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Confidence
posted in Off Topic
31
#31
0 Frags +

What I wanted to say has pretty much been said already but one thing: do sports. Its best if you try-hard at doing them(to be more effective, seeing as you break the barriers both in your mind and body you will see by yourself that if you want to do anything, you can do it. If you see as once you wanted to try to get better at a sport and you did it, you can do it easier in real life, etc. think about wanting to ask some girl you like out you will just do the perfectly simple thing you did before, you just did it. Also doing sports=feeling good about yourself=having improved self-confidence. Hope this helps.

What I wanted to say has pretty much been said already but one thing: do sports. Its best if you try-hard at doing them(to be more effective, seeing as you break the barriers both in your mind and body you will see by yourself that if you want to do anything, you can do it. If you see as once you wanted to try to get better at a sport and you did it, you can do it easier in real life, etc. think about wanting to ask some girl you like out you will just do the perfectly simple thing you did before, you just did it. Also doing sports=feeling good about yourself=having improved self-confidence. Hope this helps.
32
#32
1 Frags +
wbecome a hypebeast

a grade advice here if you can afford it - I recommend buying a supreme brand cap asap

[quote=w]become a hypebeast[/quote]

a grade advice here if you can afford it - I recommend buying a supreme brand cap asap
33
#33
0 Frags +
zephyrhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCUn3jSEBLU

this is a good video

That guy's back makes him look like a mutated abomination

[quote=zephyr][youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCUn3jSEBLU[/youtube]

this is a good video[/quote]
That guy's back makes him look like a mutated abomination
34
#34
-4 Frags +
conductorwbecome a hypebeast
a grade advice here if you can afford it - I recommend buying a supreme brand cap asap

Knowing full well that you have spent 10x on your clothes than real people will also help build confidence

[quote=conductor][quote=w]become a hypebeast[/quote]

a grade advice here if you can afford it - I recommend buying a supreme brand cap asap[/quote]

Knowing full well that you have spent 10x on your clothes than real people will also help build confidence
35
#35
3 Frags +
  • Stop giving a shit about what others think
  • Do what you want because you want to do it, not for others
  • Get out of your comfort zone whenever possible
  • Never be apologetic; but own your mistakes.
  • Become good at something

Working out/improving your appearance helps, but not in a direct way. They help yourself feel better on the inside because you look better on the outside, but you don't need to have a six pack/be a GQ model to feel it. I personally found a ton of confidence when I was younger due to me getting thick skin from playing competitive games and performing on stage. Growing up in an inner city public school system didn't hurt either. Now, I'm getting even more confidence due to my weight loss as well.

In the end it's all about believing in yourself though. Which comes with life experience. Fake it till you make it.

[list]
[*] Stop giving a shit about what others think
[*] Do what you want because you want to do it, not for others
[*] Get out of your comfort zone whenever possible
[*] Never be apologetic; but own your mistakes.
[*] Become good at something
[/list]

Working out/improving your appearance helps, but not in a direct way. They help yourself feel better on the inside because you look better on the outside, but you don't need to have a six pack/be a GQ model to feel it. I personally found a ton of confidence when I was younger due to me getting thick skin from playing competitive games and performing on stage. Growing up in an inner city public school system didn't hurt either. Now, I'm getting even more confidence due to my weight loss as well.

In the end it's all about believing in yourself though. Which comes with life experience. Fake it till you make it.
36
#36
1 Frags +

Remember that people will judge you no matter how you behave so you may as well make a fool out of yourself from time to time.

Remember that people will judge you no matter how you behave so you may as well make a fool out of yourself from time to time.
37
#37
1 Frags +
phobiaWhat could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something

ddp yoga

[quote=phobia]What could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something[/quote]

ddp yoga
38
#38
0 Frags +
phobiaWhat could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something

Yo work out with teddy bears and forks

[quote=phobia]What could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something[/quote]
Yo work out with teddy bears and forks
39
#39
2 Frags +
wbecome a hypebeast

IT'S COLD AS FUCK AND I'M STILL WEARIN' MY PYREX SHORTS

AIN'T NO SNOW OR SELF-RESPECT STOPPIN' ME FROM REPPIN' MY BRAND

[quote=w]become a hypebeast[/quote]
IT'S COLD AS FUCK AND I'M STILL WEARIN' MY PYREX SHORTS

AIN'T NO SNOW OR SELF-RESPECT STOPPIN' ME FROM REPPIN' MY BRAND
40
#40
2 Frags +

Realize that everyone is just as afraid of you as you are of them.

