I mean this in a serious way is there something that helped you get passed the death of a loved one? The reason that I ask is that I lost 4 people in the last year, and three in the last month. My father, Grandmother, Grandfather, and our Dog. Is there anything that truly helped? I know it's unlikely that people have tons of answers, but it's just too much too quickly at this moment.
Edit, one of our puppies died from Parvo about 5 hours ago. While, we knew that she had it, we thought it was better for her to be with people to love her. We got her from a shelter and while we understood she is unlikely to live, it's so hard.
I mean this in a serious way is there something that helped you get passed the death of a loved one? The reason that I ask is that I lost 4 people in the last year, and three in the last month. My father, Grandmother, Grandfather, and our Dog. Is there anything that truly helped? I know it's unlikely that people have tons of answers, but it's just too much too quickly at this moment.
Edit, one of our puppies died from Parvo about 5 hours ago. While, we knew that she had it, we thought it was better for her to be with people to love her. We got her from a shelter and while we understood she is unlikely to live, it's so hard.
Remembering them for all the good times you had and the positive influence they've had on you helps a little bit.
..though nothing really ever fixes feeling like you've had something torn out of you.
Edit: There was a quote by Ann Druyan at the end of the book A Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan, saying that she had received a ton of letters after Carl Sagan's death saying how much of an influence he had on everyone, and that let her take comfort in the fact that he basically "lived on" through other people without having to resort to religion or spirituality to find that comfort. Can't seem to find the quote online..
Remembering them for all the good times you had and the positive influence they've had on you helps a little bit.
..though nothing really ever fixes feeling like you've had something torn out of you.
Edit: There was a quote by Ann Druyan at the end of the book A Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan, saying that she had received a ton of letters after Carl Sagan's death saying how much of an influence he had on everyone, and that let her take comfort in the fact that he basically "lived on" through other people without having to resort to religion or spirituality to find that comfort. Can't seem to find the quote online..
Realize that it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to be angry, it's okay to take some time to think and remember your loved ones. I think... just remember how they were able to be a significant part of your life, and you a part of theirs, where you are able to feel such grief after they passed. People handle grief in all sorts of ways, so it's hard for anyone to really tell you how to feel. The feeling of loss may never really leave completely. I'm very sorry that you had to lose so much in such a short period of time.
[Some experience... I lost a good friend last Summer. She lived across the world from me and I had the fortune of meeting her once in person, then she unexpectedly passed. I was very numb for several days after I found out. What helped for me was to think about how fortunate I was to have known her and had great experiences with her, that comforted me, knowing I was able to be happy with her, even for just a little while. I still think about her a lot.]
Realize that it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to be angry, it's okay to take some time to think and remember your loved ones. I think... just remember how they were able to be a significant part of your life, and you a part of theirs, where you are able to feel such grief after they passed. People handle grief in all sorts of ways, so it's hard for anyone to really tell you how to feel. The feeling of loss may never really leave completely. I'm very sorry that you had to lose so much in such a short period of time.
[Some experience... I lost a good friend last Summer. She lived across the world from me and I had the fortune of meeting her once in person, then she unexpectedly passed. I was very numb for several days after I found out. What helped for me was to think about how fortunate I was to have known her and had great experiences with her, that comforted me, knowing I was able to be happy with her, even for just a little while. I still think about her a lot.]
theres nothing you can do to stop it. people die, and nobody can change that. i cope by never forgetting about them. i still laugh remembering stories about my grandma, and how mean she was all the time.
never stop remembering the best thing about the person thats gone, and never forget the worst thing.
theres nothing you can do to stop it. people die, and nobody can change that. i cope by never forgetting about them. i still laugh remembering stories about my grandma, and how mean she was all the time.
never stop remembering the best thing about the person thats gone, and never forget the worst thing.
I don't have a lot of experience losing people that are extremely close to me other than an old friend a few months ago. This may not be something you're comfortable with, but I found that talking about old memories with someone else eased the pain a lot.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to add me. If not I wish you the very best.
I don't have a lot of experience losing people that are extremely close to me other than an old friend a few months ago. This may not be something you're comfortable with, but I found that talking about old memories with someone else eased the pain a lot.
If you need someone to talk to feel free to add me. If not I wish you the very best.
Thanks, I was thinking more along the lines of something calming, like Yoga and/or Meditation, but lacking any knowledge on it has me grasping at straws to find good beginner sites via google. Anybody that is experienced in that have any good links to share?
