Collaide
Yeah I usually do that every year from Halloween to Christmas because I don't have any friends in real life and it's really hard to think of shit that will force me to go outside and be around people when it's freezing and there's a foot of snow on the ground. Then combine that with seeing everyone else around me be so happy and excited for the holidays, and it just makes me want to crawl into a hole in the ground and disappear forever. The only advice I can give is to not beat yourself up about it, because while it might seem obvious to you now that you aren't doing yourself any good by shutting everyone else out, it's important to remember that when you're in that frame of mind, how incredibly difficult it is to even just imagine a way, or a reason, to come back. Being depressed is one thing, but making it worse by blaming yourself for being depressed is a bad way to go.
This year I decided to try read more than I had been, and I think I read some stuff that helped me get over myself a little bit. Among a lot of other stuff, I started getting really into David Foster Wallace. I'd been kind of peripherally aware of DFW and what he was all about from osmosis and slick YouTube™ Video Essays™, but when I sat down to actually read him it kind of blew my mind because it was like reading the contents of my own brain. I think the best introduction is probably This Is Water:
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Essentially, he's about stripping away the layers and layers of irony and bullshit and all the other junk that we put between our "real" selves and rest of the world and all the people in it, and really trying to just be authentic with people. And realizing that even if you fail, you didn't fail because you're a bad person, but because communicating with people in a real, authentic, genuine, non-bullshit way is really, tremendously, mind-bogglingly hard, because it turns out that we just aren't built for that kind of sitting down and talking to someone. We need the layers of bullshit. They're as much a part of us as the "real" part that we're protecting with them. And once you know that they're there, and that everyone else has got just as many layers to protect themselves, you can really start to get to the heart of whatever other problems you have with people.
sorry if this was kinda rambly and masturbatory. Just know that you ain't alone out there, and you can get over whatever hole you may or may not find yourself in right now.