chaaz-
Account Details
SteamID64 76561197968103581
SteamID3 [U:1:7837853]
SteamID32 STEAM_0:1:3918926
Country United States
Signed Up January 14, 2013
Last Posted October 15, 2015 at 10:06 PM
Posts 20 (0 per day)
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#14 medic lft in Recruitment (looking for team)

y u do dis

posted about 4 years ago
#57 Intel Lanfest Sacramento - August 21-23 in LAN Discussion

Hey dudes. I'll be there tomorrow night if anyone wants to chill

posted about 5 years ago
#100 suicide. in Off Topic

Hey dudes. Yeah I was at lan fest. I shot rubber bands at people, sabotaged slin's stream, handed out sketchy gum, filmed the camera guys, sang songs, and had a good time. It was so nice to see everyone, and everyone was so nice to me. Moods for me are unpredictable and my attempts are mostly compulsive actions from thinking too much. Lan was very fun, but since I am an extreme extrovert, being alone after such a big event is rough. I had a total of 8 hours sleep throughout the past 4 days. I would stay up and drink late at night due to insomnia, and night is when my thoughts are the worst. Crazy cycle. But being at lan with all the people made everything worth it, especially hanging out with the dpi team. Thanks everyone.

Also, I think it's between insom, enigma, and slin for who got hit the most by the rubber bands. Slin got headshot the most.

posted about 6 years ago
#167 Sacramento LANFest spring edition in LAN Discussion

I've decided I'm going to come to this just to spectate. I will have to leave early on Sunday though, but if anyone has any room on the floor for me to just plop my sleeping bag on, I would greatly appreciate it. Someone offered me a floor to sleep on already, but the hotel room already has 6 people and I dont want to make things more cramped for them.

posted about 6 years ago
#78 suicide. in Off Topic

http://i.imgur.com/iQNHS00.jpg

Her name is Harley. She's my 2 year old puppy girl. She's a mix of Golden Retriever and German Shepherd.

posted about 6 years ago
#69 suicide. in Off Topic

Thanks for all the messages everyone. I am surprised that so many people responded. Even some people I dont know. I am trying to fight these problems. The reason I'm posting here is because my facebook friends don't give a fuck about what I'm going through. I have no faith in friendship or humanity. Even one of my online "friends" is ignoring me and it hurts. All the words in this thread are things I would have agreed with one year ago. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out why I'm living. There seems to be more cons than pros... it just feels like there's no point to getting better when there's no one to get better with.

Anyone who has really bad OCD or depression, I'd like to talk. Depression by itself is bad, but OCD and depression is slowly making everything worse. My therapist told me that someone without OCD will never understand how having OCD feels like. The easiest way I can explain it is this: I cant control random aggressive thoughts and I cant control when I obsess about anything.

I am scared of death. I just need some guarantee that things will get better or that I will even have real friends someday.

posted about 6 years ago
#7 suicide. in Off Topic

my life has been very secret to the community as of late. i was gone from below avg last season because i got arrested at the golden gate bridge and was at a psych ward for 2 weeks. Then I tried ODing on 100 25mg pills of benadryl a month later. I didnt die, but i came very close to it and spent another while at the psych ward. then I tried to OD again on ativan and spent a weekend at the psych ward. I am serious with what i posted. There is one reason im still alive and its my puppy. if i didnt have a dog, i wouldnt have hesitated at the bridge or i would have taken 3x more pills than I did. A part of me wanted to live I guess, but its a cycle. I get better just so I can feel worse later on. No matter what I do, Im still alone. I still have shit for friends. and i still keep thinking of bad things.

posted about 6 years ago
#1 suicide. in Off Topic

Ive been battling suicidal thoughts and depression for the last 5 months and OCD for my whole life. I've switched on meds so many times and now im on antipsychotics. My OCD thoughts consist of obsessing over friendships and relationships, checking things profusely, and intrusive thoughts that involve hurting myself or mostly other people. I lost a lot of friends because no one wants to talk to a suicidal guy. People that say they want to "help" a friend are fucking useless. What the fuck does "I'm here for you" mean? It mean's "You're on your own." I have a therapist. I have a psychiatrist. They too are useless except for the drugs they give me.

