SlicerogueI've been dealing with depression for a little over 2 years now. Started towards the end of highschool. I started losing allot of self confidence and started feeling really lonely. I don't get along that well with my family (not that we don't love each other but we aren't super close), I didn't really know what I wanted to do for college so I ended up just doing my general education requirements at the local community college. Didn't have any motivation at all to do anything. I was still working at my job since my sophomore year and I really liked it but I ended up hating it. So much that I'd have to go to the bathroom and cry it out then get back to work. It was a good job too I just lost all motivation. In the off time I got increasingly addicted to gaming. Started spending more and more time. Tf2 was more than just fun, it was an escape. I started abusing alcohol to try and somehow numb the pain I was feeling. I tried making friends but it never really worked out so I'd just go home and play more. My grades started tanking. I started to have suicidal thoughts. I tried to tell my parents about it but they didn't really listen. I ended up going to my college's counseling services. I felt a bit better but its always with different person and never really consistent. At this point I was doing really poorly in school, absolutely hated work, had no friends and was averaging 50-60 hours of tf2 a week. I had gained 80 pounds going from 180 to 260 in a year. I ended up telling my doctor about what I was experienced and he started to give me meds almost immediately. He also explained stuff to my dad. My dad acknowledged that it was an issue but never really approached it well. He treated it like I was afraid of something or that he needed to change something. Kept asking me questions like "what are you afraid of?" There's no real response to that coupled with me not being all too close to my dad made it hard to respond. I kept taking the meds but it didn't really help other than making me wanna eat less. I ended up failing classes. Told my dad I'd like to get a different job and work full time. He seemed OK with it but my mom really wasn't. I kept applying to jobs but no-one really called back. All the while my mom is continually pressuring me to do school. At this point I had quit my job, quit school, still had no friends, was taking meds for depression and escaping to tf2 even more averaging around 80-90 hours a week. Eventually my dad told me to focus on my health. So I started doing that 2 months ago. I've managed to lose 20 pounds but every day my dad says I'm not trying hard enough. I'm trying really hard though. Most days I wake up at 8 and don't eat till 5pm-6pm Before scrims (I'm pst). It just sucks knowing you try hard but you are being constantly told that you aren't. 2 weeks ago I decided I would go to school again and major in computer science. I start taking class again in 2 weeks. I still have suicidal thoughts, no job, no friends. My dad last week saw something on 20/20 about internet addiction and flipped out. Ended up breaking my monitor and stuff. I was able to order a new one, but I'm restricted to 4 hours a day from 6:30-10:30 and I must go to bed at 11 otherwise they are gonna kick me out. (Again in pst so that's 9:30-1:30 est. Just enough for scrims and a pug or 2 after). I'm trying to be optimistic cuz at least I can still play this season but it's been really hard. Hopefully I can turn my life around. I'm still having suicidal thoughts but I'm hoping to lose more weight and get back to school and get my life back on track.
If you've made it this far you are a champ.
I just read the last line, thanks :)