surviving for thousands of years without a safe space.

If you are over the age of 18 and are legally an adult, and you NEED a safe space, your parents have coddled you too much and are failures. You don't need a safe space to live, you don't need a safe space to operate, people have ben surviving for thousands of years without a safe space.
291
#291
67 Frags +
MakyIf you are over the age of 18 and are legally an adult, and you NEED a safe space, your parents have coddled you too much and are failures. You don't need a safe space to live, you don't need a safe space to operate, people have ben surviving for thousands of years without a safe space.

http://i.imgur.com/A2T6ndK.jpg

[quote=Maky]If you are over the age of 18 and are legally an adult, and you NEED a safe space, your parents have coddled you too much and are failures. You don't need a safe space to live, you don't need a safe space to operate, people have ben surviving for thousands of years without a safe space.[/quote]

[img]http://i.imgur.com/A2T6ndK.jpg[/img]
292
#292
14 Frags +

i wish my friends liked me as much as i liked them.

i wish my friends liked me as much as i liked them.
293
#293
27 Frags +

-

-
294
#294
2 Frags +

I really should stop being a lazy cunt

I really should stop being a lazy cunt
295
#295
0 Frags +

My life hasn't been shitty but I don't know if it's been all that great.

I don't know if my views of the world are correct and I keep having to fight to keep my views heard and active.

I'm so tired of fighting.

I'm about to leave high school but I still feel like a child who has no control over their future.

I just want to not be depressed and destroyed and I want to be in control of my life.

My life hasn't been shitty but I don't know if it's been all that great.

I don't know if my views of the world are correct and I keep having to fight to keep my views heard and active.

I'm so tired of fighting.

I'm about to leave high school but I still feel like a child who has no control over their future.

I just want to not be depressed and destroyed and I want to be in control of my life.
296
#296
4 Frags +

I wish I did not have epilepsy, it actually gets my head to hurt like crazy sometimes and won't stop, thank God I don't suffer for major seizures.

I wish I did not have epilepsy, it actually gets my head to hurt like crazy sometimes and won't stop, thank God I don't suffer for major seizures.
297
#297
24 Frags +
MakyIf you are over the age of 18 and are legally an adult, and you NEED a safe space, your parents have coddled you too much and are failures. You don't need a safe space to live, you don't need a safe space to operate, people have been surviving for thousands of years without a safe space.

alright i regret apologizing to you s23, i think your kinda of a shit head now.

[quote=Maky]If you are over the age of 18 and are legally an adult, and you NEED a safe space, your parents have coddled you too much and are failures. You don't need a safe space to live, you don't need a safe space to operate, people have been surviving for thousands of years without a safe space.[/quote]
alright i regret apologizing to you s23, i think your kinda of a shit head now.
298
#298
19 Frags +

i feel like compared to the amount of people i enjoy being around, nobody enjoys being around me. both in tf2 and irl. i would consider myself averagely social in real life, but that nobody makes an effort to try to talk to me - i feel like i always have to be the one engaging a conversation and it sucks because i don't know if people like talking to me or if they're just acting like it to be polite.

i feel like compared to the amount of people i enjoy being around, nobody enjoys being around me. both in tf2 and irl. i would consider myself averagely social in real life, but that nobody makes an effort to try to talk to me - i feel like i always have to be the one engaging a conversation and it sucks because i don't know if people like talking to me or if they're just acting like it to be polite.
299
#299
13 Frags +

-

-
300
#300
5 Frags +

I know its retarded, but for some reason I'm so nervous around my girlfriend and I don't feel as if I'm good enough for her. Ive thought about breaking up with her but that would put me where I was before, a complete mess. I feel trapped.

I know its retarded, but for some reason I'm so nervous around my girlfriend and I don't feel as if I'm good enough for her. Ive thought about breaking up with her but that would put me where I was before, a complete mess. I feel trapped.
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