Realize that everyone is just as afraid of you as you are of them.
41
#41
24 Frags +

I remind myself that if this guy can be mayor, I can do anything

http://assets.vice.com/content-images/contentimage/no-slug/437afecd67372f72de79323fe6bfb995.jpg

I remind myself that if this guy can be mayor, I can do anything

[img]http://assets.vice.com/content-images/contentimage/no-slug/437afecd67372f72de79323fe6bfb995.jpg[/img]
42
#42
2 Frags +

There's a lot of good advice here. Throwing in some more that I've found really useful both personally and professionally:

* When things don't work out, don't blame others. This builds this mindset that other people control your fate and that you're a helpless bystander in your own life. If you accept responsibility, then it builds the mindset that you have the power and control to fix the problem. Acknowledging "I created this mess for myself" is painful, but the realization that "and I have the power to fix this mess" is powerful. In a professional setting, acknowledging failure and then fixing your own problems totally blows people away.
* Become comfortable with the idea of failure. Look back on all the times you lost sleep and worried incessantly over something and it didn't work out. Did the world end? No. You lived to worry about something else today. And if this doesn't work out, the situation will repeat itself yet again. Also think of failure as mapping out your personal frontier and testing boundaries. Thomas Edison developed over 10,000 lightbulb prototypes before finding one that work. He said "I have not failed. I've just found 10000 ways that won't work."
* Don't hang around negative people. Surrounding yourself with confidence builds confidence.

There's a lot of good advice here. Throwing in some more that I've found really useful both personally and professionally:

* When things don't work out, don't blame others. This builds this mindset that other people control your fate and that you're a helpless bystander in your own life. If you accept responsibility, then it builds the mindset that you have the power and control to fix the problem. Acknowledging "I created this mess for myself" is painful, but the realization that "and I have the power to fix this mess" is powerful. In a professional setting, acknowledging failure and then fixing your own problems totally blows people away.
* Become comfortable with the idea of failure. Look back on all the times you lost sleep and worried incessantly over something and it didn't work out. Did the world end? No. You lived to worry about something else today. And if this doesn't work out, the situation will repeat itself yet again. Also think of failure as mapping out your personal frontier and testing boundaries. Thomas Edison developed over 10,000 lightbulb prototypes before finding one that work. He said "I have not failed. I've just found 10000 ways that won't work."
* Don't hang around negative people. Surrounding yourself with confidence builds confidence.
43
#43
3 Frags +

this is only tangentially related, but don't try to be mysterious when you're talking with people or w/e. A lot of nerds try this when they're in large group settings. You are not the respected loner. It comes off as creepy. Be open, friendly, and honest. A smile and a joke or compliment will ensure that people remember you in a positive light and it'll make all future interactions with them a lot easier.

People react positively to positivity. It's easy to introduce yourself to someone. Walk up to them, smile, shake their hand, and introduce yourself. People who get anxious over this stuff tend to overthink things. It's not weird at all to just introduce yourself to someone who you don't know, if you're in a place for a shared reason (like a meeting or seminar or class or whatever). Just be positive and friendly, even if you're nervous. Force yourself to smile or at least put on a pleasant expression. Even if you're nervous as hell, if you're smiling, it hides so much of your nervousness from whoever you're talking to.

this is only tangentially related, but don't try to be mysterious when you're talking with people or w/e. A lot of nerds try this when they're in large group settings. You are not the respected loner. It comes off as creepy. Be open, friendly, and honest. A smile and a joke or compliment will ensure that people remember you in a positive light and it'll make all future interactions with them a lot easier.

People react positively to positivity. It's easy to introduce yourself to someone. Walk up to them, smile, shake their hand, and introduce yourself. People who get anxious over this stuff tend to overthink things. It's not weird at all to just introduce yourself to someone who you don't know, if you're in a place for a shared reason (like a meeting or seminar or class or whatever). Just be positive and friendly, even if you're nervous. Force yourself to smile or at least put on a pleasant expression. Even if you're nervous as hell, if you're smiling, it hides so much of your nervousness from whoever you're talking to.
44
#44
1 Frags +

Do stuff that puts you in extremely uncomfortable situations, and things that you'd try to avoid. (To a certain point obviously) You'll find that it'll not only help with confidence, but after some trial and error it will make you more interesting to talk to.

