amen

sept 20
Hello tftv today was a much better day which I am happy about, I think the music I listened to yesterday might've added to the more somber vibe so today I listened to a much more upbeat and happy playlist. I woke up around 11:00 which is later than I wanted to wake up but not the worst my first class was English which was only around 15 minutes long because the power went out which was annoying, I have a class right after so it didn't make sense to really do anything in those 30 minutes I had so I sat in a chair and did a bit of work. After that, I went to math where I was distracted by the leaves outside the window because it was windy today. After math, I walked home to grab Tupperware to steal food from the cafeteria. I had some chicken, eggs, and broccoli and stole pasta and reeses puffs to go. Once I got home I took a shower and slept on my floor for around an hour. I think I need to stop doing that as much because it wastes a lot of time but it helps prevent some brain paralysis that I feel. After that I went to Whole Foods and grabbed a yerbe mate, I got the lemon one today which wasn't as good as orange but still lovely. The main thing I worked on today was my English paper where I wrote about how I learned to read and write which I wasn't super excited about but it turned out to be pretty good. I talked about past teachers and my grandma who helped me learn how to write differently. Its strange to think about how you arent just born with the skills to read and write its something that develops over time. After that I played pool with my friend for about 45 minutes before hopping onto Discord to do math and pub with people from the bungalow discord (Cosmic Crisp). Not scrimming today was very refreshing and honestly I kind of don't want to play this season but I also don't want the team to die and I like playing it just takes up a lot of time so idrk what to do. (lmk if you want to play adv roamer) Also, I asked the girl Im talking to on a date tomorrow so I will let everyone know how it goes. I'm nervous but at the same time we're homies so I'm not super nervous. also yesterday I forgot to mention it but I finally realised Im beating the skinny white boy allegations and have some sort of a bicep which Im proud about and I'm thinking about going to the actual gym more often instead of just climbing every other day.

also this is what I listened to today
https://open.spotify.com/album/2IzUZlhtBvPQYs74KeG6fb?si=567yO0SYRxCLfSvWhE6yFA
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1Nozo2Pce7nAp3Mg4NJTpt?si=f559545d12d14d8a
https://open.spotify.com/album/00R4y0gymycDUv9IVY7VvO?si=lSHDTWlbSvyuFvKD-5cO9w
this is what I listened to yesterday
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7vViMdm91YFZvQE7qH5ObC?si=211df6ca997b4c86
https://open.spotify.com/album/1ATQgrA4iw4PUmiSTJQxIs?si=iaR4uIl5QhqD8VW388Hc8g
https://open.spotify.com/album/2S3289mypNw2zP0OpFexMb?si=FGzX9_sqRdSbvYJPnsIX-Q

yeah I unironically think tf2 has made making new friends a lot harder which sucks.

sept 19
HI, tftv today kind of sucked. Nothing bad actually happened today it just had a very depressing tone to it. Usually, my seasonal depression starts in January/February but today felt like one of those days. I don't know if it was just an off day or if it will keep spiraling, I started off today by going to my environmental science class. I did all my work and it was a fine day but when I got home I just felt defeated and strange. I laid on my floor and listened to Mitch Headburg shows for about 2 hours which reminded me of my dad, and fell asleep for another hour and a half. At around 6 I left to get food from the dining hall and go to my class. I had a quiz that I think I did fine on but I need to study more for the next one and looked at some art from the Gothic period. I got home at around 9:30 and got on my computer to play scrims. I felt like I played fine but nothing was really coming together which sucked. After scrims, I didn't really do anything I just sat there and thought about how I miss my dog and I miss friends. I think I am a social person but I don't really know how to socialize well and get deeper friendships, so I am stuck in a state of limbo where I can't really go to anyone despite every saying to talk to them which sucks because I feel like Im stuck in a loop of thinking it is what it is. I know tomorrow my mood will probably be entirely different and I'll be fine but the idea of it not changing is stressful and I know I'm just overthinking.
Good night tftv hope everyone is well. <3

You are my evil twin

thanks rgl for killing my team by forcibly moving us to advance with the excuse of saving advance........
so ironic that the div still has the same amount of teams and now main has less teams

