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SteamID32 STEAM_0:0:19617664
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Signed Up October 8, 2012
Last Posted September 1, 2020 at 4:19 PM
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#18 My confessions in TF2 General Discussion

I should also take this opportunity to apologise to paddie for being toxic.

Congratulations on your great tf2 career. You worked hard to be one of the best players in the world and it paid off. You're invite and I'm in a mental hospital. You definitely win our rivalry. Not that it was much of one as you've always been better than me. :)

posted about a year ago
#16 My confessions in TF2 General Discussion

That's part of being autistic.

It's hard for me to understand what's appropriate to do or act.

It used to be a lot harder.

Everyone talks like that in their teams mumble, but rightfully refrain outside of it. I didn't understand this. I didn't understand that it would sound rude, deluded and dickish outside our mumble.

So I guess I can take this opportunity to apologise to rays, but more importantlyi thank him profusely because back in the day he gave me some advice on dealing with chronic illness that made it severely less painful. That's some real world good right there that can never be repaid thanks to a video game

I owe you one rays.

posted about a year ago
#2 My confessions in TF2 General Discussion

What worked the best though, was the fact that we had 2 noshows the previous week, and used that week to scrim viaduct. They thought they were so much better they stopped scrimming it after their first match on the map, assuming they would roll us. We prepared more. This is partly because of how often they insulted me, even before they left. I couldn’t bear to lose to them. Our strategy worked wonders. We were up 2-0 when nerves got to me, my hands were shaking, and I was breathing heavily and making dumb decisions. I stopped switching up my hiding places, as I had been doing to prevent bombs, and we lost 3 rounds in a row because of it. I was shaking so much, at half time we all agreed that the only change we should make was to calm me the fuck down. I switched my music from avenged sevenfold to motion city soundtrack and calmed the fuck down. I just told myself what is now my new motto for playing medic “Just relax and love your team, provide them heals while they provide you protection.” I just focused on healing who came to me, and jamming out. We won. Afterward we watched their streamed vod and found paddie saying that we would change something and wondered what it was. He commanded they tell him what it was when they found it. If only he knew that it was just music XD.

I tried to get sal to cast the match as a final insult, but he didn’t like my talk about how it was basically revenge and I think he removed me when I told him their team and mine were not quite friends. I’m not sure I remember it that well.

Also, the gunrunners, I was a backup of the gR for awhile before I got to scrim as the main medic, and I dropped the critical uber and lost us the entire game, and I’m not being dramatic. I failed. Afterwards I tried to talk people into letting me on the team fulltime, even begging them to make the decision before the captain was back from holiday by mutiny. Yes, I was desperate.

How can I forget my original crime? When my dad played TFC, (He got me into TF2) he was in some clans and got hacked. He ordered me that if I should ever leave the clan I was in (I was known as genoster the medic in “Teamwin”) I should fake my own death so no one hacked us. So I did. Noone believed us until I found a picture of him sitting in my chair holding a sign that said “Eat shit” I posted it. This confused them, but they accepted it as proof I died. Then I removed everyone and went on to change my name and join FFA (Free frag arena) and split my time between playing on the furry pound, or FFA.

This is how I got into comp as my friends all joined to create the team “Geek squad.” Led by captain “Old Man Geekin,” who chose me as both a backup and a secondary captain. When we lost his first match he went into video game rehab. Leaving me to run the team. Running a HL team made of people who only play arena was like being aboard an old boat with many holes in it trying to bucket the water out of the ship as it rains. I cut a lot of people, and I regret every one of them but, and heres where I really screwed up, I had good scrim partners in the form of a platinum mentor team, “BRB.U” Yes, the same community I betrayed. We eventually beat them once, in our scrims, but they stopped scrimming us when I posted the trainwreck picture.

I also posted publically that you should never scrim our sister team, SAFF, because they took two hours to get ready to scrim us once. I should have been more forgiving, I’d done the same thing myself.

