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Setting up a "secret admirer" gift.
posted in Off Topic
1
#1
2 Frags +

OK - so there's this girl who's been a dear childhood friend, and since graduating from university we've been hanging out for drinks/movies on Friday nights. We really enjoy each other's company, and the cute thing is that we think very much alike (which is amazing since we weren't around each other for 5-6 years). The hard part now is that I'm starting to fall in love with a childhood friend (and one I can't afford to lose), and I'm curious to see if a relationship would work out between us.

Anyhow, I'm a closeted romantic and I'd like to set up a "secret admirer" game to try to capture her heart. What I'm wondering is this: If I start things out with a gift of flowers and poetry, how should I go about doing this? Should I hand deliver while she's out of the house? Should UPS bring it? What flowers would you guys suggest?

I have no experience with being a "secret admirer", so I could use some help.

OK - so there's this girl who's been a dear childhood friend, and since graduating from university we've been hanging out for drinks/movies on Friday nights. We really enjoy each other's company, and the cute thing is that we think very much alike (which is amazing since we weren't around each other for 5-6 years). The hard part now is that I'm starting to fall in love with a childhood friend (and one I can't afford to lose), and I'm curious to see if a relationship would work out between us.

Anyhow, I'm a closeted romantic and I'd like to set up a "secret admirer" game to try to capture her heart. What I'm wondering is this: If I start things out with a gift of flowers and poetry, how should I go about doing this? Should I hand deliver while she's out of the house? Should UPS bring it? What flowers would you guys suggest?

I have no experience with being a "secret admirer", so I could use some help.
2
#2
11 Frags +

That stuff is "cute" but it kind of shows that you're really insecure about it because you don't want to tell her exactly how you feel off the bat. If you're insecure about it...she will be too and probably won't go for it. She hangs out with you all the time so she already likes you, just get more flirty and make a move.

That stuff is "cute" but it kind of shows that you're really insecure about it because you don't want to tell her exactly how you feel off the bat. If you're insecure about it...she will be too and probably won't go for it. She hangs out with you all the time so she already likes you, just get more flirty and make a move.
3
#3
0 Frags +

Have flowers sent to her workplace if applicable. Also giant teddy bears are awesome.

Have flowers sent to her workplace if applicable. Also giant teddy bears are awesome.
4
#4
0 Frags +

It might be a good idea to just talk to her about how you feel.

It might be a good idea to just talk to her about how you feel.
5
#5
1 Frags +

I just don't want to ruin our lifelong friendship. It isn't too often that you meet people that you actually "click" with (regardless of gender), so I don't want to pull her close and make HER the insecure or scared one. She's the closest thing to a "soulmate" that I'll ever get.

It's weird, when I saw her the first time after graduation I saw that she was still in her old HS beater of a car and I thought "if I ever fall in love you I'd move mountains to give you the world (and a new car)". It's probably dangerous to get involved with someone that you'd give yourself up for so easily - but I trust her (or is that my heart speaking).

...or maybe that's a good thing. I don't know.

I just don't want to ruin our lifelong friendship. It isn't too often that you meet people that you actually "click" with (regardless of gender), so I don't want to pull her close and make HER the insecure or scared one. She's the closest thing to a "soulmate" that I'll ever get.

It's weird, when I saw her the first time after graduation I saw that she was still in her old HS beater of a car and I thought "if I ever fall in love you I'd move mountains to give you the world (and a new car)". It's probably dangerous to get involved with someone that you'd give yourself up for so easily - but I trust her (or is that my heart speaking).

...or maybe that's a good thing. I don't know.
6
#6
0 Frags +
She's the closest thing to a "soulmate" that I'll ever get.

That's a bit of a stretch. The way I see it is you really like this girl and even if you send her gifts anonymously you'll eventually have to tell her it's you. These gifts might backfire as well, like plat said it'll show insecurity and it could put some distance between the two of you if she doesnt take it the way you want her to. I'd say your best bet is letting her know that you have feelings for her and see what she says, even if she says she likes you only as a friend it doesnt mean game over.

[quote]She's the closest thing to a "soulmate" that I'll ever get.[/quote]

That's a bit of a stretch. The way I see it is you really like this girl and even if you send her gifts anonymously you'll eventually have to tell her it's you. These gifts might backfire as well, like plat said it'll show insecurity and it could put some distance between the two of you if she doesnt take it the way you want her to. I'd say your best bet is letting her know that you have feelings for her and see what she says, even if she says she likes you only as a friend it doesnt mean game over.
7
#7
0 Frags +
zephyrShe's the closest thing to a "soulmate" that I'll ever get.
That's a bit of a stretch. The way I see it is you really like this girl and even if you send her gifts anonymously you'll eventually have to tell her it's you. These gifts might backfire as well, like plat said it'll show insecurity and it could put some distance between the two of you if she doesnt take it the way you want her to. I'd say your best bet is letting her know that you have feelings for her and see what she says, even if she says she likes you only as a friend it doesnt mean game over.

