Upvote Upvoted 14 Downvote Downvoted
Need advice on what living situation I should pick
posted in Off Topic
1
#1
0 Frags +

I feel like I must first preface this by stating that I am in fact 100% serious and genuine here. I would sincerely appreciate some of you guys weighing in on this important decision. This is the REAL Pankeyman here speaking to you now, just little old me. Anyways, onto the actual post itself:

Hey guys, I'm moving out of the city and into the countryside to begin university soon, while simultaneously starting a new life from scratch. Which living situation is better from your own experience? I must choose 1 of these 3, and I thought some of you guys would know what's better based on your own experiences. Whether it be attending university, college, or any form of boarding school. I've been mulling these options over and carefully weighing out their pros and cons, but I think it'd be best to just lay them bare and show you guys my pure and unadulterated thoughts in regards to each one.

1). Living in a dorm at school with a roommate
I don't know about this. I'm not a fan of sharing my quarters with other people. But would this help me improve my social skills or make me have a friendlier disposition towards my peers? I think that since I need to make brand new friendships this would force me into the act which is, as I see it, an imperative. I don’t watch anime anymore, play video-games, do drugs, or look at any porn, so I’m not worried or afraid about people walking in on me doing something bad or weird. Although what I’m actually worried about is that I might get too distracted by other people around me to be able to properly study or focus on doing homework and that junk. Do you find yourselves more or less productive on average when you have people buzzing around you? Sometimes I think it would help to form a 'study group' or whatever, but at the same time I feel like I might get to wound up in screwing around with my new friends that I'd be unable to actually do anything productive which has been something that did in fact screw me over in the past on multiple occasions, academically speaking.

2.) Living in a dorm at school by myself
I think simply living at school would be a great deal of convenience and it would make me more able to socialize with my peers at a more accessible level, as we are essentially neighbors in this situation. However, it would certainly benefit me to have privacy to some extent. I have heard some bad stories about people who have their food, and other property stolen, vandalized or abused by less scrupulous individuals that they room with. I really don’t want to risk some guy shoving my toothbrush up his asshole because I slighted him earlier in the day, for example. This is why I think that this is a very good ‘middle ground’ option where I have myself directly connected to the school grounds but still have enough privacy to properly study, have people over, cook, and leave my affects about without fear of them being stolen or tampered with. I have a real fear of people violating my privacy, and maybe I need to force myself to get over that already to some extent. Furthermore, I'm worried that if I just stay alone it will be more difficult for me to form and maintain any relationships which has always been a great struggle for me throughout my life.

3.) Renting out an apartment away from school all to myself
I have saved the funds to do such a thing whilst attending school. I was initially taking this option so I would be able to smoke as much weed as I wanted, but since I gave up weed this is no longer a determining factor for me. I think it would be nice to have my own property, or some semblance of such, as it would teach me some useful responsibilities and all that good stuff. Furthermore, I think girls would think I'm cooler and more appealing if I have my own place, would they want to bang me more if they knew we were gonna do it away from school? Also, if I lived alone would people think I am badass and mysterious? Do I have an automatic higher coolness rating if I have my own apartment? Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever? Or would being a distance aways deter them, and would they rather just stop by somebody’s dormitory room instead? These are the kinds of little things that weigh on my mind when I’m preparing to start my brand new life and its very stressful for me, especially since I lack any confidant or person to speak my intimations towards without fears of scrutiny and harsh judgment.

I really don't know which is the optimal choice here. They all have their benefits and drawbacks which is why I would like some input from you, the tftv community, on what would be the best choice for me.

[i]I feel like I must first preface this by stating that I am in fact [b]100% serious and genuine[/b] here. I would sincerely appreciate some of you guys weighing in on this important decision. This is the REAL Pankeyman here speaking to you now, just little old me. Anyways, onto the actual post itself:
[/i]
Hey guys, I'm moving out of the city and into the countryside to begin university soon, while simultaneously starting a new life from scratch. Which living situation is better from your own experience? I must choose 1 of these 3, and I thought some of you guys would know what's better based on your own experiences. Whether it be attending university, college, or any form of boarding school. I've been mulling these options over and carefully weighing out their pros and cons, but I think it'd be best to just lay them bare and show you guys my pure and unadulterated thoughts in regards to each one.

