repost from vent your anger
I'm honestly in a really shitty place right now. Life sorta blows right now.
I don't have a good relationship with parents. My relationship with my mom is alright i guess but could be way better. My dad is always talking shit about me to my face or right in front of me to one of his girlfriends. They divorced like 4-ish years ago and i never got closure. He's always so disappointed in me. I'm struggling to not lose my cool in school (when school was not closed due to corona). I fake who I am in real life in order to to fit in and make friends which is exhausting. I try to deny what I feel in fear of being rejected and isolated. Due to how my parents have criticized me since I was young, I have no real feeling of self worth. There are a lot of things I hate about myself including how much I eat, my lack of ambitions, my tendencies to self demolish relationships and opportunities, how I look. I have severe anxiety. My relationship with my siblings is almost nonexistent. It doesn't help they live with my mom while i live with my dad. My brother is really independent and does not really talk to me unless he wants something and my sister hates my guts to the point to where she wont even have a conversation with me or stay in the same room as me. I do nothing but play games all day (which is crazy because I'm not good at all). I have no social skills causing me to be awkward and unfun to be around. I am also paranoid that no one actually likes me and just hangs out with me out of pity. I struggle with sleep due to anxiety and insomnia. I feel alone more often then not.
I could write hundred paged novels of things that i hate about my life and sometimes I hardly find a reason just to get out of bed. I don't believe ill make it past 21.