I am completely insecure about this, to be honest.

I know what might work - I'll have roses delivered to her front door before we see each other next. Then, I'll wear a pin of a rose that matches the color of the roses that were sent on my jacket/shirt/vest when we next go out. She'll notice it when I walk up to her that evening - one thing I've learned about girls is that they notice these things - and if she doesn't then I guess the next best option would be to sack up and bleed my heart out over a nice dinner.

How does that sound? It sends a silent - but clear - message to her.

[quote=zephyr][quote]She's the closest thing to a "soulmate" that I'll ever get.[/quote]

That's a bit of a stretch. The way I see it is you really like this girl and even if you send her gifts anonymously you'll eventually have to tell her it's you. These gifts might backfire as well, like plat said it'll show insecurity and it could put some distance between the two of you if she doesnt take it the way you want her to. I'd say your best bet is letting her know that you have feelings for her and see what she says, even if she says she likes you only as a friend it doesnt mean game over.[/quote]

I am completely insecure about this, to be honest.

I know what might work - I'll have roses delivered to her front door before we see each other next. Then, I'll wear a pin of a rose that matches the color of the roses that were sent on my jacket/shirt/vest when we next go out. She'll notice it when I walk up to her that evening - one thing I've learned about girls is that they notice these things - and if she doesn't then I guess the next best option would be to sack up and bleed my heart out over a nice dinner.

How does that sound? It sends a silent - but clear - message to her.
8
#8
1 Frags +

I still think you should just talk about it.

I still think you should just talk about it.
9
#9
8 Frags +

i suggest you talk to stultus

i suggest you talk to stultus
10
#10
9 Frags +

ok here's the issue, she may think in her head that the guy doing this is some dude she's either had her eye on or some guy who's recently hit on her. So she may build all this up for someone else and then be a bit disappointed when her good friend ends up being the one. I'm not saying she doesn't want a relationship, but you may cause her to start crushing hard on some other dude.

I would suggest sending her flowers at work with your name on them and ask her to think of a place she'd like to go out to eat for dinner or if she'd like you to decide. This will get her thinking, ok is this a date? And that's your opener, she has to reply because you asked her to pick a place or tell you to pick one. Talking to her the first time after breaking this news is always going to be awkward, no matter how you set it up. Unless you have her running to the end of a pier after you sailing away on a boat, it's not going to happen easily.

So then you just gotta tell her straight up when you talk to her in the follow up call. Tell her you want to ask her on a date because you think she's the best girl you know, ever known even. Be cheesy, it goes FAR.

Now, I would never go through all this for a girl, I would just flirt with her straight up and tell her I think she's the beeznees.

And if it doesn't work out, trust me, there's a zillion soul mates out there for you.

ok here's the issue, she may think in her head that the guy doing this is some dude she's either had her eye on or some guy who's recently hit on her. So she may build all this up for someone else and then be a bit disappointed when her good friend ends up being the one. I'm not saying she doesn't want a relationship, but you may cause her to start crushing hard on some other dude.

I would suggest sending her flowers at work with your name on them and ask her to think of a place she'd like to go out to eat for dinner or if she'd like you to decide. This will get her thinking, ok is this a date? And that's your opener, she has to reply because you asked her to pick a place or tell you to pick one. Talking to her the first time after breaking this news is always going to be awkward, no matter how you set it up. Unless you have her running to the end of a pier after you sailing away on a boat, it's not going to happen easily.

So then you just gotta tell her straight up when you talk to her in the follow up call. Tell her you want to ask her on a date because you think she's the best girl you know, ever known even. Be cheesy, it goes FAR.

Now, I would never go through all this for a girl, I would just flirt with her straight up and tell her I think she's the beeznees.

And if it doesn't work out, trust me, there's a zillion soul mates out there for you.
11
#11
0 Frags +

kuza comes to the rescue

kuza comes to the rescue
12
#12
3 Frags +

oh, and you NEED to be confident. Not egotistical, just confident. It's funny how illogical girls can be yet they can smell fear and desperation a mile away...

oh, and you NEED to be confident. Not egotistical, just confident. It's funny how illogical girls can be yet they can smell fear and desperation a mile away...
13
#13
2 Frags +
kuzaok here's the issue, she may think in her head that the guy doing this is some dude she's either had her eye on or some guy who's recently hit on her. So she may build all this up for someone else and then be a bit disappointed when her good friend ends up being the one. I'm not saying she doesn't want a relationship, but you may cause her to start crushing hard on some other dude.