[b]1). Living in a dorm at school with a roommate[/b]
I don't know about this. I'm not a fan of sharing my quarters with other people. But would this help me improve my social skills or make me have a friendlier disposition towards my peers? I think that since I need to make brand new friendships this would force me into the act which is, as I see it, an imperative. I don’t watch anime anymore, play video-games, do drugs, or look at any porn, so I’m not worried or afraid about people walking in on me doing something bad or weird. Although what I’m actually worried about is that I might get too distracted by other people around me to be able to properly study or focus on doing homework and that junk. Do you find yourselves more or less productive on average when you have people buzzing around you? Sometimes I think it would help to form a 'study group' or whatever, but at the same time I feel like I might get to wound up in screwing around with my new friends that I'd be unable to actually do anything productive which has been something that did in fact screw me over in the past on multiple occasions, academically speaking.

[b]2.) Living in a dorm at school by myself[/b]
I think simply living at school would be a great deal of convenience and it would make me more able to socialize with my peers at a more accessible level, as we are essentially neighbors in this situation. However, it would certainly benefit me to have privacy to some extent. I have heard some bad stories about people who have their food, and other property stolen, vandalized or abused by less scrupulous individuals that they room with. I really don’t want to risk some guy shoving my toothbrush up his asshole because I slighted him earlier in the day, for example. This is why I think that this is a very good ‘middle ground’ option where I have myself directly connected to the school grounds but still have enough privacy to properly study, have people over, cook, and leave my affects about without fear of them being stolen or tampered with. I have a real fear of people violating my privacy, and maybe I need to force myself to get over that already to some extent. Furthermore, I'm worried that if I just stay alone it will be more difficult for me to form and maintain any relationships which has always been a great struggle for me throughout my life.

[b]3.) Renting out an apartment away from school all to myself[/b]
I have saved the funds to do such a thing whilst attending school. I was initially taking this option so I would be able to smoke as much weed as I wanted, but since I gave up weed this is no longer a determining factor for me. I think it would be nice to have my own property, or some semblance of such, as it would teach me some useful responsibilities and all that good stuff. Furthermore, I think girls would think I'm cooler and more appealing if I have my own place, would they want to bang me more if they knew we were gonna do it away from school? Also, if I lived alone would people think I am badass and mysterious? Do I have an automatic higher coolness rating if I have my own apartment? Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever? Or would being a distance aways deter them, and would they rather just stop by somebody’s dormitory room instead? These are the kinds of little things that weigh on my mind when I’m preparing to start my brand new life and its very stressful for me, especially since I lack any confidant or person to speak my intimations towards without fears of scrutiny and harsh judgment.

I really don't know which is the optimal choice here. They all have their benefits and drawbacks which is why I would like some input from you, the tftv community, on what would be the best choice for me.
2
#2
12 Frags +

Living by yourself is usually the best option if you can afford it, but make sure you check what a 1 room or studio apartment costs before you make a decision like that. It can get pricey especially if it's right by a university

Living by yourself is usually the best option if you can afford it, but make sure you check what a 1 room or studio apartment costs before you make a decision like that. It can get pricey especially if it's right by a university
3
#3
7 Frags +

Apartment

Apartment
4
#4
3 Frags +

My first year in school I stayed in a dorm with another roommate and while we got along well, I simply found it hard to do much when I was there. It was alright I guess to just pay a flat rate and not have to worry about factoring electricity or utilities in but you sacrifice personal space in a very large way. I almost always went to the library to study since I felt like I wasn't going to be as productive when I was in my dorm room. That being said, I do prefer being alone at times so having my own room was a bit better for what I wanted in a place to live. It has been a bit more difficult to study because to get to the campus library I would have to drive and take a short walk, but I'm slowly working on developing the discipline to focus on what tasks I need to accomplish without getting distracted

If you can find an apartment with a roommate that allows for separate rooms (this is what I'm living in currently), then that may be your best option. The more roommates that you're splitting a place with, the cheaper your monthly costs are likely to be. Also, you may be able to meet others and go to things that you wouldn't have gotten to go to if you didn't have those connections. My specific trade off is that one of my roommates that has a lot of connections also smokes a lot (because of him I've gotten to despise the smell of cigs and weed) and doesn't seem to understand the idea that our living room isn't his second domain. But overall, I'm relatively happy with where I am.