Do stuff that puts you in extremely uncomfortable situations, and things that you'd try to avoid. (To a certain point obviously) You'll find that it'll not only help with confidence, but after some trial and error it will make you more interesting to talk to.
45
#45
0 Frags +
phobiaWhat could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something

http://www.impulseadventure.com/weights/100push.html

if you can actually stick to this you will see a dramatic increase in the number of pushups you can do

[quote=phobia]What could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something[/quote]

http://www.impulseadventure.com/weights/100push.html

if you can actually stick to this you will see a dramatic increase in the number of pushups you can do
46
#46
2 Frags +
phobiaWhat could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qc_KSGTAjQ

[quote=phobia]What could i do to work out guys. I'm a poor person and i definitely couldn't afford a gym membership

besides pushups, i usually do like 20 or so before i go to sleep. Not alot but it's something[/quote]
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qc_KSGTAjQ[/youtube]
47
#47
3 Frags +

have a really cute chick say "hey there sexy" to you in food lion

have a really cute chick say "hey there sexy" to you in food lion
48
#48
11 Frags +

Find a confident person, kill and eat them to gain their strengths.

Find a confident person, kill and eat them to gain their strengths.
49
#49
2 Frags +
Mr_Owlbut don't try to be mysterious when you're talking with people or w/e. A lot of nerds try this when they're in large group settings. You are not the respected loner. It comes off as creepy.

yes. this.

[quote=Mr_Owl]but don't try to be mysterious when you're talking with people or w/e. A lot of nerds try this when they're in large group settings. You are not the respected loner. It comes off as creepy.[/quote]

yes. this.
50
#50
0 Frags +

Hate to sound rash but what helps me is honestly to "not give a fuck". If I ask a girl out for a drink and she says no, who fucking cares?

You sometimes have to put yourself in the position where you feel uncomfortable, until you get used to it, and eventually take control of it. That's when the confidence oozes.

For me, I taught myself how to play guitar/bass, joined a band, performed in bars/banquet halls/venues etc.. I feel like this helped me out a lot with having confidence in other areas of my life.

Hate to sound rash but what helps me is honestly to "not give a fuck". If I ask a girl out for a drink and she says no, who fucking cares?

You sometimes have to put yourself in the position where you feel uncomfortable, until you get used to it, and eventually take control of it. That's when the confidence oozes.

For me, I taught myself how to play guitar/bass, joined a band, performed in bars/banquet halls/venues etc.. I feel like this helped me out a lot with having confidence in other areas of my life.
51
#51
0 Frags +

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCUn3jSEBLU

not a sarcastic video. Seriously good information here. If you want to build confidence that is, not just break pr's lol.

as for working out, start by assessing your strength, find a good couple sets of dumbbells, a bench, and perhaps some other exercise objects. I'm not knowledgeable enough to know those other objects but dumbbells are very useful for many exercises and many muscle groups.

Dumbbell curls, dumbbell rows , dumbbell presses, delt raises/laterals, etc.

edit: fuck i should read threads more my video was already posted somehow..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCUn3jSEBLU

not a sarcastic video. Seriously good information here. If you want to build confidence that is, not just break pr's lol.


as for working out, start by assessing your strength, find a good couple sets of dumbbells, a bench, and perhaps some other exercise objects. I'm not knowledgeable enough to know those other objects but dumbbells are very useful for many exercises and many muscle groups.

Dumbbell curls, dumbbell rows , dumbbell presses, delt raises/laterals, etc.

edit: fuck i should read threads more my video was already posted somehow..
52
#52
-5 Frags +

plastic surgery

plastic surgery
53
#53
3 Frags +
potplastic surgery

Personal appearance i.e facial/body/ etc are not of a concern to me. I only lack in having the confidence to talk to strangers, but thanks for the concern bud

[quote=pot]plastic surgery[/quote]
Personal appearance i.e facial/body/ etc are not of a concern to me. I only lack in having the confidence to talk to strangers, but thanks for the concern bud
54
#54
1 Frags +
phobiapotplastic surgeryPersonal appearance i.e facial/body/ etc are not of a concern to me. I only lack in having the confidence to talk to strangers, but thanks for the concern bud

Well, realize how they perceive you shouldn't constantly be your line of thought. You shouldn't worry about "Do I sound stupid? Maybe my opinion is WAYYY too crazy, err is this question going to be awkward?".

