Magikarp2. People who have lots of experience play captain and choose their friends, usually making it a roll.
This isn't the captain who picks his friends fault, its the other captain's fault. When picking in a captain pug, you're supposed to pick the best team you can -- you aren't supposed to not pick, or fatkid good players just to ensure a good pug. I don't see this as a problem in which the captain picking his friends is at fault, so long as the friends picked are ACTUALLY deserving of being picked.
kirbySolution to #3 = Remove the scramble feature. I'm not saying this just because you brought it up as a problem. It's been a problem since it's ever been a thing. Let's say the entire team of one side is 2 times better than the entire other team. A game that would end in ~10 minutes or less. 3 people scramble and then the teams scramble. What would you say the odds are of there being teams that are fair? Likely but not too likely.
So normal pugs should just be bad if the bot randomly picks bad teams? Seems kind of stupid to me. Scrambling frequently changes nothing, the method to scrambling should be reworked, so that teams are actually different every time a scramble succeeds. Removing scrambling altogether would just have a lot of people unhappy a lot of the time as opposed to having a lot of people happy a lot of the time, or (more likely), having most people happy some/most of the time.