A lot of people ask me, “ London, how can my team get in the top 10? How do you choose who goes where?” And the answer is pretty simple: Don't suck, and don't lose. Unfortunately, a lot of people sucked this last week, but there were definitely a few that didn't lose, which is how the power rankings get shaken up a bit.
We bid farewell to Maus Trap, who called it quits after losing to airs team without rainy last week. They weren't the only team to die this early in the season, The Internet Exploring 6 cut their entire roster, which is probably the most dramatic way to kill a team. Snarky Teamname Incoming will also join them in the ranks of the dead. I can't wait for the middle of the season where the introductions to power rankings will now just be obituaries for dead teams. Last week was full of upsets and more excellent shittalk in the match comms, but this week it was at least fun to try to match people up to where they rank now. The vacuum that Maus Trap left with their death makes it a little easier to bring in the newer blood at the current top of open, and its good to finally get a big picture of what we should expect the top 16 to look like.
1. Sparkle Bunnies (4-0)
- lydi
- hero
- kent
- blew
- oobii
- gls
Sparkle Bunnies had a decent granary week, dropping 2 rounds to OPERATION QUINN for the their first match of the week. The Bunnies proved to be a bit more coordinated and doing a bit more with their ubers to gain ground, although clorg did put his little heart out to try squeeze out the win, but alas granary was too strong for the young demoman. Their other game gls ended up paying for a player on the opposite team so that they could play them at least 5v6, which was kind of like back handed charity with basically free five rounds. But its the thought that counts, right? This week sparkle bunnies will be playing two relatively low teams, and as such will most likely remain at first for a few weeks before playing another playoff contender.
2. Airheads (4-0)
- KBlair
- scrimshaw
- Geknaiir
- Skyrolla
- aiirrrrr
- neozius
It may be a bit premature slapping this team into the second place, but after their stellar performance last week it might be what stirs the pot a bit. So Air and his team have beaten 2 of the 3 teams that have died this season, automatically in first place for the Team Killer title at the end of the season, a new award I just thought up. They had a really productive week, getting a new team name and slapping a nice team picture, and rolling through what should have been the hardest week of their original schedule. The match against Maus Trap was far and away a match of Maus Trap making a ton of mistakes here and there, but what was important was that Air and his team were pouncing on these opportunities just about every time. The next few weeks will be relatively quiet for the team, but before too long they'll have plenty of contenders to defend their number two spot from.
3. Graveguns Aneurysm (4-0)
- TWSS
- Phelon
- Paul
- Hippo
- NateRivers
- Mangoes
Graveguns Aneurysm has been sweeping up the lower Open teams with a relatively easy schedule. With Maus Trap dead, Hippo and the boys can take it a little easy, at least until metalworks week. Their strongest contender this week on gullywash will be Cloud 9, another team that pulled ahead early in the standings with a small winning streak that has ended with a loss to Cake Dough Cheddar. I consider CDC to be about the same level (maybe a little worse? Hard to say) as Graveguns Aneurysm so I don't expect Cloud 9 to take more than a round off. This team will be stuck at 3 for a while until they start playing better teams, which is how I feel their past seasons in Open have usually gone as well. Lets hope they don't get fat and lazy without a team to challenge them until they play Pinoy Boys.
4. Pinoy Boys (5-0)
- Cloudmaker
- Deathy
- Chunkey
- zambler
- Nick
- Crunkmaster
Pinoy Boys makes the jump up to fourth after a big win over Hans Fan Group. I'm still not sure if this is where this team really fits in for the top 10, but for now this is where they will set. Their gullywash week is already half over by with a win against No Johns, and their second match should be about the same outcome (5-2). I don't want to rain on their parade too hard after beating Hans Fan Group, but it seems to me that this team hasn't really been tested all that much this season yet. Both their badlands matches should be interesting, but I guess I will have to wait until next week to really talk about those match ups, although I can say right now that Pinoy vs Cake Dough Cheddar will most likely be the match of the week for badlands week.
5. Hans Fan Group (3-1)
- Tery_iS
- bsc
- defiance
- seymoo
- vortex
- tooth
Bsc is one step closer to killing the team with their first loss of the season to his old teammate, Zambler now on Pinoy Boys. He has about 3 more losses before the team will explode, which could have just started this last week. Gullywash week shouldn't cause too much of a problem for Bsc and crew with matches against LARGE Gamers and do it for bill. LARGE Gamers feature plays from such frag movies as TF2Center:The Movie and while I find them hilarious people, they've had a rough start to the season. Their second match against do it for bill will be a little more interesting, which might even lead Bsc to choke a fat one. Either way, if Hans Fan Group lose either of their matches this week it will be that much closer to the Sad Zone for this Octopus Emporium.