TLDR options 2 or 3

My first year in school I stayed in a dorm with another roommate and while we got along well, I simply found it hard to do much when I was there. It was alright I guess to just pay a flat rate and not have to worry about factoring electricity or utilities in but you sacrifice personal space in a very large way. I almost always went to the library to study since I felt like I wasn't going to be as productive when I was in my dorm room. That being said, I do prefer being alone at times so having my own room was a bit better for what I wanted in a place to live. It has been a bit more difficult to study because to get to the campus library I would have to drive and take a short walk, but I'm slowly working on developing the discipline to focus on what tasks I need to accomplish without getting distracted

If you can find an apartment with a roommate that allows for separate rooms (this is what I'm living in currently), then that may be your best option. The more roommates that you're splitting a place with, the cheaper your monthly costs are likely to be. Also, you may be able to meet others and go to things that you wouldn't have gotten to go to if you didn't have those connections. My specific trade off is that one of my roommates that has a lot of connections also smokes a lot (because of him I've gotten to despise the smell of cigs and weed) and doesn't seem to understand the idea that our living room isn't his second domain. But overall, I'm relatively happy with where I am.

TLDR options 2 or 3
5
#5
11 Frags +

2nd or 3rd option for sure. Sharing a dorm with someone is fucking shit. Yeah I get what you're saying about it might make you not be able to maintain the relationships that you want if you are on your own in your own apartment but you can actually think of it as a reason to go for the relationships that you want. Invite friends over to chill or it could even encourage you to go outside and socialise more as you don't want to be sat on your own inside.
Human interaction is of course a good thing but when it gets to the stage when you are trying to study and the guy you are sharing with is a complete idiot and disturbs you constantly from your work then its just the absolute worst.

2nd or 3rd option for sure. Sharing a dorm with someone is fucking shit. Yeah I get what you're saying about it might make you not be able to maintain the relationships that you want if you are on your own in your own apartment but you can actually think of it as a reason to go for the relationships that you want. Invite friends over to chill or it could even encourage you to go outside and socialise more as you don't want to be sat on your own inside.
Human interaction is of course a good thing but when it gets to the stage when you are trying to study and the guy you are sharing with is a complete idiot and disturbs you constantly from your work then its just the absolute worst.
6
#6
8 Frags +

Option 2.

1 will drive you insane if you like your space and 3 will leave you isolated which is probably enough of a problem anyway as a TF2 nerd.

Option 2.

1 will drive you insane if you like your space and 3 will leave you isolated which is probably enough of a problem anyway as a TF2 nerd.
7
#7
1 Frags +

I agree with option two. Not having to commute changed my life during my semester in a dorm.

I agree with option two. Not having to commute changed my life during my semester in a dorm.
8
#8
8 Frags +

I lived in a dorm years 1 & 2, then I was an RA (with my own room) year 3, and offcampus apartment with 3 roommates year 4.

I have to say for earlier years (especially freshman year) you do NOT want to overly isolate yourself by living in your own apartment. These are the years to get to know people, make friend groups, do those dorky events on campus just to get out of your room and talking to others.

I was lucky in that both of my roommates year 1 went home for 4-5 days a week EVERY week, so I had a ton of alone time even while having a roommate. If you can find that, it's ideal.

Option 2 is probably the best, but it's also usually expensive so that's really up to you to determine if you can afford that choice.

I lived in a dorm years 1 & 2, then I was an RA (with my own room) year 3, and offcampus apartment with 3 roommates year 4.

I have to say for earlier years (especially freshman year) you do NOT want to overly isolate yourself by living in your own apartment. These are the years to get to know people, make friend groups, do those dorky events on campus just to get out of your room and talking to others.

I was lucky in that both of my roommates year 1 went home for 4-5 days a week EVERY week, so I had a ton of alone time even while having a roommate. If you can find that, it's ideal.

Option 2 is probably the best, but it's also usually expensive so that's really up to you to determine if you can afford that choice.
9
#9
1 Frags +
Pankeyman Furthermore, I think girls would think I'm cooler and more appealing if I have my own place, would they want to bang me more if they knew we were gonna do it away from school? Also, if I lived alone would people think I am badass and mysterious? Do I have an automatic higher coolness rating if I have my own apartment? Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever? Or would being a distance aways deter them, and would they rather just stop by somebody’s dormitory room instead?

these shouldn't be the reason for making an important life choice imo.
Also why did you stop smoking weed?
Edit: can't you try the first two and see if you like it without having to commit to them?

[quote=Pankeyman] Furthermore, I think girls would think I'm cooler and more appealing if I have my own place, would they want to bang me more if they knew we were gonna do it away from school? Also, if I lived alone would people think I am badass and mysterious? Do I have an automatic higher coolness rating if I have my own apartment? Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever? Or would being a distance aways deter them, and would they rather just stop by somebody’s dormitory room instead?[/quote]
these shouldn't be the reason for making an important life choice imo.
Also why did you stop smoking weed?
Edit: can't you try the first two and see if you like it without having to commit to them?
10
#10
3 Frags +

I'd recommend option 2. You're in close proximity to get to know people more naturally, while you can always just go in your room and close the door if you need some space to yourself. I chose a single person dorm room in first year of university and loved it.

