i ruined my shot at being good because of emotional dysregulation issues
sometimes this happens in game and i don't know why: i go into a weird depressive spiral, where i feel sick and physically unable to speak or communicate, with a deep feeling of dread/hopelessness and i stop trying in whatever i'm doing at the time. the feeling won't go back to normal unless i go to sleep. this happened in a lot of important officials like 4-5 years ago and pretty much every team i've ever been on has kicked me because of these unexplained throws. i feel fucking awful for it, but it feels completely impossible to stop it from happening when something triggers it
(if anyone remembers the huntsman meme from hl nations cup then yeah)