You just talked me out of it - I wasn't considering unintended consequences.

[quote=kuza]ok here's the issue, she may think in her head that the guy doing this is some dude she's either had her eye on or some guy who's recently hit on her. So she may build all this up for someone else and then be a bit disappointed when her good friend ends up being the one. I'm not saying she doesn't want a relationship, but you may cause her to start crushing hard on some other dude.
[/quote]

You just talked me out of it - I wasn't considering unintended consequences.
14
#14
7 Frags +
radiumI am completely insecure about this, to be honest.

I know what might work - I'll have roses delivered to her front door before we see each other next. Then, I'll wear a pin of a rose that matches the color of the roses that were sent on my jacket/shirt/vest when we next go out. She'll notice it when I walk up to her that evening - one thing I've learned about girls is that they notice these things - and if she doesn't then I guess the next best option would be to sack up and bleed my heart out over a nice dinner.

How does that sound? It sends a silent - but clear - message to her.

Hey. Fellow closet romantic. I'm currently engaged to my best female friend after 4 post HS years of not talking to her.

When I wanted to make it really obvious that I wanted a relationship with my lady, I sent her a package (she was in another state at the time). I spent a month filling it with all kinds of things that showed I listened to her, knew what she liked, and cared. Her favorite cereal was Captain Crunch: Oops all Berries. Well they don't sell it anymore (at least not in stores we know of). So I went and bought 5 of the biggest crunch berries boxes I could find and manually took out all the berries and put them in one box. Then I went online and printed out pictures of the Oops all Berries box, and taped it on the crunchberries box.

In this box I included a letter that made my desires very clear. I told her that I sent this as a friend, and I hoped she liked everything, but yes, I also sent it because I care about her more than a friend.
3 months later I asked her out in person, and 2 years dating later we're getting married.

Anyway, thought you might like the story.
I think the plan I quoted is weird. If you're going to be that obvious about it, be obvious. And put some thought into it. Don't just send her some flowers. Put some of 'you' into however you tell her, or whatever you give her. But don't go too hard. Leave room to have her as a friend if she's not interested.

But really you should know if she's interested or not. You really should. Don't second guess yourself, but also don't see things that aren't there. You should know.

[quote=radium]
I am completely insecure about this, to be honest.

I know what might work - I'll have roses delivered to her front door before we see each other next. Then, I'll wear a pin of a rose that matches the color of the roses that were sent on my jacket/shirt/vest when we next go out. She'll notice it when I walk up to her that evening - one thing I've learned about girls is that they notice these things - and if she doesn't then I guess the next best option would be to sack up and bleed my heart out over a nice dinner.

How does that sound? It sends a silent - but clear - message to her.[/quote]

Hey. Fellow closet romantic. I'm currently engaged to my best female friend after 4 post HS years of not talking to her.

When I wanted to make it really obvious that I wanted a relationship with my lady, I sent her a package (she was in another state at the time). I spent a month filling it with all kinds of things that showed I listened to her, knew what she liked, and cared. Her favorite cereal was Captain Crunch: Oops all Berries. Well they don't sell it anymore (at least not in stores we know of). So I went and bought 5 of the biggest crunch berries boxes I could find and manually took out all the berries and put them in one box. Then I went online and printed out pictures of the Oops all Berries box, and taped it on the crunchberries box.

In this box I included a letter that made my desires very clear. I told her that I sent this as a friend, and I hoped she liked everything, but yes, I also sent it because I care about her more than a friend.
3 months later I asked her out in person, and 2 years dating later we're getting married.


Anyway, thought you might like the story.
I think the plan I quoted is weird. If you're going to be that obvious about it, be obvious. And put some thought into it. Don't just send her some flowers. Put some of 'you' into however you tell her, or whatever you give her. But don't go too hard. Leave room to have her as a friend if she's not interested.

But really you should know if she's interested or not. You really should. Don't second guess yourself, but also don't see things that aren't there. You should know.
15
#15
3 Frags +

http://100hourman.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/aww-face.jpg

[img]http://100hourman.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/aww-face.jpg[/img]
16
#16
0 Frags +

#14 holy shit

Just do what he did. Give her some stuff with personal significance--something that you really thought about and put effort into means a lot more than just flowers. Flowers are nice, but everyone does that and it's not very personal. I think it would be best if she knew it was from you from the start. Then you could do what kuza suggested, or just write everything in a letter with the gift. I guess some people think you should always say stuff like that in person, but to me, I think it might make it less awkward for both of you, and she would have time to really think about what she wants.

