i hate investing myself in anything (especially movies and books) because i always cry when its over
i hate forgetting something that i wanted to hold on to forever
i hate relationships because i always feel like i dont deserve them or that they should really find someone better to spend time with
i hate how people get awkward around genuine expressions of feelings
i hate when people feel the need to act false or bigger than they are
i hate when someone feels they cannot be accepted, so they turn down a different, darker path
i hate the injustice of simply bad or unfortunate things
i hate that some people are just evil or selfish (actually, it makes me sad)
but the thing i hate most in the world is seeing someone who doesnt know what to do and is helpless and nobody does anything. i hate that expression on their face, the look of pure fear and confusion, like a child, wondering why his guardian, his protector, will not wake up; or like a mother, forced to watch her baby, now grown up, but angry and scared or just straight done with life, take the step and fall; or a father as his beloved son or daughter slowly or suddenly devolves into a dark, angry, disgusting, putrid shadow of a human being. it hurts me because i have seen this and it hurts my heart.
i hate that i have to hate anything in the first place
i love the feeling of being surrounded by those you know and trust because they are true and good
i love the expression of happiness and the sparkle in their eye as i make someone laugh or even just smile
i love the art that makes you imagine and wonder even though it still makes me sad
i love the warmth of the sun as i lay on something soft like a hammock
i love the smell of onions being sautéed in oil with garlic because it means the comfort of good food
i love fall, the color of grass under bright leaves, a cobblestone road flanked by orange and yellow, a warm drink in my hand and a loved one at my side
i love the loyalty of a dog, who trusts you and loves you unconditionally, and the comfort i can give to her brother, who chews on my hand like a baby sucks his thumb
i love making music but it sometimes makes me cry
i love the sound of strings as they flow from a major to a minor and back again - to me, it means the thirst for
adventure, the sadness of loss, the strength of the heart and soul
i love the pureness and gentleness of a girls voice, as she sings because she wants
to sing - not because she is
like the single note at 3:31
i love the sound of small talk and laughter over the gentle clink of glass as a family and friends connect with one another
i love (more like respect/appreciate) a girl who dresses "sloppily" with no makeup because it represents the pinnacle of an ideal that i wish everyone would understand: she is confident and comfortable in her own image and knows that every person is unique and beautiful in their own way*
i love those wide open rooms, where the windows let in the sunlight over the city and the during the night, the warm lighting illuminates wooden beams and comfortable chairs with a soft glow
i am not really religious anymore but i love the feeling from inside church, a holy place, quiet and for being thoughtful - the only other places i have found this feeling were isolated locations that i could only visit for a short time but still try to hold onto the feeling of peace;
such as, the clearing deep in the woods behind my house, a hidden ledge over the Grand Canyon, a dock on the water in florida nestled between a gnarled oak and a weeping willow, a rock outcrop overlooking a lake in maine, the cliffs of hawaii where the surf pounds like thunder, a cemetery in Germany commemorating far too many fallen soldiers, a cramped but cozy bookshop in france straight out of a fantasy story where one can literally get lost and stumble upon incredible wonders (ngl the Eiffel tower seemed like a tourist trap and the grass was all dead), the cathedral at cologne, a random bench in london, a cafe in quebec where the snowfall outside is no longer cold but merely a backdrop as you drink something sweet and warm with a hint of mint...
i am barely even 1/4 the average lifespan and i dont know if my opinion will change but i love that there are things in this world to love. and i love that there are people in this world to love, even if i have yet to find that specific person myself (not worried, if its meant to be, then it'll happen).
but it makes me sad that people forget to love.
*funnily enough, i can actually give an example of this: https://youtu.be/OLNAdMGk97c
i am not trying to simp for mia malkova here, but just look at the choices she made in fashion compared to the other people on the show