GOD DAMMIT BLINK! STOP BRINGING THAT UP!

Well, I used to subscribe to the theory that if you're gonna do it, do some good with it. Meaning if you're going to follow through with it no matter what, ensure something positive is learned from it. That is also a gamble, so I could never really figure out a way to do it, so I just gave it a shot.
Of course, about a day and a half of being in the ICU changed my point of view, but it's irrelevant. I thought for a while that if I knew there was a reason to die, something to actually be influential in; a heroic yet tragic end saving kids from a fire or some shit like that came to mind, it would be worth it, justified. But sadly, the opportunity doesn't come when you skulk about, when you worry about situations that COULD end you. A hero's death only comes to heroes, and ultimately, your heroism would be driven by your desire to end your life.

Keep your head up, some nerd on my facebook posted some inspiration jibba-jabba along the lines of "You have to pull the string back for an arrow to fly, you can only go forward from here." And that's kind of true.

I think you should seek real life help and counseling, don't go on a public internet forum for anything that matters

To answer your question; I think suicide can be justified. Some people have terrible life-long illnesses that makes life extremely painful without any chance at a healthy, enjoyable life, those are instances where I think suicide is the answer. From your post that doesn't sound like you're in that situation; sure you have some mental illnesses but you're definitely not incapable of having a good, healthy, enjoyable life. It might not be easy, it might even be the hardest thing you'll ever do but it will be worth it. Others have already given you most of the advice I would've given you so I'm just going to leave you with this quote;

it gets worse before it gets better.

It makes me happy to see though that the forum guys do have hearts. Chazz is an awesome guy and a good player to boot.

Did you miss the part where he is getting professional help, and it's not working? He decided to turn here to see if anybody he can relate to has something to contribute. Believe it or not, on the other end of these aliases there are actual, real people who can be serious when it counts.

I've personally gone through this thought process twice. But suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary issue. Life is meant to be lived !!!!

I find it disappointing that some people still think it's cool to makes jokes on a guy's thread when he is contemplating suicide.

Chazz, I know it must feel hard right now. You probably feel like the whole world is against you. A good thing you can do is just occupy yourself. Not tire yourself out by keeping yourself busy, but just allowing your mind and/or body something to occupy the space that could be suicidal thoughts.

Another thing I suggest, is to talk to past people that have overcome their suicidal thoughts/depression. I would recommend here: http://www.reddit.com/r/suicidewatch You can open discussion with other people and its best to allow yourself a way of relief of thoughts that are troubling you. Bottling them up is not healthy. You took a good first step by initiating this thread, if you ever wanna talk one on one, add me on Steam @ http://steamcommunity.com/id/xr3volt

We're all here for you mate. :)

I would just like to point out one more thing, the immense response that you have received. Do not think for one second that there are people out there who would NOT help you in a heartbeat. We're on a Team Fortress 2 forum, and I, plus many others, do not even know you; but we chose to help you because we're all humans who take care of each other. I am not going to shove decisions down your throat, you asked for advice. Only you can solve this yourself. But, we are all here to give love and support!

Thanks for all the messages everyone. I am surprised that so many people responded. Even some people I dont know. I am trying to fight these problems. The reason I'm posting here is because my facebook friends don't give a fuck about what I'm going through. I have no faith in friendship or humanity. Even one of my online "friends" is ignoring me and it hurts. All the words in this thread are things I would have agreed with one year ago. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out why I'm living. There seems to be more cons than pros... it just feels like there's no point to getting better when there's no one to get better with.

Anyone who has really bad OCD or depression, I'd like to talk. Depression by itself is bad, but OCD and depression is slowly making everything worse. My therapist told me that someone without OCD will never understand how having OCD feels like. The easiest way I can explain it is this: I cant control random aggressive thoughts and I cant control when I obsess about anything.

I am scared of death. I just need some guarantee that things will get better or that I will even have real friends someday.

After a long childhood of abuse and turbulence I too found myself very confused and depressed. This led to chronic substance abuse and eventually hard drug addiction. Up until about 6 months when I was almost homeless I constantly ran away from my problems through escapism in drugs and alcohol. After alienating much of my family and losing all integrity I found myself hopeless. Having little or no money for professional care and no desire to use prescription medication I sought a natural solution. Through meditation, diet, and exercise I have completely changed the direction of my life. Life is not your past or future. Its not the anxiety of your actions or expectations. True happiness in life is the ability to be happy with everything you have right here and now. What really spoke to me was:

This is really the core of depression. The obsessive way it can consume your thoughts and distract you from reality. I found personally that through keeping myself busy and keeping myself as healthy and active as possible I boosted my endorphins and eliminated a lot of that depression. The key is create habits contrary to the negative obsessive behavior. Idle hands are the devils playthings. Not only can this help alleviate and distract you from depression it can make you a more productive human being. Life is everything you do every second. By creating good and rewarding habits you can really maximize your potential. Additionally meditation is very rewarding and can lead to great self awareness and better focus and mental control. Simple breathing and stretching exercises can distract you from depressive thoughts and bring you back to reality. In addition I also experimented mildly with psychedelics and marijuana but that was solely and a personal choice and not at all necessary for personal development. I know the hardest thing when you feel that way is to see a silver lining. But the truth is suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The best of luck.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0btJHqGY0l8

I didn't deny that anyone here has the ability to stop shitposting, I just think that maybe the anecdotal advice that someone can give over the internet would be better replaced by some of the resources available in his area.

Seeing as how dire Chazz's situation is, and I am not speaking for him, but I would assume he would take information from any resource that he can get.

people care about you some way or another but most people just don't show it or don't know what to say. Keep your head up. good luck dealing with everything going on.

I've added you to talk. I struggle with Ocd, depression, and anxiety.

