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#1 TOP 5 TEAMFORTRESS.TV POSTS OF 2017 in The Dumpster

I was looking through my stuff on my hard drives. Data, images, videos, music. Weird and wonderful things. Incredible sights. Mysterious sounds. Beautiful women. And five of the best posts on a certain website forum...

The posts are old, but they have lost none of their charm. They made me laugh at the time and in a way they make me cry now because of all the dead links and edit-nuked posts. Enjoy!


posted 1 month ago
#8 how do i becomee a more successful forum user in Off Topic

Hello elliott (I know him too),

I hope you are well since deleting me from steam. I am fine.

Your bait is usually masterful, but you are often snide and unpleasant and that can deter readers from upfragging you. In addition, I notice you haven't posted for about five months. My advice to you is to post more consistently, and to be more nice. Any other advice is probably fraudulent. All forums are on an endless downward spiral from their geneses. Seven years ago, threads were made decrying the quality of trolls and jokers compared to the days of gotfrag. Today I am sure most would make a great personal or physical sacrifice to inundate the barren dumpster with posters like stultus or pankey man. With that in mind, striving to get good immediate reception here, like anywhere, is pointless, because you will only ever be fully appreciated one or more generations after your final post, when your surviving contemporary detractors are faced with a legion of funhaver1998s and lose substantial will to laugh and hope. It all evens out in the end. What you leave behind on the Earth or internet is what matters.

With love,

posted 4 months ago
#8 what if the scout had gunboats in TF2 General Discussion

Great question. I agree with turbochad69 (Newton's whatever aside, lost interest there), and also with some other guys that we mustn't forget Scout is only 1 inch shorter than Soldier (5'10 to 5'11, so both fairly tall), runs at a constant 17mph, and he can double jump (triple or even more after his morning crit-a-coffee). Just because he's pathetic we can't just assume he has weak legs.

When I saw this question my mind went as it often does to The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time -- the greatest Nintendo 64 title, the greatest speedgame of all time, and a direct precursor to Team Fortress 2 in that it pioneered sticky jumping and ubercharge, ironic frag videos, constant idiotic ruleset drama, random crits, hackusations, jump maps, mge mains, the thing where you taunt next to someone and it looks like youre humping them, friendlies, someone competing virtually undefeated for 10+ years, rktking, and some stuff I can't link like the invite illuminati. All this can buoy us along to a vaguer, previously-unthought connection:

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The Iron Boots.
For comparison:

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As the dialogue goes when you find them:

dialogueSo heavy, you can't swim. So heavy, you can't float.

Indeed these boots -- or rather the iron -- are -- or rather is -- heavy enough to drag link to the bottom of a lake, to ward against the wind of huge fans, and to artificially extend total playtime by at least an hour. They slow Link's typical loping gait to a ham-footed brass-beast march on land (directly halving his walk speed from 9 units per frame to 4.5), but for some reason (perhaps Newton's whatever law) they speed him up when walking underwater.

Let's compare the four victims of these boots, shall we, being the legs of the two wearers? Yes

Show Content

Now, let's use a consistent stat across games to compare the physical capabilities of the three characters in question.

The Scout, as some of us will already know, comes to us with 125 health, buffable to 185. The Soldier comes with 200, buffable to 300.

Link is obviously more complicated to work out. We can start by taking his "canon health" from OOT: 3 hearts, 'buffable' via Heart Pieces and Containers to 20. But if we're to assume that the smallest unit of health is the same across games, then we have to carve Link's hearts up to get the true value: not only into the quarters you might have assumed, but actually into invisible sixteenths, which the game rounds up into quarters in order to display them in the heart meter. Assuming 1/16 of a heart translates to 1 TF2 health, Link would start off with 48 health, buffable to 320. He is therefore 2.60417 times weaker than the Scout at his base health, and 4.17 times weaker than the Soldier, who is also Counter Strike 1.6 times stronger than the Scout. But we must consider overheal and Heart Containers both: at their maximum potentials, Link comes off the best, just edging the Soldier and screaming ahead of the Scout by 1.72973 times. What does this mean?

Anyway, we can increase our understanding of Link's vitality by looking at additional appearances of the same incarnation in different games. In Soulcalibur II, one of the greatest fighting games ever, Link appears in an incarnation one must assume is around the age of OOT's "Adult Link", but seemingly from the split timeline where he was sent in his child body with his adult memories in order to prevent Ganondorf from obtaining the Triforce, leading to the 'Child Timeline' series of games, consisting of Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Link's Crossbow Training, and Four Swords Adventures for the Game Boy Advance and GameCube both. I put it to you that this Link is roughly halfway between his appearance in Majora's Mask and his appearance as the Hero's Shade in Twilight Princess. (You may be thinking 'but that puts the Hero's Shade in his 30s!', in which case I will destroy you with this simple fact: he was slain in combat.) In this game, Link's health, like everyone else's, is 240. Unfortunately there is no record of this instance of Link wearing the Iron Boots, but we can see that this Link increased his base health by 192 points, equivalent to 12 extra hearts, for 15 total. Purely from dungeon boss Heart Containers, Link will gain 8 hearts over the course of OOT -- and there are 4 to gain in Majora's Mask, so it is to be assumed that canonically, Link did not find any Pieces of Heart, never reached his 'max health', and ONLY increased his vitality by defeating the 12 relevant bosses in his two N64 games.