I'd recommend option 2. You're in close proximity to get to know people more naturally, while you can always just go in your room and close the door if you need some space to yourself. I chose a single person dorm room in first year of university and loved it.
11
#11
3 Frags +
PankeymanWould my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever?

This isn't the sort of thing that just happens, people won't just instantly try to hang out and go over to your place. Most people wouldn't even find out about it, and most people aren't going to ask you to hang out at your place unless you're extremely outgoing with that or have been doing it regularly with them already.

It can be great for running a game of d&d or something, and generally is nice when you do know that you'll be inviting people over a lot, but you need to be the one on top of that.

[quote=Pankeyman]Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever?[/quote]
This isn't the sort of thing that just happens, people won't just instantly try to hang out and go over to your place. Most people wouldn't even find out about it, and most people aren't going to ask you to hang out at your place unless you're extremely outgoing with that or have been doing it regularly with them already.

It can be great for running a game of d&d or something, and generally is nice when you do know that you'll be inviting people over a lot, but you need to be the one on top of that.
12
#12
2 Frags +

So, I've had the experience both of staying in a dorm by myself (just for one term) and attending a commuter college (that is, one with no provided housing). This will probably vary some, but in my experience, things like student housing and meal programs are usually a fair bit more expensive than living on your own and buying your own food. Schools get away with ripping you off because dorms and dining halls are more convenient when you don't know how to do shit on your own. I would do the research on your school and the surrounding area before you make assumptions about what will be cheaper.

There's also another option you haven't mentioned--rooming with other students off campus. A lot of upperclassmen tend to rent big houses together, splitting costs. You could still have your own room and a bit more flexibility in choosing your roommates. It doesn't necessarily have to be far, either. I live like a ten-minute walk away from the main campus. If you're worried about getting distracted by other people, get used to going to the library. That's the most distraction-free place regardless of your living situation. Study groups are a good idea, but you should typically form them with people you meet in your classes, not people you live with. If you get involved with campus activities, you don't have to live there to develop a social life, and you can always go over to other people's dorm rooms. Also, I might be underestimating the naivete of freshman/sophomore girls, but I think you'll have a hard time getting laid no matter what if you actively try to go for "mysteriousness," especially as an 18-year-old kid. This reads as contrived and creepy almost all the time. Just try to be a human. dw, you'll learn.

--
Oh yeah, you mentioned cooking. Most schools won't let you keep so much as a hot plate or even a candle in dorms. Microwave's the best you'll get. Even if you get a solo dorm room, you'd have to use a common cooking area in the basement or something, if the school provides one at all.

So, I've had the experience both of staying in a dorm by myself (just for one term) and attending a commuter college (that is, one with no provided housing). This will probably vary some, but in my experience, things like student housing and meal programs are usually a fair bit more expensive than living on your own and buying your own food. Schools get away with ripping you off because dorms and dining halls are more convenient when you don't know how to do shit on your own. I would do the research on your school and the surrounding area before you make assumptions about what will be cheaper.

There's also another option you haven't mentioned--rooming with other students off campus. A lot of upperclassmen tend to rent big houses together, splitting costs. You could still have your own room and a bit more flexibility in choosing your roommates. It doesn't necessarily have to be far, either. I live like a ten-minute walk away from the main campus. If you're worried about getting distracted by other people, get used to going to the library. That's the most distraction-free place regardless of your living situation. Study groups are a good idea, but you should typically form them with people you meet in your classes, not people you live with. If you get involved with campus activities, you don't have to live there to develop a social life, and you can always go over to other people's dorm rooms. Also, I might be underestimating the naivete of freshman/sophomore girls, but I think you'll have a hard time getting laid no matter what if you actively try to go for "mysteriousness," especially as an 18-year-old kid. This reads as contrived and creepy almost all the time. Just try to be a human. dw, you'll learn.

--
Oh yeah, you mentioned cooking. Most schools won't let you keep so much as a hot plate or even a candle in dorms. Microwave's the best you'll get. Even if you get a solo dorm room, you'd have to use a common cooking area in the basement or something, if the school provides one at all.
13
#13
2 Frags +

I would seriously consider option 2 for at least your first year. A dorm is a great way to build up a social circle in college, which is very important as it's super easy to find yourself pretty isolated if you're living on your own.