Just go with it. Be yourself.

If you're the person who will throw in a joke, go crazy and do it. If you're the person who prefers to have serious statements, then don't try to act comical for the sake of OTHERS.

Also like everyone else has suggested, just engage in those situations a bit more. Slowly expose yourself to them. Start off with maybe being the first to talk in group discussions, etc.

Overall, if you're happy with who you are and you slowly work your way up with talking to strangers, you'll start feeling a lot more confident with talking to them. And it's great that you're already confident with your physical appearance.

[quote=phobia][quote=pot]plastic surgery[/quote]
Personal appearance i.e facial/body/ etc are not of a concern to me. I only lack in having the confidence to talk to strangers, but thanks for the concern bud[/quote]

Well, realize how they perceive you shouldn't constantly be your line of thought. You shouldn't worry about "Do I sound stupid? Maybe my opinion is WAYYY too crazy, err is this question going to be awkward?".

Just go with it. Be yourself.

If you're the person who will throw in a joke, go crazy and do it. If you're the person who prefers to have serious statements, then don't try to act comical for the sake of OTHERS.


Also like everyone else has suggested, just engage in those situations a bit more. Slowly expose yourself to them. Start off with maybe being the first to talk in group discussions, etc.


Overall, if you're happy with who you are and you slowly work your way up with talking to strangers, you'll start feeling a lot more confident with talking to them. And it's great that you're already confident with your physical appearance.
55
#55
4 Frags +

First, my favorite motivational image. Speaks for itself.

http://i.imgur.com/wSSP9Iw.jpg

Second, be aware of what's called "the spotlight effect." If you don't know what it is, look it up. Once you know what it is, don't let yourself fall victim to it. I know it isn't as easy as telling yourself "nobody cares" over and over again and *poof* your confidence skyrockets. But really. Nobody cares.

Third, a list of things that, in my eyes, are three big things to work towards in order to be confident.

1) Looks. Get fit and stay fit. Learn how to dress well (it's not hard and doesn't need to be expensive). Do things with your hair (men's haircuts are easy; short on the sides, tall and high on the top).

If you said personal appearance isn't of concern to you because you think it just isn't significant then you need a reality check. If you said it's not a concern because you already feel very comfortable with yourself physically, then keep it up.

This is one of the toughest steps for a lot of people. Dressing well tends to strike people as shallow or daunting or expensive, but it doesn't have to be any of those things. Having nice hair is seriously just going to the right barber and knowing what you want. Getting in shape's probably the biggest hurdle. I'm still working on finding the discipline to put on some pounds.

All of that said, don't try to use just looks as a confidence booster because some days you'll just hate how you look and your day will already be pretty shitty. Speaking from experience. This is not a good place to be.

2) Find a hobby you're passionate about and proud of. Not having anything to love doing is pretty goddamn shitty. Not being proud of what you do love doing is also pretty shitty. I don't feel particularly proud that I'm above average at playing video games so I've been trying to pick up instruments to play in the meantime. Just have a hobby that you like doing, that you're good at, and that you're proud of. A great way to absolutely crush your self confidence is to meet a friend who can play like four instruments and juggle and do magic tricks, and all you can do is play video games.

3) Get the hell out of your comfort zone. This is extremely difficult for me especially, and it's the #1 culprit for my social anxiety. I'm confident where I'm comfortable but as soon as I try something new then I just collapse. I purposely go out of my way to do as little as possible that's outside of what I find most comfortable and that's a terrible, terrible mindset. Nobody ever got good at something by not doing it, and you'll never learn to be social and confident if you just go to classes then go home every single day.

Now it might seem weird to describe things like "asking someone you just met if you can hit them up on facebook" or "go to a party even though you don't know anybody there" as things that you can be good/bad at, but I believe it's fair. Yeah, for extroverts, that just comes naturally. But introverts just aren't inclined to do stuff like that, so we struggle a little bit more.

And just some fundamental stuff.

- When you walk, act like you've got shit to do even if you don't. Chin straight, shoulders back. Take long strides. Walk with determination.