Hey man,

I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this. This sucks. No doubt about it, it's no kind of fun to be where you are right now. I hope very much that you can find the road out!

I've dealt with some form of depression or anxiety for most of my life.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you can't control the obsessions. I've had violent intrusions since I was about 5.
I know that with depression, too, it's so easy to get caught in a self destructive loop of thought. It's so terrifying. Myself and my disease are capable of making me feel completely worthless at a moment's notice.

I have had low points. I have begun to believe that there was no way out. Because down there, near rock bottom, it looks like you're impossibly far from happy.

The good news is that the way out isn't a 10 mile leap. It's just one step after another. And I promise that there is always a way.

If you want to make the climb, sometimes it will be hard. Sometimes it will be lonely. Sometimes it will seem like no one cares. Sometimes you will wake up and it will be a struggle to even get out of bed.

But sometimes, you will make progress. You will see how much better things can be. You will find people who extend a hand or drop you a rope.

And it won't always be perfect, but there is life after survival.
That I promise.

There is always, always a road to recovery.
As long as you're alive, it is never too late. You are never too far gone.

With 100% honesty I can tell you that I believe you are capable of doing it.

I wish you the best of luck, and the greatest of futures.
May you find your way out.

Join a club, get involved with people around you. There are people you will genuinely like around you, you just have to put in an effort to find them.
Exercise. Go for a run/jog/walk, you'll find peace and relaxation. Trust me. If there are any trails or anything near you, they're a good place to go. You can bring your dog too.

hey, I have no idea who you are but I also experienced some depression in my life. mine wasn't extremely major, but time helped me. time helped me through a lot, everything gets better eventually, and I think it could be the same for you.

I love dogs too, what kind do you have?

http://i.imgur.com/iQNHS00.jpg

Her name is Harley. She's my 2 year old puppy girl. She's a mix of Golden Retriever and German Shepherd.

She's adorable :)

thats actually a really cute dog man

Keep yourself occupied with something you enjoy, get out of your head. will help a lot..

Hey Chaaz-, I struggled with OCD and and very heavy depression for around 4 - 4 1/2 years, You mentioned you'd like to talk to someone who has experienced OCD before. If you are still looking for someone to chat with please add me man, I'd really really like to help you.

http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198000915845/

I'll keep checking my computer to see if you want to talk on steam.

EDIT: I couldn't wait any longer, I just added you. Chaaz pls

My God I love this community.

Hang in there Chaaz...it gets better.

I think everyone at some point in there life has these thoughts as to why we should wake up tomorrow morning, at least it's appeared that way with the people I've talked to and the people that help me get through the thoughts. I don't mean this in the form as if it were a Right of Passage into the community, because if it was up to me, I wish no one went through this, because no one deserves to feel like they have no purpose. I have my own story, it's still being written today, but overall when people tell you that it gets better it does. I'm not saying it'll happen over night, I'm not saying that suicidal thoughts wont creep back into your mind, but I will say it's up to you if you let them control you, and it certainly will be up to you if you decide to take your own life, and we'll respect that decision, anyone that has experienced suicidal thoughts won't think you took the Cowards way out, because they understand that when you ponder the thought of taking your own life you wonder what the person that will walk in will think, in your case, what will your mom think, or sister? If you need a reason to wake up tomorrow morning just think it's to make someone smile, may that be your mom, sister, a stranger, or even the person that's caused you the most pain, because like I said earlier in this post, no one deserves to go through this kind of pain and suffering.

Bro, you can come to Florida and hang out with me. We can kick it at the beach, you could learn to surf, enjoy the sun and ocean air. Look at all the pretty little thongs walking around, learn Frisbee!

What else is there to do here, Bow hunting is extremely fun, and fishing is right up there as well. Nice restaurants, food and night life in the historic part of down town oldest city in the US.

I do understand what your saying, however I do not have OCD. I have had depression before, and that's terrible in itself. I was on medication and then eventually got off of it, I turned my life around in one single day by meeting someone great and I no longer needed meds. My friend has OCD, and instead of letting it bother him we kind of make jokes about it.. For some reason he obsesses over checking to see if he turned the stove off "stupid to some", but he's literally scared to death he's going to leave it on and burn the house down with his wife and kid in it. So when I'm at his house and hes cooking, I'll be like don't forget to shut the stove off and then check it 15 times. He will reply with I'll check it like 25 just to be sure. hah. sounds stupid but we make it into a joke.

I've never really believed in Therapy to be honest.. I feel it's someone with a degree on the outside attempting to look in when really all they fucking know is what they have been taught in books, common issues etc, unless there a god damn 30 year highly seasoned veteran with great experience.

Life is precious, this world is to beautiful and unique to just walk away from, regardless of our government being douche bags. My best advice, get a hobby stay active, and busy keep you're mind occupied. and While tf2 is a hobby I mean something else besides tf2 also. And literally put effort into it, get good at something get that sense of accomplishment. I don't know you much but I wish you well friend and I hope you make the right decision.

stay strong. when im feeling down, i watch this video. it helps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zO-hq3eOyBI

Haven't read through every post, but I just wanted to give my opinion. I have never been depressed in the way that you are so I can't really say anything will work 100% but honestly try working out and going to the gym. No matter how shitty I feel, going to the gym always lightens things up for me. Try it out. You can get through this buddy.

This x100. One of the things that's helped me get through issues in life.

I second this as well! Like I said, occupy yourself. Working out is a good stress reliever!

I'd say don't look at it as "why should i live" rather "why shouldn't i live?" i think there are many potential pros that you aren't seeing and you should think about more than what lies in front of you. It may be hard and obviously i have no idea what its like but it's really sad to see you struggle with the thought of suicide :(