Also I did a bit of connivingness. I wanted the gR medic (Haiku) to play 6s with, and knew he would only join if his demoman (ubiquitous did, so I hired them both, and knew that eventually the demo would leave for HL or lag or something, and the medic stayed. Also I had picked up an old friend on soldier, and we scrimmed for awhile, but eventually I got sick of the attitude of our pocket, and cut him. Then I cut the medic and swapped to medic, not because he did a bad job, but I was self-conscious about my scouting. By the time a match rolled around I had been MGEing for 8 hours and my arms were exhausted. I switched to medic and picked up a scout. Then I got sick of being insulted by the demoman, (The same original demoman I scrimmed with erringly,) and cut him to play demo, (I had a huge ego and thought I could practice 8 hours a day and be beast at every class) Then I went back to medic and picked up a new demo. After all the cuts we were the worst team in open, and before the season started we could have been high open, and it’s all my fault.

This has been my confessions. I thought that if I posted it here, it might illuminate some of my mistakes, and encourage you all not to make them either.

Many of these people have left TF2, but I’d still like to take this chance to apologize to those still here.

I should not have done what I’ve done, but I can’t change the past. (Which doesn't make me feel any better ;) )

I’m sorry.

posted about a year ago
#1 My confessions in TF2 General Discussion

My confessions:

These are things I'd like to get off my chest. They are all ancient history, but may still be a good story and a cautionary tale of what to avoid.

I’d like to start off by saying that I am a high functioning autist. I have been on SSI for nearly a decade. This meant I had nothing to do but play TF2, the first real social aspect of my life. My first friends were all digital. When people I knew stopped playing to go focus on work or homework, I thought to myself. “Thank you for stopping by, this [TF2] is my home. I live here.”

I did some bad things. I’d like to illuminate them in order to find peace. I had a lot of beef with a lot of people, and I was usually in the wrong. This isn’t my self-defense, it is my confessions.

Let’s start with the fact that when a player and I had differences about team direction when I was running, I heard him make a joke about how his wallhacks didn’t work on cp_orange. Being autistic I didn’t understand it was a joke, and started a rumor campaign to get him banned. I eventually learned he was joking, but never gave the campaign up. I contacted the admins, went through demos with his team captain, the whole works. The poor player (Last name I knew him as was toxic, I don’t remember his name before that. Might have been “Cookiemonster.”) had a breakdown when I ran into him in a lobby. I’m sorry, toxic.


Here is an interesting one, I had beef with another highlander team captain, who I met through the brb.u community, and had a member of that community on my team, as my engineer. They made a thread about how they were splitting up, and not playing anymore. I jokingly told my engineer on steam: “I should post a picture of a trainwreck in that thread.” He responded “No, do it! Do it for real!” And so I thought to myself, “It’s not my community as much as it is his, I can do that for my soldier, a good captain has his soldiers back; that’s what a good captain would do.” So I did, and he followed suit. I lost a lot of friends there, but what hurt the most was my engineer telling them I twisted his arm, and not the other way around. I’m sorry BRB.U. I think the team captain was Don Coelite I’m sorry.

Communist Unicorn:

I’m so sorry. I did everything wrong. I started by moving you, my scout to pyro because I wanted 2 good players on my highlander team instead of one. (The one being him, I wanted to replace my pyro who refused to switch from backburner to degreaser) I wanted to replace my backburner loving pyro with one who would actually use the degreaser. I should never have done that. When you expressed concern about it, I should have immediately moved you back. Maybe you’ve moved on but maybe someone will show this to you. I had a great secret that motivated my actions to be irrational. I had a crush on you.

Anyhow this wasn’t the worst of it. I eventually moved to 6v6 and formed a team with him, and heres where it gets good: Firstly I had a toxic personality, but most painful was when I asked him if he knew a scout, he referred me to linkuser, who had never been on a team before, and I had commie move to pyro on my HL team and welcomed Linkuser to the scout role, cutting my long time pyro friend from the team, another thing I apologize for, I should never have done that to those people.