- Know how to laugh at yourself. The big difference between somebody doing something wrong and laughing it off and somebody doing something wrong and stressing out over it is monumental. Don't be the latter.

- Learning how to better carry a one-on-one conversation (which seems to be what you're really struggling with) just comes from experience, I think. If you never talk to people outside of those you're comfortable with, well, you'll never get good at it. See above.

I don't know what else. That's all I can think of. I'm struggling with confidence issues and social anxiety right now. This is the stuff I'm working towards right now because I'm sick of hating myself.

Good luck man.

First, my favorite motivational image. Speaks for itself.

[img]http://i.imgur.com/wSSP9Iw.jpg[/img]

Second, be aware of what's called "the spotlight effect." If you don't know what it is, look it up. Once you know what it is, don't let yourself fall victim to it. I know it isn't as easy as telling yourself "nobody cares" over and over again and *poof* your confidence skyrockets. But really. Nobody cares.

Third, a list of things that, in my eyes, are three big things to work towards in order to be confident.

1) [b]Looks.[/b] Get fit and stay fit. Learn how to dress well (it's not hard and doesn't need to be expensive). Do things with your hair (men's haircuts are easy; short on the sides, tall and high on the top).

If you said personal appearance isn't of concern to you because you think it just isn't significant then you need a reality check. If you said it's not a concern because you already feel very comfortable with yourself physically, then keep it up.

This is one of the toughest steps for a lot of people. Dressing well tends to strike people as shallow or daunting or expensive, but it doesn't have to be any of those things. Having nice hair is seriously just going to the right barber and knowing what you want. Getting in shape's probably the biggest hurdle. I'm still working on finding the discipline to put on some pounds.

All of that said, don't try to use just looks as a confidence booster because some days you'll just hate how you look and your day will already be pretty shitty. Speaking from experience. This is not a good place to be.

2) [b]Find a hobby you're passionate about and proud of.[/b] Not having anything to love doing is pretty goddamn shitty. Not being proud of what you do love doing is also pretty shitty. I don't feel particularly proud that I'm above average at playing video games so I've been trying to pick up instruments to play in the meantime. Just have a hobby that you like doing, that you're good at, and that you're proud of. A great way to absolutely crush your self confidence is to meet a friend who can play like four instruments and juggle and do magic tricks, and all you can do is play video games.

3) [b]Get the hell out of your comfort zone.[/b] This is extremely difficult for me especially, and it's the #1 culprit for my social anxiety. I'm confident where I'm comfortable but as soon as I try something new then I just collapse. I purposely go out of my way to do as little as possible that's outside of what I find most comfortable and that's a terrible, terrible mindset. Nobody ever got good at something by not doing it, and you'll never learn to be social and confident if you just go to classes then go home every single day.

Now it might seem weird to describe things like "asking someone you just met if you can hit them up on facebook" or "go to a party even though you don't know anybody there" as things that you can be good/bad at, but I believe it's fair. Yeah, for extroverts, that just comes naturally. But introverts just aren't inclined to do stuff like that, so we struggle a little bit more.

And just some fundamental stuff.

- When you walk, act like you've got shit to do even if you don't. Chin straight, shoulders back. Take long strides. Walk with determination.

- Know how to laugh at yourself. The big difference between somebody doing something wrong and laughing it off and somebody doing something wrong and stressing out over it is monumental. Don't be the latter.

- Learning how to better carry a one-on-one conversation (which seems to be what you're really struggling with) just comes from experience, I think. If you never talk to people outside of those you're comfortable with, well, you'll never get good at it. See above.

I don't know what else. That's all I can think of. I'm struggling with confidence issues and social anxiety right now. This is the stuff I'm working towards right now because I'm sick of hating myself.

Good luck man.
56
#56
0 Frags +

work out

work out
57
#57
0 Frags +

You don't think about confidence. If you're worried about confidence you're already too insecure. The only way to improve your confidence is do things out of your comfort zone and do it over and over, knowing good or bad you'll deal with the consequences. The more you bring yourself out of your safe feeling comfort zone and fail the more that your inner chicken shit dissipates.

You don't think about confidence. If you're worried about confidence you're already too insecure. The only way to improve your confidence is do things out of your comfort zone and do it over and over, knowing good or bad you'll deal with the consequences. The more you bring yourself out of your safe feeling comfort zone and fail the more that your inner chicken shit dissipates.
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