Sept 18
Hello team fortress television I am here with another diary entry. Today was Monday so back to the grind (I don't think I can use emojis but I would here also its probably not correct to use emojis in a diary) I woke up early today around 8:30 to go climbing before class which I was very excited about. I did one 4-5 that I wasn't able to do last time which I was excited about. I have about 3-4 climbs which I do as warmups at my gym so I did that before the green 4-5.* The other boulder I wanted to do was a red 4-5 where I needed to step on a slab and stand up on it, The problem with this one is the hold is new and very textuary so whenever my foot slipped (it slipped like 5 times) it would shred my skin on my leg.* I had to quit because of the pain but I went to another side of the gym to work on a long 3-4 that I can't get because I get too tired. I got further than before but I can't go from vertical to horizontal on it and my leg was hurting really bad so I left. I was only there for about an hour and a half which is kind of sad but I made it work. Before coming home I walked around the building the gym is in, its an office park in an underground cave but it looks really scary and empty. After coming home I showered and read my textbook for English. My suitmate has her boyfriend in town for the weekend so Im there 3rd wheel for the weekend so we got lunch at Whole Foods. I just had a banana because its like 30 cents max (I forgot the actual price). I went to english after words which is fun. The girl I have a lil crush on complimented the fit today which made me happy and I watched her play papas Milkshakearia while trying to pay attention in class. I could not focus today in school I think waking up early affects my ability to concentrate too much so I need to sleep more. After English I went to math I listened to music and half paid attention because we went over something I know already and drew in my notebook.* I was so tired after class that I went home and slept from around 3:30 till around 8:00 right before scrims. Scrims started out great sultry felt great but gully felt really tough I don't know what to do on last holds and feel like I'm never in a good place to do damage and stop point. Bagel felt impossible I started feeding and everything I did felt like I was alone and I didn't know why. I will probably look at it tmrw but also it might've just been the mental after gully. After that I looked at Instagram and messaged my friends which was very nice. I realized I forgot to do my environmental science lab mid doing that so I just finished that after eating some vegan pork rinds and a coke 0. Overall today started out great but just slipped away at the end. I was supposed to do more work in the afternoon but nap time was calling my name too loudly.

I took pictures today so that's what the * are Im going to try and take more photos to share with you guys

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1153584335014858842/1153584436579942440/PXL_20230918_143345656.jpg?width=746&height=994

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1153584335014858842/1153584436164706324/PXL_20230919_065151241.jpg?width=1324&height=994

https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1153584335014858842/1153588355800502302/Screenshot_2023-09-19_at_2.08.02_AM.png?width=1396&height=756

Sept 17
Almost forgot today but I'm here. Today was pretty chill I woke up around noon and worked on some homework and drank coffee for a couple hours which I was happy with, after that I walked 30 minutes to a thrift store and got a pair of jeans and 2 shirts. One of which was a girl shirt which I'm super happy about because I love that brand I didn't even realize till I got home. The jeans also stack super well with my shoes and I've been looking for some like that for awhile. When I got home I ate some cereal I finished my cashews and cranberries yesterday so I was pretty hungry. Scrims went pretty well today I think I played a bit better than average and compared to Thursday it was night and day for the team. After that I finished a assignment I forgot to do earlier then joined the bungalow discord to see math burn a bridge. At around 12:30 I got off to eat vegan pork rinds and honey on my floor then was about to fall asleep when I remembered this

pull him out the mud

Sept 16
today was insane. the first time I woke up was because of a nightmare around 9 am The dream was about me and my classmate in English going into an abandoned house and having to fight off a skunk, panther, and a fox. The abandoned house wasn't fully abandoned though it had a dentist in there who would like to clean their teeth and make them healthy again so we would keep fighting the same 3 animals but they wouldn't stop attacking us. there were also spiral staircases everywhere and it was super confusing. Also, she and I had these gallon squares full of Hi-C with crazy straws attached that we drank the whole time. After that, I texted her the full dream and fell asleep again. I am 100% sure I wouldn't remember that if I didn't write it out so I'm glad I did. I woke up for real around 5:30 pm which is actually disastrous I slept through golfing today which we probably would've cancelled because of the rain but still sad. I went climbing as soon as I woke up which was nice. They set a new wall which I did 2 4-5s on and the other 2-3s on. The 6-7 was too hard so I didn't finish it. When I went there though I was still half asleep and I was jumpscared by my friend who I used to play CSGO with in middle school which was nice. he's better than me which is very helpful because I think that makes me want to keep up with him so I flashed a few 4-5s I couldn't do on other days. After that, I went to the gas station to get passion fruit tea and spicy chicken taquitos which were alright the tea was excellent though. When I got there the first time though I realized I dropped my wallet outside of the gym so I had to drive back to get that. After the sesh I drove home and played a jump map and messaged Davyc in Tempus chat which was enjoyable I wish Davy wasn't living in Japan so I could play with him more because I love him but at the same time I'm glad he's progressing in life. After that I decided to write this early I don't think anything else is happening today but if something does Ill keep you guys updated.