#14 holy shit

Just do what he did. Give her some stuff with personal significance--something that you really thought about and put effort into means a lot more than just flowers. Flowers are nice, but everyone does that and it's not very personal. I think it would be best if she knew it was from you from the start. Then you could do what kuza suggested, or just write everything in a letter with the gift. I guess some people think you should always say stuff like that in person, but to me, I think it might make it less awkward for both of you, and she would have time to really think about what she wants.
17
#17
-7 Frags +

Give her your dick in a box, can't believe no one suggested this yet.

http://www.mediocreminds.com/files/images/music/dick_in_a_box/dick_in_a_box.png

Give her your dick in a box, can't believe no one suggested this yet.

[IMG]http://www.mediocreminds.com/files/images/music/dick_in_a_box/dick_in_a_box.png[/IMG]
18
#18
0 Frags +

tell her about how wu-tang financial went 8-8 in open this season

tell her about how wu-tang financial went 8-8 in open this season
19
#19
2 Frags +
justus_1DeaGCHaMPtell her about how wu-tang financial went 8-8 in open this season

http://play.esea.net/teams/61245

We went 9-7, and we still have to play a 17th game. Not that it changes anything, though.

[quote=justus_1DeaGCHaMP]tell her about how wu-tang financial went 8-8 in open this season[/quote]
http://play.esea.net/teams/61245

We went 9-7, and we still have to play a 17th game. Not that it changes anything, though.
20
#20
4 Frags +

i thought it was another stultus thread :(

i thought it was another stultus thread :(
21
#21
1 Frags +

Here's the thing with crushing on a friend

It is impossible to be more than friends without risking the friendship

You either have to go for it or give up on it, there's no magic middle ground where you can kinda sorta hint at it and if she's not interested then she can ignore it and you'll continue being friends.

If she does like you she probably feels similarly where she doesnt want to risk the friendship, which means that if you only hint at it she is going to be unsure whether you're serious, and she may decide not to take it seriously just because she doesnt want to fuck up your friendship, and then you won't know if she acted that way because she doesnt like you or because she is also insecure ETC ETC

You either have to decide it's worth the risk and clearly/confidently make your intentions known and put yourself out there, or give up an find a way to get over your feelings for her so you can really be platonic friends.

One thing I will say is that you need to do one or the other, don't keep being friends while you have feelings and hope they'll just go away because that shit will eat away at your soul. You need to take steps to get past the feelings or act on them.

Here's the thing with crushing on a friend

It is impossible to be more than friends without risking the friendship

You either have to go for it or give up on it, there's no magic middle ground where you can kinda sorta hint at it and if she's not interested then she can ignore it and you'll continue being friends.

If she does like you she probably feels similarly where she doesnt want to risk the friendship, which means that if you only hint at it she is going to be unsure whether you're serious, and she may decide not to take it seriously just because she doesnt want to fuck up your friendship, and then you won't know if she acted that way because she doesnt like you or because she is also insecure ETC ETC

You either have to decide it's worth the risk and clearly/confidently make your intentions known and put yourself out there, or give up an find a way to get over your feelings for her so you can really be platonic friends.

One thing I will say is that you need to do one or the other, don't keep being friends while you have feelings and hope they'll just go away because that shit will eat away at your soul. You need to take steps to get past the feelings or act on them.
22
#22
9 Frags +

mge any male competitors to establish dominance in her eyes

mge any male competitors to establish dominance in her eyes
23
#23
3 Frags +

I know ukm didn't want to be bias and push you into one or the other but I will. :)

Unless this friend is providing you with other girls to hook up with, you can always get another friend.

If you don't go for it, then think about when she get's a solid boyfriend you're stuck pining over her daily watching this guy smooch and paw at her right in front of you. You won't want to be around what that starts and it's only a matter of time before she gets hooked up with someone else.

I know ukm didn't want to be bias and push you into one or the other but I will. :)

Unless this friend is providing you with other girls to hook up with, you can always get another friend.

If you don't go for it, then think about when she get's a solid boyfriend you're stuck pining over her daily watching this guy smooch and paw at her right in front of you. You won't want to be around what that starts and it's only a matter of time before she gets hooked up with someone else.
24
#24
1 Frags +

If you don't pursue it you will always kick yourself and wonder "what if." It is also very possible to still be close friends with someone after a relationship. So go for it.

If you don't pursue it you will always kick yourself and wonder "what if." It is also very possible to still be close friends with someone after a relationship. So go for it.
25
#25
-1 Frags +

Look at her steam account right below her gameplay stats you can see her wishlist. Just gift her the #1 game there and you're set.

Look at her steam account right below her gameplay stats you can see her wishlist. Just gift her the #1 game there and you're set.
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