bleghfarecI really have no fucking idea what I'm doing with my life currently. There was a time when I did fairly well in school and I was super dedicated to TF2, playing day in and day out and constantly following the competitive scene in North America and abroad, browsing the TFTV forums every day, and being happy with myself. But more and more recently, I haven't enjoyed any of it. I've stopped playing TF2 entirely and reading the teamfortress.tv forums just sours my mood, seeing both how Valve's neglect has ruined a great game and how the community perpetually remains toxic.
Outside of teamfortress.tv and some internet friends, I am socially dead. I have no friends that I have ever seen in the flesh and I often spend each day talking to nobody and just going through my day, only speaking to people when I'm required to or when I'm upset about anything. I'm ugly as fuck and probably annoying and I'm 100% sure if I attempted to initiate a discussion with anyone, it would do nothing but to make other people uncomfortable and just make myself look like an asshole.
But social life doesn't matter, it'll all pass later right??? Well, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing because I'm a worthless piece of shit with nothing of value. I have no actual skills or talents and I have nothing that makes me stand out from other people. My grades are meh and ultimately I'll never achieve the dream job that I've wanted since I was a kid because I have absolutely none of the talents required to even be proficient in it.
I suppose I should've structured this or something, but honestly it might just be my sleep deprivation talking. I just miss the days when I used to love tf2 and I used to have optimism. :(
I know how you feel, back when I was still into TF2 I was in your exact situation. It's just a matter of putting yourself out there socially and it's going to be awkward and hard at first, especially if you were as socially awkward as I was. I don't know your exact situation but what I did was just try to put myself out there as much as possible. For example, if I was in a class where I didn't know anybody and the teacher made us get into groups, instead of just sitting there alone like I usually would, I would ask another group if I could work with them and introduce myself. I'd also make an effort to say hi to acquaintances whenever I saw them in the hallway instead of just avoiding eye contact, just trying to be friendly makes people a lot more willing to talk to you.
It probably sounds cringe but it was really a struggle for me to do those things back then, but it just takes practice like any other thing and I believe that you can do it :).