6. Boys Anus Smell Bottle (3-1)
- CHE
- Testify
- BroKing
- Clorg
- Monkey Suit
- Marquee
Clorg has named his team one of the most disgusting and confusing names, one which by now has probably started a thousand conversations about what a Boys Anus Smell Bottle really is. It probably smells like clorg's shit stats last week with a loss to Sparkle Bunnies and a near loss to Gangstas With Waifus. To be honest, Clorg didn't do badly in either match, which leads me to the blame the real culprit: Monkey Suit. Granary seemed like a hard map for the Boys Anus' scouts (heh) in general this week, as it seems like there was some confusion at times which led to some quick deaths. Thankfully, Clorg and friends will be playing gullywash this week which is typically a good map for Clorg and probably Monkey Suit's worst map (Monkey has never won a gullywash match in ESEA). Fortunately, as long as there isn't too much throwing from Monkey, they should be able to out DM their opponents this week to secure two more wins.
7. Off Top (3-1)
- Caboose
- Tidy
- Anthony500
- James.Shocka
- Antwan
- Nevdawg88
Its starting to look like Off Top has been putting the time in, taking a clean 5-0 win from Donkey Kong in a very short game. Cab00se is now the second medic in Open to play a perfect game this season, CHE obviously being the first to pass that milestone. Their gullywash matches will be a tad more challenging than Donkey Kong, maybe, as they will be playing Rolling with Rolling and do it for bill. Rolling with Rolling has had a decent start to the season but I don't think they'll have much of a shot with James on gully. If they manage to optimize the ultimate triple defense of last and wipe Off Top they could probably get a couple rounds. Their second match I will talk more about as the match of the week. The future looks pretty smooth for Off Top as I can't see many teams besides Hans Fan Group giving them too much trouble. The road to playoffs is pretty close as long as the team stays consistent.
8. Do It For Bill (4-0)
- nursey
- despite
- connor
- safrix
- bowswer5
- trip
Do it for bill is entering the top 10 as one of the new blood to both ESEA and to these power rankings. A lot of people have been telling me this is the team to watch this season, and after their great start to the season they remain one of the few teams to hold an undefeated record. Their schedule for the next few weeks will be against nearly all the other playoff hopefuls, with matches against Off Top and Hans Fan Group on gullywash. These teams of veterans will be a sure challenge for Nursey and crew, and if they are able to come up with some upset victories here we can all expect to see this team in the post season.
9. 5 Queers and Topshot (5-0)
- velma
- topshot
- ctrlfmuffin
- remedy
- wflb
- ukm
Remedy and his band of buds have had an easy start to the season, dropping rounds to a few mid open teams and three to Hotel Moskau last week. The team will have just one match this week with a free win from The Internet Exploring. The record from these first 3 weeks will mean this team will most likely be able to make the cut into the top 16, but will have to step up to the rest of the top 10 teams later in their schedule. It is unclear whether they all want to stick with the classes they have been playing in matches, but we'll have to wait and see. Remedy does pretty well as demo, consistently top damaging alongside topshot playing his main. Whether they will be ready to play some of the better teams in open remains to be seen, but come badlands week we'll have that question answered.
10. Cake Dough Cheddar (3-1)
- cMw
- Jaybenaduchi
- Hellbent
- Lucrative
- Fox
- DanceNumber
Hellbent joining Cake Dough Cheddar after Maus Trap died is reason enough to throw in this team, although Dance and Fox are fun players to watch even if Hellbent wasn't on the team. Cake Dough Cheddar comes in with just one loss to Donkey Kong, but two solid victories over Cloud 9 and Thigh Socks will be enough to give them the last spot in the power rankings. This week they'll be getting a free win from Hellbent's old roster which I find hilarious, and Rolling with Rolling. Rolling with Rolling could take some rounds from Cake, but it looks like its going to be a rough week for the Rollers at a glance. The rest of the season is going to be a mix of skill levels to play against, but at the very least 5 more wins will secure their playoff spot instead of having to squabble over rounds with the rest of the 10-6 record holders.
Teams to watch:
- Thigh High Socks
- Hotel Moskau
- Donkey Kong
- 1 Thousand MPH Ass
- dddddddddddddddddddddddd
Match of the Week: Off Top vs Do It For Bill
- Cab00se
- Tdy
- Anthony500
- James.Shocka
- Nevdawg88
- Antwan
- nursey
- despite
- connor
- safrix
- bowswer5
- trip
The two players I've been told to watch are the combo for Do It For Bill, which seems a little strange seeing as how the meta in this game is less focused on combos being the main force. The rest of their team I really only can say I've seen playing in TF2Center, but matches don't lie that Do It For Bill has the capacity to surprise some people. I can't say that I expect Nursey and the boys to come out with a win this Tuesday night, but I think the game will be close at the least. Off Top looked more like their dumb selves last week, but a second upset against them could throw the team in doubt once more this early in the season, which can't be great for morale. I predict a 5-3 win in favor of Off Top.
Players to Watch:Tittie, James.Shocka, Despite, Nursey