Continuing the trend, I scrimmed this team I liked, “brushie” regularly, they were about our level, a bit better than us actually, and one day, after losing a match, I got high on my prescribed painkillers, (I had a chronic and painful illness, which also helped cloud my thinking and conscience. (I still have it but it’s no longer painful.) Anyway I got high and jumped in their mumble to talk to them, unaware, and thanks to my painkiller high, uncaring, that they were in a match. I got banned from the mumble.

I got mad at them for this, and heres the next thing I did wrong: I wanted this pyro, named sorceress alice on my team. Brushie got to them first, so, inspired by a trash talking song I was listening to, and another opiate high, I got them in mumble and tried to get them to join my team by spending about ten minutes trash talking brushie. If only I could take that back and just congratulate them both on becoming a far better team than they were. Oh but this is not the doozy. The doozy is when my demomans computer died, and I needed a new demo. I knew that there was a player on brushie who wanted to move to demoman from scout, and I wanted to quit HL and focus on 6s. I hired him, and picked up another scout commie knew. “Fascist,” Truly a wonderful player, as everyone on brushie was.

I was scrimming with this roster for some time, and my old demos computer started working again. (This is painful to write and remember, my greatest mistake,) I wanted to play with my old friend so badly I thought I would have one scrim with him, and invite our new demo back in. I didn’t explain this, or check to see if it was alright, I just scrimmed. When I was done, commie, fascist, and lints a lot had all unfriended me. I found this out when I went to tell lints that he could join now.

I used to play for “Gangsta gang 6s” for a very short time. I was highly unqualified. I was just out of iron HL and this was my first taste of 6s. They were high open. It was also a short amount of time after I stopped using a trackball. I have almost as many hours as b4nny, but most of them were spent on pub spy with a trackball. I used to have to wildly spin the ball around in its socket to backstab. I got this habit from my gamer dad.

I was worse than terrible, my k2d was always negative, and my mic was so shitty I couldn’t call a scout had gotten behind.

I was cut, and I stalked my old team captain, Swiper, through the GG mumble repeating this mantra “Give me another chance” I was a backup on their team at this point. Cole, the streamer was on this team, he eventually joined with paddie and the 3 people that rightfully fired me and began streaming with them, I used to watch his stream happily before that, but now it was mainly insults to my character, and well deserved ones too.

At some point when joining a server with commie, I heard in the background a rap song created by a TF2 rival I had beef with and I urged players to go to his youtube page (Rainbro dash) and tell him to end his life. I repeated this often. “No, I think you can really get him to do it!” I said. I now live in a special house for people who hear voices, and the voices never stop telling me to end my own life. I reflect often on how just this is, that I should find no cease to the same sentiments, I deserve them. I deserve this constant torment.

I built my own 6s team and prayed that we wouldn’t be matched up, but we were. Viaduct week. My team had been historically good at DM maps. I had a few tricks up my sleeve and we pulled off a win.

First we had the IRL friend of our roamer, being an IM scout whose team had died. I paid his open fees, and in exchange he played scout for one match for us. I saw an old video on an invite teams strategy for 6v6 viaduct, they ran no soldiers because they took up so much heals for very little power on this map. This allowed us to switch our scout main (Who loved sniper more) to sniper, he did work. And have linkuser and benk on scout, plus our soldier on heavy. Since rollouts were immaterial, we did well with this lineup. (cont)

posted about a year ago
#1 Medic LFT Low open in Recruitment (looking for team)

Hi all! I'm returning to the game after a year or so absence. I've played 2 seasons of medic, and due to my poor leadership skills, my team never did well, so I'm looking to join someone elses team and see if I can do well.

I'm always available and tend to review my own demos and try to improve a lot.

posted about 3 years ago
#1 I'd like to apologize in Off Topic

There are a few people in the community I used to have beef with, for no reason other than I'd started it through my own arrogance and stupidity, In the worst way I'd handled these things, hoping that if I pushed myself harder I could simply end the beef by being better than them, or beating them, instead of manning up and apologizing when I was clearly in the wrong. So I made this thread to apologize to those people, I was very rude and sadistically cruel at times, just plain mean.

