My theory is seb barton is a vampire because he's played tf2 for an eternity, he keeps coming back from the inactivity, he was once on the romania national team, he makes bat-like sheiks when he's happy, he hates cp_sunshine and if you look closely, seb barton is an anagram of bat boners
Luckily its halloween and Reason players can equip themselves with https://wiki.teamfortress.com/wiki/Garlic_Flank_Stake