i will literally never ever ever be good at a multiplayer video game in my life.
TF2, CSGO, R6, Smash Bros, Splatoon, the whole lot of them.
No matter how many hundreds (or in TF2's case, thousands) of hours I put into them, I will always suck and I will always bottom score. I pour my heart and soul into trying to get better but I will always lose to some dude that plays video games every other weekend to relax.
I have no motivation to learn any new skills that I'm not immediately good at because I was "the gifted kindergartner" type and all that.
On top of that, I have no job and I can't get a job and I never will have a job, and if I ever do get a job, it will be some lifeless 9-5 that will never fulfill me, if fulfillment is even possible for me.
Not only do I suck at my only hobby and have no career prospects, I will also never have a positive impact on the world. Activism is not really viable for me without a car to go to protests or whatever, and I would never get elected to public office because of my views.
I feel like I don't bring anything to my friend group and I know this is me being paranoid but I feel like my friends secretly find me annoying. I also feel like I'm a disappointment to my parents for just playing video games all day. I kow they love me but I know they resent all the time I spend on my computer.
Some of my friends and family struggle mentally and it sucks that I don't know how to help them and I feel like I've let them down.
I actually have no real sense of identity because I'm always shifting different parts of my personality to the front depending on who I'm with and how I perceive their expectations of me. The only thing that's consistent across the multiple masks I have is that I'm an insufferable know it all.
I'm constantly doubting my own feelings because as a kid I internalized it when someone doubted if I was really feeling what I was feeling or thought I was feeling a different way (example: my mom doesn't think im happy unless im jumping up and down, so now I wonder if I'm actually happy if I'm not physical, but I know I'm probably happy. other example: as a kid my sister always teased me whenever I was near a girl so now I am incapable of distinguishing between platonic affection and romantic attractions when I meet girls).
I will also never get a girlfriend.
I always plan to be a nice kid when I'm alone, but when I'm around other people I immediately turn into an asshole.
So to recap:
No skill at my only hobby
No job prospects
Unable to be fulfilled by anything
Will never change the world for the better
Insecure in my relationships
Unsure of my own emotions.
Oh, did I mention I'm a coward and I'm scared of everything and the phrase "better safe than sorry" has destroyed my life?
All these things are constantly swirling around in my brain but I'm only viscerally angry about it when I lose at a video game.