I've been trying to re-add people to apologize lately, but people haven't been accepting my adds' and I don't really blame them.

I would really like to apologize to anyone who was on my team who had to suffer through my prescription med abuse induced beefs I've had with various people. I'm very sorry about my behavior.

posted about 3 years ago
#254 Coolest Alias in TF2 in Off Topic
Mr_Owlsafrixphraxgood: abstract nice sounding words, no names/food or whatever

e.g. tagg

worst: weird references

i fucking loved these books

and they were worth so many AR points in school

I loved reading the redwall book over and over again, in it's various iterations, until in book 7 or 9 it got to the same part with the same riddle and the same exact plot and I just. I can't keep doing this no. I understand reusing some plot themes if they work but all you did was change the names.

posted about 5 years ago
#138 Coolest Alias in TF2 in Off Topic

I like grape, enigma, clockwork, pyyyour ninjanick, crespi, sweater, gliss, blaze, defiler, benk, haiku.

posted about 5 years ago
#8 Open medic LFT in Recruitment (looking for team)

posted about 5 years ago
#126 mustardoverlord lftski in Recruitment (looking for team)
Grooveif one person at a party tells you that you're drunk you can ignore them

if everyone at a party tells you that you're drunk, you're probably drunk

Good sentiment, :) it reminds me of my favorite saying: "If one person tell you you're a horse, they're crazy. If ten people tell you you're a horse, it's a conspiracy. If 100 people tell you you're a horse, it's time to buy a saddle."

Axiom I know you can't respond, but don't you think you owe the people of this forum, and mustard an apology? I'm not trying to put you down, but I do hope that you consider the axiom that "You have to give respect to get it. You only get what you give."

You are rude to people, and they are rude in turn to you. You insult people, and they in turn insult you. Wont you try being nice, just to see where it gets you? I know you have it in you.

If you're in a league that Mustard could be looking, then you know who he is. Telling you he is dedicated or good wont do anyone any good, so I'll say this:Mustard and I have had our issues in the past, but the last time I played with him, he was fun to play with. The very prior time of playing with each other, we were very frustrated. insulting each other and calling out mistakes, it was a toxic environment. The ill feelings carried over for me and I was upset to be picked on his team in, given our previous fight.

However, we got along splendidly in the pug. He was fun to play with, and while chatty, not abusive, or mean. He seemed to take more care of his own mistakes than others. I know I can trust him to maintain a friendly atmosphere in a team environment, where it matters the most.

posted about 5 years ago
#55 How do you dry yourself? in Off Topic

Wow, this slick water off thing seems to be the answer to my problems.

I have a system where I cycle towels. I clean myself with a towel, and put it in the "used" spot. Then I get the one that used to be there and clean the floor with it. I just step immediately out of the shower, so there's a lot of water everywhere. The floor towel goes in the laundry and I put a new towel in the bathroom for next time, repeat.

I have two towels in the bathroom at any time, one ready to clean me, and the other ready to clean the floor, but because of the system, I don't use up two new towels each time. I'm pretty proud of this accomplishment.

posted about 5 years ago
#2 frequent game crashes since last update in Q/A Help

Have you tried removing everything in your custom folder, (obv backing it up first) and trying to run it without any kind of modifications?

posted about 5 years ago
#10 medic lft in Recruitment (looking for team)

Ques is a very cool guy.

posted about 5 years ago
#20 Spy vs Engineer War in TF2 General Discussion

"Man dressed as pyro ignites local wendys"

posted about 5 years ago
#26 the deep web in Off Topic

I used it for a while. Everything is hosted on a PC therefore slow and not always available, it's pretty annoying in that regard. I didn't find anything cool or illegal, but I did catch some virus and reformatted my PC.

I was in the conspiracy section, there wasn't anything good or cool, but a lot of people completely convinced that numerology could prove what the New World Order was up to if applied to newspaper headlines, and people accusing other people of being secret agents.

posted about 5 years ago
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