on the topic of suicide: it's hard for people to imagine what goes through someone's mind when they have nothing left. when the barrier between life and death crumbles around you, there is a pain so intense you can't think. your body fights you. i've been on the verge of killing myself before. it feels as though your body is fighting you, like every cell is screaming out against you. your entire being is trying to hold you back. i guess it's the natural instinct to survive. i've seen it happen. i've been so close to killing myself that, while kneeling on the bathroom floor, knife to my throat, i started going into convulsions, and ended up throwing up until my stomach was completely empty. i may not have any hope for myself or advice to give to you, but people should know that suicide isn't easy. it's a battle between your mind and body. people who survive suicide attempts are not weak, they aren't failures, but simply lost a fight in the war against themselves.