All this suggests Link's health around the time we see him wear the Iron Boots (between the Ice Cavern and Water Temple, brief fan-resisting in Ganon's Castle notwithstanding) is 9 hearts, or 144 in universal (TF2) units (U(TF2)U).

So what can we infer from this?
It's hard to say. I'm not sure what infer means. On the face of it, it would seem that as the Scout has less HP than Link (forma del templo del agua), his move speed would therefore be reduced by MORE than half if he wore the Gunboats. You may be thinking: 'but Scout can double jump!' The sad ugly unavoidable truth is Link's single jump is infinitely higher, and Scout is a certified, licensed weakling.

edit: ubercharge evidence

posted 4 months ago
#15 ESL and Faceit bought by Saudi Arabia in Esports

is islamaphobia a bannable offense in esl?

posted 5 months ago
#12 Can you solve my tricky 5cp maze in The Dumpster
alec_1. Kill the spy then turn back to cap and take the shorter path to mid since I can edge point without the sniper seeing me.

Good thinking! The sniper can see right into that flank.

alec__2. Cap mid then run across mid while my roamer bombs the sniper and take the long way to red second.

Great idea! The roamer can use the German notion of Blitzkrieg to get the drop on that sniper, and flanking him yourself with the having weapons guy behind you would be a foolhardy idea! A foolhardy concept!

alec___3. Edge second where the gun can't see us while camping their forward spawn to stop the heavy.

Amazing plan, alec! He can't burst out to get you if you're keeping an eye on that shutter. And while you cap, your brave roamer can tussle with the useless level 1 sentry from a distance. But watch out for that Wrangler, roamer! All bets are off in Lex Luthor's Solve My Maze, and all whitelists too!

alec____4. Take the long way to last to easily defeat the sentry and medic from the side, capturing the final point and winning the round for Blu.

You're a braver man than me to face that medic head on. But it's worth it to get the engineer before he can change class!

Wow! You navigated my tricky maze, wiped their whole team, and won the round 2v5! Next time, why not try your luck on a harder Lex Luthor's Solve My Maze, with more fiendish paths, 6 enemies, and no help? Only then may you become a real maze master! Thanks for playing!

Tricky Maze Top 100:
#1: alec_____
#2: hamaham
#3-#100: it could be you! See you next time!

posted 5 months ago
#70 is islamaphobia a bannable offense in rgl? in TF2 General Discussion

this has all been a big misunderstanding


posted 5 months ago
#10 Can you solve my tricky 5cp maze in The Dumpster
GrapeJuiceIIIwhats the solution im very stumped

You'll never know unless you try!


posted 5 months ago
#7 Can you solve my tricky 5cp maze in The Dumpster
hamahamDidn’t spend too much time thinking or pondering on how to beat this. It took me roughly 4 seconds to reach the conclusion on which path I should take.

It shows, hamaham! You let the spy kill your medic and you lost mid! Wherever your path took you after that, you were unable to capture any points, and in your hubris you miserably passed away outside their spawn! Think more carefully next time or you will never become a maze master! Thanks for playing!

posted 5 months ago
#3 Can you solve my tricky 5cp maze in The Dumpster
row_doing it sideways

Starting at your spawn,

posted 5 months ago
#1 Can you solve my tricky 5cp maze in The Dumpster

You're blue. Starting at your spawn, can you navigate to the enemy's last point, capture it, and enter their spawn? Let me know. If not, no worries.

Watch out for the sniper, the spy, the having weapons guy, the sentry gun, and the last ditch medic!


posted 5 months ago
#1 happy new year in World Events

hello and happy new year to each and every single onf you. Its 2022 now here and this means great things for tf2, the game we all love. I hear theyll be making new stuff in games and in the world. Love to hear from you about your thoughts on 2022. Will it go hard or will it be an L? If thats your sort of parlance. Anyway i think 2022 is going to be great for everyone. Let us know your thoughts i guess. Thanks and happy new year to you

posted 5 months ago
#3 name change in Requests

hello again id like my name changed to "jjjones" please. edit: thank you

posted 6 months ago
#1 im going to the craft shop (not a craftsman) in Off Topic

what should i get? what should i make? there are many questions. i am not a craftsman but i am very bored

whosoevers idea is most 'da bomb', their tftv alias could be inscribed in the final product -- an immortal dedication that will surely make archaeologists of the 2200s scratch their heads

i am not a craftsman, so i cannot guarantee excellence; all i bring to the table is guts and gumption, and when it comes down to it isnt that all you need? (not looking to debate this)

im going to the shop in about half an hour but ideas posted beyond this deadline will be enormously appreciated - who's to say you can only go to the craft shop once, after all?

thank you in advance. :-)

posted about 3 years ago
#2 How do I ensnare a girl friendf? in The Dumpster

just be yourself

posted about 3 years ago
#121 Bully Hunters in Off Topic
Geel9We tend to ban morons who cause problems with our community.

all i did was join your evil honey pot raffle can i be unbanned now please

posted about 4 years ago
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