I would seriously consider option 2 for at least your first year. A dorm is a great way to build up a social circle in college, which is very important as it's super easy to find yourself pretty isolated if you're living on your own.
14
#14
4 Frags +
PankeymanFurthermore, I think girls would think I'm cooler and more appealing if I have my own place, would they want to bang me more if they knew we were gonna do it away from school? Also, if I lived alone would people think I am badass and mysterious? Do I have an automatic higher coolness rating if I have my own apartment? Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever? Or would being a distance aways deter them, and would they rather just stop by somebody’s dormitory room instead?

I just noticed this part after Differ posted - girls will NOT be more attracted to you because you have your own place. I only dated one dude through all of college, but I can say with 100% certainty it did not matter to me where he lived, and it did not inhibit us from banging. It was going to happen if it was going to happen.

Also, friends/people in general will usually go for convenience of location rather than the most cushy option - if a bunch of people live near X and you can drink there, you'll go to X. My friends and I when we lived in dorms would just sit in hallways and chat, or near a 24/7 cafe, or just someone's dorm that happened to have two cool people living in it. I think that saying is true where it doesn't matter where you are, just who you're with.

[quote=Pankeyman]Furthermore, I think girls would think I'm cooler and more appealing if I have my own place, would they want to bang me more if they knew we were gonna do it away from school? Also, if I lived alone would people think I am badass and mysterious? Do I have an automatic higher coolness rating if I have my own apartment? Would my peers want to come over and hang out with me after school more if they knew there was a nice, inviting and cozy place to visit or whatever? Or would being a distance aways deter them, and would they rather just stop by somebody’s dormitory room instead?[/quote]

I just noticed this part after Differ posted - girls will NOT be more attracted to you because you have your own place. I only dated one dude through all of college, but I can say with 100% certainty it did not matter to me where he lived, and it did not inhibit us from banging. It was going to happen if it was going to happen.

Also, friends/people in general will usually go for convenience of location rather than the most cushy option - if a bunch of people live near X and you can drink there, you'll go to X. My friends and I when we lived in dorms would just sit in hallways and chat, or near a 24/7 cafe, or just someone's dorm that happened to have two cool people living in it. I think that saying is true where it doesn't matter where you are, just who you're with.
15
#15
0 Frags +

Thanks for all the help, all. I appreciate the input. You have given me some good food for thought.

Thanks for all the help, all. I appreciate the input. You have given me some good food for thought.
16
#16
3 Frags +

ah, it is finally US that is teaching panky istead of the oter way aroun :DD

ah, it is finally US that is teaching panky istead of the oter way aroun :DD
17
#17
4 Frags +
Vulcanah, it is finally US that is teaching panky istead of the oter way aroun :DD

In the original English opening to Pokemon there is the line "You teach me/I teach you/POKEMON/etc" this sums up a part of my life philosophy. You can only gain from what you give and it is to make the gains even swoler....

[quote=Vulcan]ah, it is finally US that is teaching panky istead of the oter way aroun :DD[/quote]
In the original English opening to Pokemon there is the line "You teach me/I teach you/POKEMON/etc" this sums up a part of my life philosophy. You can only gain from what you give and it is to make the gains even swoler....
18
#18
-3 Frags +

holy shit that was a mess of a post

holy shit that was a mess of a post
19
#19
4 Frags +

Do a house/apartment share with people your age, good way to make friends.
Normally you can find individual rooms for rent in those kinds of situations.

Dorms are a scam and I feel bad for anyone who wastes money on that kind of housing.

Do a house/apartment share with people your age, good way to make friends.
Normally you can find individual rooms for rent in those kinds of situations.

Dorms are a scam and I feel bad for anyone who wastes money on that kind of housing.
20
#20
0 Frags +

Single person dorms? In my uni (and perhaps lots of others in Russia) they put at least 3 people in a room. Sounds bad, but on the other hand it's dirt cheap compared to renting an apartment or even a room.

Single person dorms? In my uni (and perhaps lots of others in Russia) they put at least 3 people in a room. Sounds bad, but on the other hand it's dirt cheap compared to renting an apartment or even a room.
21
#21
-1 Frags +

if you get a dorm your gonna enjoy your roommates for about a year or two, after that you're gonna be craving a lot more space and privacy. i suggest solo dorm for max funtimes, apt if you can afford it and you hate dorm rules. plus something to keep wether ur in schol or not. my dorm had 4 ppl to a room and boi was it rowdy

if you get a dorm your gonna enjoy your roommates for about a year or two, after that you're gonna be craving a lot more space and privacy. i suggest solo dorm for max funtimes, apt if you can afford it and you hate dorm rules. plus something to keep wether ur in schol or not. my dorm had 4 ppl to a room and boi was it rowdy
Please sign in through STEAM to post a comment.