I think I have fine straight dry hair.

Sept 15
Hi people and friends of tftv today was a pretty good Friday I woke up today around 9:30 because I was going to mge Raven at 10. I did the thing I've been trying to do less of being on my phone as soon as I wake up so for the first 30 minutes of the day I did that which was brain-numbing but after that I got onto my computer to play games. I played for about an hour until 11, when i showered and got ready for my day. I did a preclass discussion during that time too which was very easy. My first class is at 1 but I had have my parking pass printed today so I went to the library early to use the printer. While I was printing I kept sending it too a printer I couldnt find so I had to ask the librarian where it was which was kinda funny. The printer was like hinding on the other side of the library away from the other ones so it made sense I couldnt find it. After that I went to my english class which was boring we had class in the library about how to use the libraries website which felt like a waste of time. Math we started a new unit because after our exam but I spaced most of it out because today my eyes felt strange and depresserized. Below my math class is an einstien bagels so I went there but fridays they close right as my math ends so the workers gave me 2 free bagels they wouldve thrown out which is awesome. When I got home I had to let my suitmates boyfriend into her room because she had class so i showed hiim cs2 because he doesnt have the beta. I had some cashews honey and cranberries for dinner again and after my dad picked me up to go get my car which was awesome. I went home and saw my dogs

Bowie was awesome and I chased him around my backyard for a good 30 minutes. before taking my car back to campus. when I got back I went on a walk to a park with some friends and smoke some wizzard weed which was enjoyable untill the blunt made me go nonverbal and not talk the rest of the night. I think the risk of going nonverbal outways the highs of having a good time. At this point for me its a 50/50 weather I go nonverbal so I might stop smoking with other people. After that I went to my room and showered then i fell asleep on my floor for about an hour then wrote this which was a pretty cmoplete day.
I did make a goal today, I want to eat more carrots I think that having more orange skin would look funny and its only super noticable if I tell people about it.
ty for reading

Probably, I think it might be using to much too, also idk what conditioner I need so I will research that

also another thought after writing. does anyone else not like full-screening applications, I don't like typing on a full screen or watching youtube without being able to see my background. I have games full screened but everything else has some sort of a border around it

Sept 14 2023
Very chill day today Thursday I didn't have class so I woke up around noon which didn't feel the greatest, whenever I wake up late I always feel lazy and it ruins my day but I was able to salvage it. The first thing I did was shower and today was shampoo day which means I have to style it. I notice that when I shampoo my hair goes really flat and doesn't look the greatest so I only shampoo once every week, The style today was very good it was fluffy throughout when I syle it sometimes I can only get part of it to be fluffy but I beat the hair today. After the shower around 1:00, I walked to the plugs house which is about a 30-minute walk there and back. The neighborhood I walked through was very pretty It had old brick buildings and this one had a statue garden which I looked at for a few minutes. I also found a community garden which I want to go back to at a different time. At the plugs house he showed me some of the plants he was growing I think there were some ferns and a few pretty vines. I've known about trumpet vine for a bit and it's one of my favorite plants but his backyard had some so I examined them for a while. the walk home felt quicker than the walk there and I saw someone with a golden doodle so I petted their dog (I forgot his name). After that, I went climbing the group today was supposed to be 8 people because my friend has a bit where he invites everyone he talks to to come with us but 4 people bailed last minute which I was fairly happy about. I climbed for probably 2 hours then I went home. After climbing I scrolled Instagram and texted some friends I hadn't talked to in a while. recently I've been wanting to reconnect and keep in contact with people who I have drifted away from and it's nice to keep up and hear from them. Around 7:30 I went and thought about buying food but I didn't want to spend 10 dollars so I went home and ate cashews, honey, and cranberries. after the snack, I got on my PC to get ready for scrims but Raven can't find scrims because "everyone has weeklies" so I mged him for about an hour then talked to Loafe and Erik about cars, hats, and football. After that, I remembered I had to write this.
please scrim Miku Conglomerate it would be much appreciated.