the most and hardest ive ever truly cared to improve in this game for myself is long after the dream of grinding it out with the boys and climbing divs has been squashed by life being lived. I almost distinctly remember one of my first mentors for pyro sayin some shit about he had a bad day at work and playing was fun, couldnt understand it since how could you have fun at something youre supposed to win at? Older than he was at the time, almost 14 years ago now. i feel fucking cheesy for posting this but maybe its just time to accept ts for what it is and I have to move on or move with it n make new friends and play with new people. Got an appt on friday for something related to mental, frankly i dont remember what its actually for. Never done it before, kinda scared kinda excited. Definitely worried that if i find out what i need to focus on I'll snap out of this... life? and leave it behind like the rest of the guys did. Hope we win clearcut on thursday to brighten the mindset going into it.