when i stopped playing competitive TF2 around a year ago, everything initially just crumbled. i wasn't in the best state when it came to my identity, i lost most contacts around the same time, i had manic/depressive episodes, my college course was fucked, i couldn't keep my job so i couldn't rectify my college or my dorm room so i had to move back in with my parents.
got some professional help in the meantime, and while i'm still not completely sorted out, i at least know who i am personally now. got ADs prescribed which started kicking in about a week ago (took way too long to get them because i don't have balls), so i'm not constantly dragging my mind through the darkness anymore and i got accepted for a traineeship so i can actually continue my study while having a job at the same time.
however, the one thing that really got me sorting myself out is getting in a relation. i've been in absolutely horrible ones before, and this one when we started, everything just stayed the same except we have each other now. i can't really describe it, with other relations sure i felt attracted but the emotional happiness i get from being with her is just inexplicable. we've been together for nearly 10 months now, and it's just been such a positive influence on my life.
oh yeah i also went down from 105 to 90 kilos in about 2,5 months which is absolutely wonderful. still not my goal of 80 but with this speed i'll be there in another 2 months