Can anyone here justify that suicide IS the answer? I dont want to kill myself because I'm scared of death. But recently I've been doing things that involve a high risk of dying like freeclimbing 200 foot walls. I just don't care. And for those who say that I shouldnt leave behind loved ones... yeah. Fuck that. Other than my sister and my mom, no one is here for me. esp not my "friends"

I want someone to support my side. If i cant control what im thinking. i cant stop thinking about drug abuse or murder... is suicide justified?

posted about 6 years ago
#1 LFT Demo or Scout main+ in Recruitment (looking for team)

No longer on below avg/blame game. Willing to play demo or scout for a main or invite team. Add me if interested:

http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197968103581/

posted about 6 years ago
#74 Who have you played with???? in TF2 General Discussion

http://i.imgur.com/TK82b.jpg

I take everything back. Anyone who's ever played with THIS GUY is an automatic winner. I win.

posted about 6 years ago
#1 Who have you played with???? in TF2 General Discussion

It's late. I'm not sleepy, and I'm bored. I think the six degrees of separation apply to everyone in the world even in TF2 ESPORTS YEAH. Let's see who we can connect.

List out every player that you have ever played on a team with. This should be interesting...

grillz, paddie, shootist, ctrl+f muffin, sureshot, jonas, eldritch, dennisthemenace, phaser, rb, zclipse, panic, chompa, st. patrick, cringe, paladin, magus, jazzy, slam, tyler, broses, zalfy, tyranny, sigma, grieve, sephy, otter, wonderwall, freight train, jammar, romeo_love, platinum, smaka, blackymonster, sequel, drone, tulkas, jafari, showstopper, yidd, naxx, lamiafusion, axl, ruby ice, davis, ft, nrage, moedakilla, ingin, blazinlasers, wirex, panfrie, spoo, headcrab, jake rockwell, beasly, rizz, eX, papasmurf, punisher, 40jam, ohnoes, ricco, aaron, lansky, gundy, dabes, arizona, oplaid, forcestealer, lange, moero, felraiser, teto, zbryan, zakirll, boomer, loronix, sash, tagg, rep, hell, 38special, pwner, stratovarius, jack death, frzn, opey, mear, driver, sash

posted about 6 years ago
#33 Thoughts on Zowie FK? in Hardware

I am currently using the Zowie FK. I was looking a while for a replacement for my wmo, which finally broke after 4 years. Unfortunately, they don't make the wmo anymore, so I ordered one from China which broke within 2 days. I had to force myself to leave the wmo because of this. After doing lots of research and reading lots of reviews as to which one comes closer to the wmo, it was between the Zowie AM and FK. I chose the FK because, while it's width is shorter than the wmo, it is a lighter and faster mouse.

The FK has the same sensor as the AM. The scroll wheel is solid and the material of the mouse is good, but not good if you get sweaty hands. By far, this mouse has the lowest lift off distance I've ever tried. It's something crazy too as it says on the website. It has the same material mouse feet as Hyperglides (which is very good). The only difference is the color. The size of the mouse will take some getting used to. This is NOT for a palm grip. It is made for either claw or a palm/claw hybrid. The mouse is relatively flat so there's no room to put your palm unless you have girl hands.

Overall, I think it's a good mouse. Second best one I've ever had. Of course, my first choice would always be the WMO... rip.

posted about 6 years ago
#93 A little Steam game giveaway. in TF2 General Discussion

This is my entry

posted about 6 years ago
#39 depression in Off Topic
scrimshawdefyscrimshawdefyif you feel like shit you have to get out of the house, it's an absolute must

go chill with your friends, tell them why you're feeling down and out
unless it's being depressed about a specific event or series of events most people can't tell you why they're depressed. if it was that easy to figure out it would be that easy to fix

that's not the point at all, staying confined and inside (I.E posting here etc) isn't going to help at all, it's not about being easy to figure out either. your friends are there for you when you need them. talking about anything to them in general will take your mind off things or they can pin point something that didn't even occur to you in the first place, or help you find out whats missing that's making you feel awful
friends can help in a lot of situations for sure. i found that trying to distract myself by going out only made things worse when i got home. maybe i'm just weird but there's a lot of things i don't feel comfortable discussing with friends and i've had experience with them not understanding and eventually not speaking to me anymore. but i guess that's why i've seen a ton of doctors, therapists and psychiatrists and been on 5 different antidepressants since the new year.

Yes. Friends give times to forget about the bad things. Good friends provide a listening ear to vent so you don't go crazy. Even doing new things or meeting new people helps for a little while. For me at least, because this is online, I'm not going to deny the fact that I hide my sadness and depression every time I go out. Right now, I don't know if I'm depressed or just very sad. And I have been this way for so long that... well I've run out of friends to vent to because they simply got tired of it. And this is because of something deeply personal. And even after venting to certain friends, I still feel horrible when I get home. Going back to the dude who made this post, I honestly have no solution. I have been this way for 6 years and I've just gotten really good at hiding. That's my solution.

posted about 6 years ago
#28 What music do you game to? in Off Topic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8b6Ov-U98k

posted about 6 years ago
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