Thanks, I was thinking more along the lines of something calming, like Yoga and/or Meditation, but lacking any knowledge on it has me grasping at straws to find good beginner sites via google. Anybody that is experienced in that have any good links to share?
Death is something that always creeps around me. Virtually all of my male relatives and one of my best friends from college are already dead (oh boy).
It's gotten to the point where I don't really even get that upset about it anymore - it's to be expected. We'll, and everyone we've ever known, all eventually suffer the same fate.
Generally what I do if I'm feeling especially shitty, is sit down, and write out everything that I can remember about said person. Usually it's very stream of conscious-like, so as to attempt to recreate that person as best I could - as if I were attempting to write an actor instructions for a film. But in general that was something I mostly did when I was younger and death was more shocking to me. Generally only 10-20 minutes of that is required to get me back into my usualish mood lol.
Now I just go down to the liquor store, buy 2 40's, and make a day of it. I also tend to repeat that ritual should I remember the day (there are 3-4 folks I remember in such ways). I find not really talking about it and just numbing myself to my emotions is best for me. Video game and booze binge basically lol. Then it'll pass as acceptance creeps in.
My dad died when I was 4 - which pretty much was the end of my childhood and mom never really recovered. All of my male grandparents have died, a grandmother, one of my best friends (a cousin) committed suicide when she was 16, and one of my best friends in college randomly got pneumonia and died shortly after graduation. Each instance has gotten progressively less traumatic - sad in its own way I guess.
Death is something that always creeps around me. Virtually all of my male relatives and one of my best friends from college are already dead (oh boy).
It's gotten to the point where I don't really even get that upset about it anymore - it's to be expected. We'll, and everyone we've ever known, all eventually suffer the same fate.
Generally what I do if I'm feeling especially shitty, is sit down, and write out everything that I can remember about said person. Usually it's very stream of conscious-like, so as to attempt to recreate that person as best I could - as if I were attempting to write an actor instructions for a film. But in general that was something I mostly did when I was younger and death was more shocking to me. Generally only 10-20 minutes of that is required to get me back into my usualish mood lol.
Now I just go down to the liquor store, buy 2 40's, and make a day of it. I also tend to repeat that ritual should I remember the day (there are 3-4 folks I remember in such ways). I find not really talking about it and just numbing myself to my emotions is best for me. Video game and booze binge basically lol. Then it'll pass as acceptance creeps in.
My dad died when I was 4 - which pretty much was the end of my childhood and mom never really recovered. All of my male grandparents have died, a grandmother, one of my best friends (a cousin) committed suicide when she was 16, and one of my best friends in college randomly got pneumonia and died shortly after graduation. Each instance has gotten progressively less traumatic - sad in its own way I guess.
FzeroThanks, I was thinking more along the lines of something calming, like Yoga and/or Meditation, but lacking any knowledge on it has me grasping at straws to find good beginner sites via google. Anybody that is experienced in that have any good links to share?
try reading books. i find books to be really meditative to just sit and read for awhile.
[quote=Fzero]Thanks, I was thinking more along the lines of something calming, like Yoga and/or Meditation, but lacking any knowledge on it has me grasping at straws to find good beginner sites via google. Anybody that is experienced in that have any good links to share?[/quote]
try reading books. i find books to be really meditative to just sit and read for awhile.
Hey FZero,
Really sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I cannot imagine that much loss so quickly.
If you're thinking meditation/yoga/something calming, I might recommend this site (and this post) here.
It's about learning to let go of attachments, something that I have found to be incredibly challenging and also really valuable in my own life.
Hope you can find what you're looking for.
Hey FZero,
Really sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time. I cannot imagine that much loss so quickly.
If you're thinking meditation/yoga/something calming, I might recommend this site (and this post) [url=http://zenhabits.net/loss/]here[/url].
It's about learning to let go of attachments, something that I have found to be incredibly challenging and also really valuable in my own life.
Hope you can find what you're looking for.
hypnosis is pretty cool, I went to a conference where a guy taught self hypnosis. I really struggle to loosen up enough for it to work but when it does, it is an amazing feeling and it completely changes my mindset about life
hypnosis is pretty cool, I went to a conference where a guy taught self hypnosis. I really struggle to loosen up enough for it to work but when it does, it is an amazing feeling and it completely changes my mindset about life